Connecting With Compassion

2011-06-14T17:31:00.001-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

Blogging is hard work! And for me, the blogging has fallen on the priority scale as I focus on other NVC-based projects, including radicalcompassion.com, pathwaystoliberation.net and compassionateleadership.com. I've also spent the last year closing up a life's chapter of almost thirty years in Albuquerque and relocating to Haiku, Hawaii on the beautiful island of Maui.

Now, I have found a new way to contribute that seems fun and connecting, like a blog, but less work.

Please check out http://www.scoop.it/t/radical-compassion/

This is my new experiment in curating supportive articles and news that feed my aspirations and inspirations, and hopefully yours, too.

If you would like to connect about this blog (including its current dormant state), please write directly to radicalcompassion@gmail.com

Peace on us,

Jim

2010-08-02T13:35:00.001-07:00

DEUTSCH~FRANÇAIS~ESPAÑOL~PORTUGUÊS~MAGYAR
hier unten ici-bas aquí abajo aqui abaixo alábbiakban

Dear Community,

I feel delighted about sharing The Matrix of skill assessment and
development that we have created as well as a dynamic, multi-language online
community discussion forum . These are now available through our Pathways
to Liberation team's website:
http://pathwaystoliberation.net/about

*More about The Matrix of skills and development:*
Many of you have heard that Jim and I have been writing a book on
self-assessment with Jake Gotwals and Jack Lehman. The cornerstone of this
book is The Matrix of 28 skills and their development from unskilled to
integrated. Jim and I have already started using The Matrix in our
Compassionate Leadership program and many participants have reported that
they have benefited from working with it, getting clear about the shifts
they have already had and gaining insight about their path of deepening
their skills and consciousness.

*More about the community forum:*
I am also VERY excited about the community forum integrated into the website
by our very techno-savvy Jake Gotwals, who has been working on a
comprehensive tool for interaction among those "on the path". This forum
provides a resource for multi-language discussions, including about the
skills of the Matrix, areas of application, projects, and also for making
connections, requesting or offering support, and more. Check it out and
start using it at:
http://community.pathwaystoliberation.net

Please forward this to all who could benefit and contribute in any of the 52
languages that google translate offers. Also, we welcome any feedback you
are willing to share with us about The Matrix and the community forum.

In partnership,
Jori - for the Pathways to Liberation team:
Jake Gotwals
Jack Lehman
Jim and Jori Manske

*DEUTSCH~DEUTSCH~DEUTSCH~DEUTSCH~DEUTSCH*
Übersetzung durch Maschine möglicherweise nicht vollständig korrekt.

Liebe Community,

Ich fühle mich sehr erfreut über die gemeinsame Nutzung der Matrix der
Bewertung von Fähigkeiten und Entwicklung, die wir geschaffen haben, sowie
eine dynamische, mehrsprachige Online-Community Diskussionsforum. Diese
werden nun durch unsere Pathways zur Verfügung Liberation-Team der Website:
http://pathwaystoliberation.net/about
*
**Mehr über The Matrix von Fähigkeiten und Entwicklung:*
Viele von Ihnen haben gehört, dass Jim und ich haben ein Buch über
Self-Assessment mit Jake und Jack Gotwals Lehman. Die Eckpfeiler dieses
Buches ist die Matrix von 28 Fähigkeiten und ihre Entwicklung vom
ungelernten zu integrieren. Wir haben bereits begonnen, mit der Matrix in
unserem Leadership Programm Compassionate und viele Teilnehmer berichteten,
dass sie von der Arbeit mit davon profitiert, immer klar über die
Verschiebungen sie schon gehabt haben und Einblick über ihren Weg der
Vertiefung ihrer Kenntnisse und des Bewusstseins.

*Mehr über die Community-Forum: *
Ich bin auch über die Community-Forum in die Website von unserem sehr
techno-versierte Gotwals Jake, der über ein umfassendes Werkzeug für die
Interaktion zwischen gearbeitet hat integrierten SEHR aufgeregt jene "auf
dem Weg". Dieses Forum bietet eine Ressource für mehrsprachige Beratungen,
auch über die Fähigkeiten der Matrix, Einsatzbereiche, Projekte und auch zur
Herstellung von Verbindungen, beantragen oder Unterstützung anbieten, und
vieles mehr. Check it out und starten Sie es unter:
http://community.pathwaystoliberation.net

Bitte leiten Sie diese an alle, die profitieren und dazu beitragen
könnten. Außerdem
begrüßen wir Ihr Feedback Sie bereit sind, mit uns zu teilen über die Matrix
und die Community-Forum.

In Partnerschaft,
Jori - für die Wege zur Befreiung Team:
Jake Gotwals
Jack Lehman
Jim und Jori Manske

*FRANÇAIS~FRANÇAIS~FRANÇAIS~FRANÇAIS~FRANÇAIS*
Traduction par machine ne peut pas être tout à fait exact.

Communauté Cher,

Je suis très heureux de partager la matrice de l'évaluation des compétences
et le développement que nous avons créés, ainsi que d'une dynamique, un
forum multi-langue de discussion en ligne de la communauté. Ces sont
maintenant disponibles à travers notre site Passeport pour l'équipe de
Libération:
http://pathwaystoliberation.net/about

*En savoir plus sur La matrice des compétences et le développement: *
Beaucoup d'entre vous ont entendu dire que Jim et moi avons été d'écrire un
livre sur l'auto-évaluation avec Gotwals Jake et Jack Lehman. La pierre
angulaire de ce livre est la matrice de 28 compétences et leur développement
à partir non qualifiés à intégrer. Nous avons déjà commencé à utiliser la
matrice de notre programme de leadership de compassion et de nombreux
participants ont indiqué qu'ils ont bénéficié de travailler avec elle, se
claires sur les changements qu'ils ont déjà et de gagner sur leur chemin
pour approfondir leurs compétences et de la conscience.

*En savoir plus sur le forum de la communauté:*
Je suis aussi très excité au sujet du forum communautaire intégré dans le
site Web par notre très techno-savvy Gotwals Jake, qui a travaillé sur un
outil complet pour l'interaction entre ces "sur le chemin". Ce forum
constitue une ressource pour les discussions en plusieurs langues, y compris
sur les compétences de la matrice, les domaines d'application, les projets,
et aussi pour faire des connexions, la demande ou l'offre de soutien, et
plus encore. Consultez-le et commencer à l'utiliser à l'adresse:
http://community.pathwaystoliberation.net

S'il vous plaît le communiquer à tous ceux qui pourraient bénéficier et de
contribuer. Aussi, nous invitons vos commentaires sont disposés à partager
avec nous sur la matrice et le forum de la communauté.

En partenariat,
Jori - pour les chemins de la libération de l'équipe:
Jake Gotwals
Jack Lehman
Jim et Jori Manske

*ESPAÑOL~ESPAÑOL~ESPAÑOL~ESPAÑOL~ESPAÑOL*
Traducción por máquina no puede ser completamente exactos.

Estimada Comunidad,

Me siento muy contento de compartir la matriz de evaluación de competencias
y el desarrollo que hemos creado, así como un foro dinámico, comunidad en
línea en varios idiomas discusión. Estos están ahora disponibles a través de
nuestro sitio web del equipo Senderos de Liberación:
http://pathwaystoliberation.net/about

*Más sobre The Matrix y el desarrollo de habilidades: *
Muchos de ustedes han oído que Jim y yo hemos estado escribiendo un libro
sobre la autoevaluación con Gotwals Jake y Lehman Jack. La piedra angular de
este libro es The Matrix, de 28 de competencias y su desarrollo de
capacidades mentales limitadas integrado. Ya hemos empezado a utilizar la
matriz en nuestro programa de liderazgo compasivo y muchos participantes han
informado de que se han beneficiado de trabajar con él, consiguiendo claras
sobre los cambios que ya han tenido y para el conocimiento acerca de su
camino de la profundización de sus conocimientos y la conciencia.

*Más información sobre el foro de la comunidad: *
También estoy muy entusiasmado con el foro comunitario integrado en la
página web de nuestro muy techno-comprensión Gotwals Jake, que ha estado
trabajando en una herramienta completa para la interacción entre los "en el
camino". Este foro constituye un recurso para los debates en varios idiomas,
incluidos alrededor de las habilidades de la Matriz, áreas de aplicación,
los proyectos, así como para realizar las conexiones, solicitar u ofrecer
asistencia y otros. Compruébelo usted mismo y comenzar a usar en:
http://community.pathwaystoliberation.net

Por favor, transmita la presente a todos los que podrían beneficiarse y
contribuir. Asimismo, damos la bienvenida a cualquier comentario que están
dispuestos a compartir con nosotros acerca de The Matrix y el foro de la
comunidad.

En asociación,
Jori - para las Vías para la Liberación de equipo:
Jake Gotwals
Jack Lehman
Jim y Manske Jori

*PORTUGUÊS~PORTUGUÊS**~PORTUGUÊS~PORTUGUÊS*
Tradução por máquina pode não ser totalmente precisos.

Comunidade Dear,

Sinto-me feliz em compartilhar a matriz de avaliação de competências e de
desenvolvimento que nós criamos, bem como uma dinâmica, multi-linguagem
online fórum de discussão da comunidade. Estes estão agora disponíveis
através de nosso website Caminhos para a Libertação da equipe:
http://pathwaystoliberation.net/about

*Mais informações sobre a matriz de habilidades e desenvolvimento: *
Muitos de vocês já ouviu falar que Jim e eu fui escrevendo um livro sobre
auto-avaliação com Jake Gotwals e Lehman Jack. A pedra fundamental deste
livro é The Matrix, de 28 de habilidades eo desenvolvimento de inábeis
integrada. Já começou a utilizar a matriz em nosso Programa de Liderança
compassivo e muitos participantes relataram que tiverem beneficiado de
trabalhar com ele, ficando clara sobre as mudanças que já tiveram e ganhar
insight sobre seu caminho de aprofundamento dos seus conhecimentos e
consciência.

*Mais informações sobre o fórum da comunidade: *
Também estou muito animado sobre o fórum da comunidade integrada no nosso
website por muito techno-esclarecido Gotwals Jake, que vem trabalhando em
uma ferramenta completa para a interação entre os "do caminho". Este fórum
fornece um recurso para as discussões multi-idiomas, inclusive sobre as
habilidades da Matriz, as áreas de aplicação, projetos e também para fazer
ligações, pedindo ou oferecendo suporte e muito mais. Check it out e começar
a usá-lo em:
http://community.pathwaystoliberation.net

Por favor, envie isto a todos os que poderiam se beneficiar e contribuir. Além
disso, congratulamo-nos com todo o feedback que você está disposto a
compartilhar conosco sobre The Matrix e do fórum da comunidade.

Em parceria,
Jori - Caminhos para a Libertação para a equipe:
Jake Gotwals
Jack Lehman
Jim e Jori Manske

*MAGYAR~**MAGYAR~MAGYAR~MAGYAR~MAGYAR~MAGYAR *
Gépi fordítás nem teljesen pontos.

Kedves közösségi,

Úgy érzem, boldog megosztásról A Matrix a skill értékelését és fejlesztését,
hogy hoztunk létre, valamint egy dinamikus, többnyelvű online közösség
vitafórum. Ezek már kapható keresztül vezető utak a Felszabadító csapat
honlapján:
http://pathwaystoliberation.net/about

*Többet a Mátrix készségek és fejlesztés: *
Sokan már hallottam, hogy Jim és én már írt egy könyvet önértékelési a Jake
Gotwals és Jack Lehman. Alapköve ez a könyv a Matrix 28-képességek és
fejlődés képzetlen az integrált. Már elkezdtem használni a Matrix a mi
Együttérző vezetés program, s egyre többen arról számoltak be, hogy azok
részesültek dolgozik vele, egyre tisztában a műszak, hogy már nem volt, és
egyre betekintést a saját útját elmélyítésében készségek és tudatosság.

*További információ a közösség fórumban:*
Én is nagyon izgatott a közösség fóruma integrálni a honlap a mi igazi
techno-hozzáértés Jake Gotwals, aki már dolgozik egy átfogó eszköz
kölcsönhatás közül "az úton". Ez a fórum biztosít forrást többnyelvű
tárgyalások, többek között arról a készségeket a Mátrix, alkalmazási
területek, projektek, és a csatlakozások, és kérte, vagy segítség nyújtását,
és így tovább. Check it out, és elkezd használ ez-on:
http://community.pathwaystoliberation.net

Kérjük, továbbítsa ezt mindenkinek, aki előnyeiből, és hozzájárulnak. Is,
szívesen látjuk minden visszajelzést akkor hajlandó megosztani velünk a
Mátrix és a közösség fóruma.

Partnerségben,
Jóri - az utak, hogy Felszabadítási csapat:
Jake Gotwals
Jack Lehman
Jim és Jóri Manske

2010-01-27T19:27:00.001-08:00

NVC Mediation and Conflict Resolution:

A Telephone (Telecourse) Program

with CNVC Certified Trainers Jori Manske and Jim Manske from Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA

6 nearly consecutive Thursdays, February 18 – April 1, 2010 • 5:00 - 7:30 PM PST/PDT
(1:00 AM/12:00 AM GMT/next day)

Class size will be limited to 24 participants.

Join Certified Mediators and Facilitators Jori and Jim Manske in an exploration of using Nonviolent Communication in the context of Mediation and Conflict Resolution. Opportunities for practice will be woven with lessons covering the essential elements needed in order to begin to use the NVC process during conflict situations. There will be extensive coaching and feedback offered. To maximize practice opportunities, each trainer will facilitate a smaller group during portions of the program and the class size will be limited to 24 participants.

Connect with others in a 6-week workshop series integrating the skills and consciousness of empathy, honesty and self-connection in the context of becoming a "third presence" with others who are in conflict.

This course is ideal for parents, people in partnerships, business people, or anyone who wants to improve their relationships with others.

Focusing on observations, feelings, needs and requests to support people in taking responsibility for their own experience, and being compassionate with themselves
"Pulling by the ears" to help people hear the observations, feelings, needs, and requests of the other parties in the dispute, and build compassion for each other
Offering "emergency first-aid empathy" when emotions are intense and people do not have the resources to listen to each other
Tracking and balancing the process to clarity that everyone's needs are heard and acknowledged
Identifying and using needs as a guideline to craft agreements
Using requests to find strategies, and checking to see if they work for everyone

Course Schedule:
Thursdays, February 18 – April 1, 2010 • 5:00 - 7:30 PM PST/PDT

February 18, 2010 • 5:00 - 7:30 PM PST (1:00 AM GMT, 2/19)—My Time Zone?
February 25, 2010 • 5:00 - 7:30 PM PST (1:00 AM GMT, 2/26)—My Time Zone?
March 4, 2010 • 5:00 - 7:30 PM PST (1:00 AM GMT, 3/5)—My Time Zone?
March 18, 2010 • 5:00 - 7:30 PM PDT (12:00 AM GMT, 3/19)—My Time Zone?
March 25, 2010 • 5:00 - 7:30 PM PDT (12:00 AM GMT, 3/26)—My Time Zone?
April 1, 2010 • 5:00 - 7:30 PM PDT (12:00 AM GMT, 4/2)—My Time Zone?

Recommended: For an introduction to NVC, the NVC Academy offers a course in the Foundations of NVC.

Fee: $180.00
Class size will be limited to 24 participants.

Curious about our pricing? Click here for more information.

TO REGISTER:
Returning NVC Academy Student? Login and Register
New to NVC Academy? Sign-up and Register

Questions? Contact our Help Desk

2010-01-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Friends,

I hope your New Year is filled with joy and you are all remembering to attend to the life within you and balance self-care! Breathe!

Ahhh....

And I feel excited as I consider you joining Jori and me for a wonderful opportunity to deepen your NVC learning and practice.

Beginning on January 6th, we will begin an innovative new practice group via NVC Academy. We will focus on building the consciousness of NVC and Radical Compassion by focusing on specific skills featured in the book we are co-authoring with Jack Lehman and Jake Gotwals, the other 2 CNVC trainers living in New Mexico. The group will be experiential and interactive!

The foundational skill of Presence will open the new practice group and be our focus for at least the first two sessions. I feel intrigued about utilizing new teleconference technologies to provide an experience that is the next best thing to being together in person.

For complete details and to register for this inexpensive program, please see more details below, then register here:

Returning NVC Academy Student?
Login and Register

New to NVC Academy?
Sign-up and Register

Radical Compassion: A Weekly NVC Global Practice Group (fee varies) with Jim Manske and Jori Manske, CNVC Certified Trainers

Meets every Wednesday for 6 Months
January 6, 2010 - June 30, 2010, 12:00 Noon - 2:00 PM PST/PDT (8:00 - 10:00 PM GMT)

Fee: In order to make it possible for the greatest number of people to participate, we are offering four options for payment:

$10.00 USD per month for 6 months, or
$20.00 USD per month for 6 months, or
$40.00 USD per month for 6 months, or
$60.00 USD per month for 6 months

Sign up for this ongoing Practice Group and expect to:

Enhance your intention and ability to live from NVC consciousness
Explore and practice various skills to enhance quality of life
Deepen your self awareness and connection to life energy
Cultivate your capabilities of empathic connection and honest expression
Foster community based on nonviolence with a shared intention to build connection and inspire compassionate giving and receiving
Enjoy an ongoing opportunity to integrate NVC consciousness in a safe and supportive environment

We are excited about using the telephone and internet technology available to us to practice Nonviolent Communication with the global diversity of our NVC community! People from all around the world participate in this group.

Together, we will co-create a community to live nonviolently amid a rich field of practice and integration!

We invite you to participate in learning and integration activities designed to utilize the potential for emerging telephone and computer technology:

Two certified trainers (Jim and Jori Manske) anchor this weekly practice group
Weekly lessons with practice opportunities, grounded in skill development
Two breakout groups to maximize practice and coaching (each group is facilitated by either Jim or Jori. Participants choose which group they want to participate in each week)
Opportunities for dyads and small group work with roaming coaches
Self-assessment Matrix to increase learning
Audio/visual aids for greater clarity
Meeting weekly to enhance integration

To REGISTER >

Returning NVC Academy Student?
Login and Register

New to NVC Academy?
Sign-up and Register

2009-12-18T11:37:00.000-08:00

Dissolving Enemy Images

An Experiential Workshop of Radical Compassion

with CNVC Certified Trainers Jori and Jim Manske

Maui, December 19, 2009

9:15 am - 1:30 pm

Upcountry Maui

Enemy images breed resentment, anger and violence. The costs of sustaining enemy images include physical pain, mental contraction, fear, and isolation. The skills and consciousness of Nonviolent Communication are powerful antidotes to the poison of enemy images.

During this mini-workshop we will:

❖ Explore the source of enemy images

❖ Learn and practice skills of self-compassion to dissolve enemy images

❖ Experience befriending the enemy with transformative empathic connection

❖ Gain insight into proactive next steps to forge workable relationships

By donation...suggested amount $40-$80. No one turned away for lack of funds.

Questions? Connect via Comment

2009-12-02T11:29:00.000-08:00

Greetings Friends,

Every year, CNVC asks their trainers to prepare a trainer report. Usually, it is due around the beginning of the year, but this year the request was that the 2008 report would be completed by November 30. Here is my report for 2008.

Posted December 1st, 2009 by Jim Manske

Language:

English

Year of Report:

2008

A. Approximately how many training days did you have this year?:

100

B. Briefly list the groups and organizations you worked with this year as a trainer.:

Hospitals, medical clinics, Unitarian-Universalist and Methodist Churches, Noetic Science organizations, mediation/conflict resolution organizations, coaching organizations, city/county councils.

C. Approximately how many people did you offer NVC training to this year?:

10000

D. What are you celebrating about your training experiences this year? What was significant for you? What touched your heart?:

I’m appreciative of the many diverse opportunities we enjoyed this year, and the chance to travel to share NVC in new places. I’m especially grateful for the experience of Compassionate Leadership Training. Working with Rodger Sorrow, Kathi Aichner and Jori has been a remarkably fulfilling and enriching experience on many levels. I also enjoyed working with Marshall and Valentina at the Special Session and the March IIT. I continue to savor the practice group via NVC Academy that celebrated its second year in 2008, (and still continues as of Dec 09!) I enjoyed offering our first training via NVC Academy as well, focusing on Conflict.

E. Would you share some difficult experiences you had while training this year and how you handled them?:

Its difficult for me to connect in the moment with any difficult experiences involving training, per se, mostly because so much time has passed.

In late March, we were just finishing a workshop in Texas, doing a closing round when my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. Generally, I ignore such interruptions during training. However, knowing that my Mom had been ill the last time I spoke with her, I glanced at the phone and saw that it was my Dad. I chose to leave the workshop to attend to the call, caring for my Mom, my Dad, and worried about what the call might mean. Of course, it was the call no one likes to receive, and the one we all face at some time. I learned that my Mom’s condition had seriously deteriorated, that she had “died” on the way to the hospital and had been resuscitated. Somehow, I stayed present, listening to my father and the doctor as they explained what had happened and the likely course of events, requesting that I get to Atlanta as soon as possible.I returned to the workshop, giving myself tons of self-compassion, working to stay present in the face of knowing my intentions to leave as soon as possible. I shared with the group what was going on as authentically as I could and received a bath of concern, sympathy, empathy and offers of support.

I did have difficulties with my relationship with CNVC’s Admin Team, specifically around the change in form of my relationship as an IIT organizer, LT member and GCC coordinator. I’m mourning how my need for connection and inclusion was not met, especially how I did not “advocate for the Universe" I would like to live in (thanks Jorge for the quote) as well as I would like.

I mourn my own tendency to become hynotized by Authority. I mourn how much life energy I squandered perseverating and suffering about people and situations I had no control over. For me, now, its “water under the bridge”, although I’m sad that I do not feel as connected to “CNVC” as I once did. I still relish the sense of connection with the trainer network, especially trainers I get to connect with and play with on a regular basis!

F. How do you teach the spiritual basis of Nonviolent Communication in your workshops and training programs? :

For me, the essence of NVC is the radical intention to stay present to my feelings and needs from moment-to-moment, to cultivate choice in responding to the messages I receive from others and to honestly, authentically share my experience with others while remaining open to receiving their responses with an empathic heart. I work to convey this spiritual clarity in my training through the natural modeling that occurs as a result of my ongoing integration of NVC and by sharing this intention verbally through the spoken and written word.

I don’t believe that you can teach the spiritual basis in any “real” way, since the spiritual basis is our very nature. Teaching implies imparting something that was previously absent. How can you teach something that is eternally Present?

My job as a trainer seems to be to remind people of their birthright: who they are, delicious, juicy ever-changing human beings; what they know, deep in their hearts; and to offer tools to help folks remove the barriers to the Presence of their own spiritual clarity that is always here and now and integrate that consciousness more fully into their lives.

H. Please describe your efforts to create, or join, an NVC circle or organization.:

My term as co-leader of the GCC concluded at the end of June. For the previous year and half that dominated much of my time, averaging over 20 hours per week on a volunteer basis. I intended to continue to support the GCC as a consultant, and there were other requests that made it clear that was not desired, at least not initially.I shifted my attention to other projects, focusing on building a circle of NVC leaders via Compassionate Leadership. I also continue to participate in NVC communities, fostering connection and mutual support in various locations, especially New Mexico, southern California, Texas, Georgia, Edmonton and Hawaii.

I. Summarize participants’ evaluations, and how their feedback resulted in new learning or growth for you this past year.:

People continue to express appreciation for the contribution of our work.If you want to hear or see more, see the testimonials on compassionateleadershiptraining.com

Since so much time has elapsed since 2008, its hard for me to recall specifics as I (hopefully) have integrated the feedback that I have received.

I have learned to more enjoy making mistakes. It continues to be a challenge to co-train, even though Jori and I have done that for several years. Talk about an ever-receding edge! Adding two new trainers to the mix (Rodger and Kathi), acted like an accelerant to my own integration. Working with the CNVC leadership provided ample opportunities for me to discover how easy it is to get addicted to a strategy and how powerful NVC can be to become liberated from addictive patterns!

J. What are your current growing edges or challenges as a trainer that you will be working on in the future?:

My edges are around balancing self-care, saying “no”, and cultivating the willingness to express my needs and requests.

K. If you found opportunities to work with other trainers this year, please share the most meaningful experiences for you.:

I have shared training in 08 with many folks. I’m most touched by how Kathi, Rodger, Jori and I created a working relationship that fostered mutuality, interdependence and remarkable ease as we planned and implemented our first extended training community.

L. Is there anything else you would enjoy sharing with the CNVC network?:

I remain grateful to be sharing the mission and vision of CNVC with a growing cadre of “family”. I mourn how slowly our organization seems to respond to the needs of the training network. I wish folks pivoting social change project in regions of the world with less access to resources (eg Brazil, Aftica) received more direct support from CNVC in the form of grant-writing and flowing resources from wealthy countries to less affluent nations and areas. I wish the CNVC leadership teams (Admin Team, Board, Office staff, etc) will easily receive an abundance of the empathy, understanding and love that they need in order to thrive!

2009-11-17T14:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

Greetings from the Heart of the Pacific! We've arrived in Maui and are beginning to settle in here for the next few months. I'm adjusting to the various differences in lifestyle. One challenge is the rain, the apparently incessant rain here in Upcountry Maui. Since we arrived about a week ago, I'm guessing there has been at least 10 inches of rain, more than we get in an entire year in Albuquerque.

We finished CL09 earlier this month andI'm still savoring the De-Lights of Compassionate Leadership-the community, the connection, the integration, growth and learning...

And, I'm looking forward to next year's program, even as the communities from 08 and 09 continue!

One skill that we intentionally include in CL is the Compassionate Leadership Plan. For me, having a plan at various points in my life has deeply supported my intentions and motivated my movement toward creating the world I want to live in. I was inspired this morning by an article I read in the NY Times about how transformative a plan can be. I wonder how reading it will affect you.

I'd love to hear your responses!

Peace,

Jim

Triumph of a Dreamer

By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF

Published: November 14, 2009

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/opinion/15kristof.html?_r=1

Any time anyone tells you that a dream is impossible, any time you’re discouraged by impossible challenges, just mutter this mantra: Tererai Trent.

Of all the people earning university degrees this year, perhaps the most remarkable story belongs to Tererai (pronounced TEH-reh-rye), a middle-aged woman who is one of my heroes. She is celebrating a personal triumph, but she’s also a monument to the aid organizations and individuals who helped her. When you hear that foreign-aid groups just squander money or build dependency, remember that by all odds Tererai should be an illiterate, battered cattle-herd in Zimbabwe and instead — ah, but I’m getting ahead of my story.

Tererai was born in a village in rural Zimbabwe, probably sometime in 1965, and attended elementary school for less than one year. Her father married her off when she was about 11 to a man who beat her regularly. She seemed destined to be one more squandered African asset.

A dozen years passed. Jo Luck, the head of an aid group called Heifer International, passed through the village and told the women there that they should stand up, nurture dreams, change their lives.

Inspired, Tererai scribbled down four absurd goals based on accomplishments she had vaguely heard of among famous Africans. She wrote that she wanted to study abroad, and to earn a B.A., a master’s and a doctorate.

Tererai began to work for Heifer and several Christian organizations as a community organizer. She used the income to take correspondence courses, while saving every penny she could.

In 1998 she was accepted to Oklahoma State University, but she insisted on taking all five of her children with her rather than leave them with her husband. “I couldn’t abandon my kids,” she recalled. “I knew that they might end up getting married off.”

Tererai’s husband eventually agreed that she could take the children to America — as long as he went too. Heifer helped with the plane tickets, Tererai’s mother sold a cow, and neighbors sold goats to help raise money. With $4,000 in cash wrapped in a stocking and tied around her waist, Tererai set off for Oklahoma.

An impossible dream had come true, but it soon looked like a nightmare. Tererai and her family had little money and lived in a ramshackle trailer, shivering and hungry. Her husband refused to do any housework — he was a man! — and coped by beating her.

“There was very little food,” she said. “The kids would come home from school, and they would be hungry.” Tererai found herself eating from trash cans, and she thought about quitting — but felt that doing so would let down other African women.

“I knew that I was getting an opportunity that other women were dying to get,” she recalled. So she struggled on, holding several jobs, taking every class she could, washing and scrubbing, enduring beatings, barely sleeping.

At one point the university tried to expel Tererai for falling behind on tuition payments. A university official, Ron Beer, intervened on her behalf and rallied the faculty and community behind her with donations and support.

“I saw that she had enormous talent,” Dr. Beer said. His church helped with food, Habitat for Humanity provided housing, and a friend at Wal-Mart carefully put expired fruits and vegetables in boxes beside the Dumpster and tipped her off.

Soon afterward, Tererai had her husband deported back to Zimbabwe for beating her, and she earned her B.A. — and started on her M.A. Then her husband returned, now frail and sick with a disease that turned out to be AIDS. Tererai tested negative for H.I.V., and then — feeling sorry for her husband — she took in her former tormentor and nursed him as he grew sicker and eventually died.

Through all this blur of pressures, Tererai excelled at school, pursuing a Ph.D at Western Michigan University and writing a dissertation on AIDS prevention in Africa even as she began working for Heifer as a program evaluator. On top of all that, she was remarried, to Mark Trent, a plant pathologist she had met at Oklahoma State.

Tererai is a reminder of the adage that talent is universal, while opportunity is not. There are still 75 million children who are not attending primary school around the world. We could educate them all for far less than the cost of the proposed military “surge” in Afghanistan.

Each time Tererai accomplished one of those goals that she had written long ago, she checked it off on that old, worn paper. Last month, she ticked off the very last goal, after successfully defending her dissertation. She’ll receive her Ph.D next month, and so a one-time impoverished cattle-herd from Zimbabwe with less than a year of elementary school education will don academic robes and become Dr. Tererai Trent.

2009-10-26T08:37:00.000-07:00

NVC in Organisations

I stumbled upon this today via google alerts...

I hope you find it inspiring, clarifying and meaningful.

.............................

NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION IN ORGANISATIONS:
moving from a mechanistic to a systemic view
by Gina Lawrie

Introduction

The purpose of this article is to outline the process of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and to describe some of the ways I believe it can help individuals and organisations to be more connected and build the sort of communities we would like to inhabit in the new millennium. If, as result of reading it, you are either interested in finding out more about NVC or you take away an insight that could make a small difference in your life, I will be satisfied.

Setting the Scene

In communication workshops that I run in organisations, I often ask people to describe the characteristics and qualities of communication that they enjoy, find satisfying and motivating. I then ask them to describe the characteristics of communication they do not enjoy which leaves them feeling unsatisfied and lacking motivation. Participants then cluster the ideas under the two headings. This works well on post-Its. Sadly, when I ask,many people say they experience most communication at work as displaying the group of characteristics they don’t enjoy. It can be fascinating to consider why so many of us continue to operate in ways that don’t bring us enjoyment or fulfilment but I am even more interested in how to change this. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a simple, yet powerful tool which provides concrete steps to create communication that is both enjoyable and effective and thus of benefit to both individuals and organisations.

The Process of Nonviolent Communication

NVC is a model of communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg (1999) in response to violence he witnessed in the USA in the 1950’s. He searched for a way to help people to communicate with respect, compassion and honesty and thus gain more enjoyment out of life.

Learning this process is like learning a language, the language of compassion, and this involves unlearning the language that many of us have been brought up with which is based on judgement, blame and being right!

The language of NVC is designed to help us express our feelings and needs clearly in such a way that we and those listening to us can connect more easily with these aspects of ourselves. Training in NVC builds our awareness of how to stay connected to the humanity of ourselves and others. It offers specific tools for staying in this mode even when things get tough, when conflict is in the air, or when the other person does not know the NVC process.

There are four steps which together increase the likelihood that communication will be expressed and received with compassion and that those involved will get their needs met:

1) OBSERVATION.
Observations are expressions of what serves as a stimulus for our reactions. The closer we stay to concrete and specific descriptions of the sort that would be captured by a video camera, the more likely we are to be heard. The challenge in this step is to separate observation from evaluation, judgement or interpretation, e.g. “When I see you sitting behind your desk on the ‘phone moving papers and swearing....” rather than “When I see how harassed and disorganised you are”. You can imagine how the latter comment mightlead to a defensive or attacking response and using NVC, we aim to express ourselves in a way most likely to be heard with compassion rather than defensiveness.
2) FEELINGS
In our western culture in particular we often express thoughts or judgements rather than
our emotions because of the language we have learned. So in NVC we express an
emotion such as “I feel upset / worried / pleased “ rather than, “I feel that .....” or “I feel
like...........” . Training in NVC extends our feeling vocabulary and helps us connect with
our emotional selves.
3) NEEDS
Many of us are even less articulate when it comes to expressing needs. Our culture tends
to teach us to associate it with being selfish or “needy”. The most powerful insight I
obtained learning NVC was the causal link between feelings and needs. To recognise that
my feelings are not caused by another person’s actions, but by whether or not my needs
are being met. So, in NVC we would say: “I feel ...... because I need/would like.... and
then express a core human need, which may be physical, social or spiritual, e.g. food,
warmth, company, support, peace, beauty. By expressing a general need which all
humans have we leave out any specific people or circumstances and this creates an
openness as to how the need may be met. An example is: “I need honesty and mutuality
in my working relationships” rather than, “I need you to stop covering up what’s really
going on”. It is at this step of connecting at the level of needs that resolution of conflict
or prevention of potential conflict becomes possible.
4) REQUESTS
The last element is to state what we would like to happen and by whom that would meet
our need. In this step it is very important to be very specific and also state the request in
the positive, e.g. “Would you be willing to type this report by Friday at 10 am?”
There are two directions of the NVC process that both use these four steps: expressing
and receiving. Our aim is to create a communication dance where one person expresses
themselves then listens for the four steps in the others response, even when feelings and
needs are deeply hidden in the language they use. This is the outer process of NVC.
What often gets in the way is our own inner dialogue. This may be the judgements we
make about others e.g. “He should be more considerate and it’s not fair that he always
gets his own way!” or the judgements we make about ourselves, e.g. “I’ve messed up
again, what an idiot I am, I’m just not up to this type of work!”. These judgements are a
sign that we are not connected with our own feelings and needs and hence we will not be
able to connect with others, either to express our feelings and needs or to hear those of
the other person. To shift this and get us connected to our feelings and needs we use the
inner process of NVC, applying the four steps within.

Let us take an example: I am running a workshop and one of the participants says, “This
isn’t relevant to the real work situation”. I may judge them as ignorant, arrogant or
uncooperative which will probably result in me attacking them, albeit in a subtle way.
Alternatively I may judge myself as incompetent, having misjudged my audience and this
is likely to result in me becoming defensive. In either case, I could be on a road to further
disconnection with that participant. To avoid this road, I can apply the four steps of NVC
to connect with my own feelings and needs and notice that when I hear the participant say
“This isn’t relevant to the real work situation”(step 1), I feel anxious and nervous (step 2)
because I would really like to contribute to the learning of all participants and because I
need acknowledgement for the experience I bring and trust that my workshop design will
fulfil the objectives we set (step 3). So what I would really like right now is to find out
what would help this participant see the relevance (step 4).

Now, I am free to return to the outer process and begin to ‘dance’, by saying: “So are you
feeling worried because you would like to know that spending this time at this workshop
will make a difference to the real issues you face at work, and would you like me to tell
you the way in which I see what we are doing as relevant?”

If the participant remains frustrated and says some more that I could interpret as critical, I
may need to go back to the inner process and hear my own feelings and needs again, then
back to the outer process, continuing to hear their feelings and needs. My experience is
that when I apply NVC to my inner process, getting in touch with my feelings and needs
brings about a shift in my energy away from judgement and blame. This allows me to
express myself without any hint of that judgement creeping through so that I am more
likely to be heard compassionately by the other person. Or it allows me to hear the other
persons feelings and needs with compassion. There are some general guidelines for
choosing which side of the dance to start with. In many cases, it works best to start with
hearing the other person because that increases the chances of getting heard oneself.
Describing the process in this way seems far from truly portraying what is involved.
Seeing it in action and trying it out brings it to life in a way that words on a page cannot.
As I mentioned earlier, learning NVC is not easy and becoming fluent in any new
language takes practice but I see it as the most powerful approach in my consultants
toolkit to help managers and staff to create the sort of organisation in which they wish to
work.

So now I will turn to the application of NVC in my work and give you a variety of
references at the end and ways to find out more if you are interested.

Observations from my Work

I have been working as an organisation consultant helping managers bring change to
private, public and voluntary sector organisations for 15 years. I am well aware of the
range of fads and fashions in change programmes and have been influenced by some. I
am also very aware of their lack of success. One of the key reasons in my experience is
that people may change at an intellectual level, but not at an emotional level. As a result,
their behaviour is often inconsistent. Managers often do not model the behaviour they
espouse and staff are unclear what grand statements of values such as “ effective
teamwork”, “continuous improvement”, “empowering our staff” mean they will DO
differently. I have found the model of NVC helps managers and teams to understand
where judgements they make of themselves and others blocks changes in their behaviour.
It also provides a concrete framework for making changes.

It is rare to find organisations in which feedback is given and received skilfully and yet,
without it, how can we expect people to change their behaviour? If only “good news” is
delivered, it is difficult to trust the conveyor of news and if only “bad news” is delivered,
people feel demoralised and unmotivated. NVC provides a framework for the giving and
receiving of honest, balanced and constructive feedback. By telling the other person how
we feel and what need of ours is met or not met when we observe their behaviour,
feedback becomes more meaningful and is easier to hear.

In the field of organisational change there is an increasing recognition that the context is
global transformation. This has a number of aspects such as: globalisation of the
economy, the explosion of communication and information technology, shifts in value
systems, increased scientific knowledge about chaos and complexity, ecological crisis
and a reassertion of human spirituality. The essence of any transformation is a dichotomy
between the excitement of creativity, opportunity and liberation and the fear of change,
loss and threat of unpredictability. People managing and working in organisations are
struggling to understand, to find new ways of perceiving based on new paradigms and to
learn the skills to survive and thrive. These are the life skills of NVC.

Moving from a mechanistic to a systemic view of organisations

The metaphor of a machine has been used to understand and to structure organisations
since the 1950’s. The characteristics associated are: routine, efficiency, predictability,
division of labour and a static nature. These characteristics are fine for organisations
whose tasks are simple in stable environments. There are not many of these nowadays
and the price we have paid is dehumanisation of people in the workplace. As a result,
many have become alienated from nature, from each other and from themselves. As
organisations become increasingly complex and the rate of change increases and things
are less predictable there has been frenetic activity, but often the activity is “more of the
same” and the result is failure or burnout.

Now we are seeing a transition to the use of a different metaphor, that of the organisation
as an organism, a living system. This metaphor has the advantage of recognising the
organisation as an “open system” in relation to its environment, the influence of life
cycles, issues of survival, the concept of organisational health. The characteristics of
organisations seen in this way are creative, responsive and dynamic. With this viewpoint
caring, feelings and ecological and spiritual awareness can become part of life in an
organisation and human beings can again be fully themselves at work. Our
interconnectedness with each other and the environment is acknowledged. NVC is a way
of encouraging this transition by connecting to our inner selves, to each other and to the
environment around us through identifying how we are and how others are in terms of
feelings and needs, and how we can better collaborate with each other to meet more and
more needs and to increase satisfaction and fulfilment.

We might think that it would be easy to make this paradigm shift, however, this is not
proving to be the case because increased interconnectedness and complexity in
organisations brings increased uncertainty and resulting anxiety. Uri Merry (1995) has
pointed out that if the quality of relationships does not match the degree of
interdependence, if we do not behave in a more responsible, cooperative and empathic
way, uncertainty will increase even further and conflict, crisis and domination will ensue.
NVC gives us a language which enables us to connect and build relationships at this
empathic level, providing the foundation for working with diversity and uncertainty.
NVC can help leaders of organisations who experience a particular challenge to shift
within themselves and become less reliant on formulas and programmed change and to
tune in more to their own judgement and intuition. Leaders need to be free to make
choices and decisions based on the present not on past expectations or constraints and to
move from management by fear and blame to management by collaboration and respect.
This can be developed by NVC training.

Personal transformation

My work with NVC has taken me on a journey of personal transformation and given me
the tools to fill many gaps I had previously found in my personal development work. The
application of the four steps to connect with myself has helped me to ease up on the
judgements I make of myself as well as of others. I have found myself handling
situations of conflict and aggression in ways that I am proud of and being able to
facilitate increased understanding between people has increased my confidence in such
situations.

As a consultant, my role is to influence and facilitate; ideas of “managing” change are not
compatible with seeing the organisation as a living system. In this role, I can make the
greatest difference by being fully present, giving my attention in order to connect with
people and help them to communicate with each other in ways that are satisfying and
motivating: NVC helps me to do that by putting me in touch with my own and others
present feelings and needs. I am finding that it is a very powerful tool to help people in
organisations to achieve the transformation I have been describing in this paper.

Gina Lawrie has a background in psychology, social work and management
development. She is an experienced organisation development consultant working in
public, private and not for profit sectors. Gina works with the Centre for Nonviolent
Communication as a certified trainer and seeks to apply the skills of NVC in both her
work and personal life.

She can be contacted on Tel:01252 728242, gl@ykw.com, www.ginalawrie.co.uk
More information about the Center for Nonviolent Communication can be found at:
http://www.cnvc.org/

References:
Belgrave, B. Communication That Simply Works. Organisations & People, August 1998
Vol 5. No 3, pages 27-32
6
Belgrave, B. Workbook: NVC - Key Ingredients. Organisations & People, February
1999 Vol 6. No 1, pages 29-33
Merry, U. (1995) Coping With Uncertainty: Insights from the New Sciences of Chaos,
Self-Organization, and Complexity. Praeger, Westport, USA
Nixon, B. (1998) Making A Difference: Strategies and Real Time Models to Transform
Your Organisation. Gilmour Drummond Publishing, Cambridge, England.
Rosenberg, M. (1999) Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Compassion.
Puddledancer Press, Del Mar, Calif:
Audiovisual materials available online from www.Life-Resources-shop.com or 0845
458 0996

POINTS FOR TRAINERS
• Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a simple yet profound communication process
which helps to create communication that is both effective and enjoyable. It was
developed by Marshalll Rosenberg whose work grew from his experience of
interracial conflicts in Detroit, USA.
• NVC can be of benefit to individuals, teams or groups and organisations and
provides a framework for behavioural and cultural change.
• Learning NVC is like learning a language and also involves ‘unlearning’ habitual
ways of communicating which prevent connection between people.
• NVC is particularly effective in helping us to manage conflict and difference,
increasing the likelihood that the needs of both people in an interchange will be met.
It is also effective in developing strong relationships for teamwork.
• Nonviolent Communication training is available from trainers certified by the Center
for Nonviolent Communication. There are approximately 60 trainers providing
training and mediation in 25 countries worldwide, in organisations of all kinds:
businesses, schools, prisons, healthcare providers as well as families and couples.
Published in: Training & Management Development methods, Vol 14, 2000, pp4.01-4.08,
MCB University Press, 0951-3507

2009-09-06T20:15:00.001-07:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/8201512.stm

Compassion plea after cycle death

Kate Auchterlonie had a love of horses and was a keen amateur athlete

The family of a cyclist killed in a collision with a car has asked a court to show compassion for the driver.

Howard Owen, 29, ran into Kate Auchterlonie, 28, from Cardiff, as she rode her bicycle on the A469 mountain road near Caerphilly in February.

The judge at Newport Crown Court said her family wanted generosity, which was characteristic of her life.

Owen, of Caerphilly, who had admitted causing death by careless driving, received a suspended prison sentence.

As well as the nine-month suspended sentence, Owen was also banned from driving for two years and given 150 hours' community work.

Owen said he could not explain why he had failed to see Miss Auchterlonie.

Prosecutor Michael Mather-Lees said other drivers said their vision was affected by strong sun on the morning of the crash on 17 February.

He said there was no suggestion that Owen had been speeding on the 40mph speed limit road.

He makes no excuses at all and was determined to plead guilty at the first opportunity

Hilary Roberts, defending

The prosecution said he should have had seven seconds in which to see her.

"As a result of the collision, police attended very quickly as did the other emergency services," said Mr Mather-Lees.

"On arrest Mr Owen stated: 'I don't know why I didn't see her.' In interview he said he used the road daily or regularly and was not in a hurry and was travelling at 40mph.

"He had lowered his sun visor and he did not see Miss Auchterlonie. Plainly as a result of that he collided with her and the offence was committed.

Post-traumatic stress

"He pleaded guilty at the earliest opportunity."

Hilary Roberts, defending, said Owen, a customs and excise worker, was not using the sun as an excuse, had not driven since and was suffering the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

He had also been prescribed anti-depressants following the crash, the court heard.

"This is a tragic case in anybody's language," he said.

"The defendant is acutely aware that he has pleaded guilty to this offence and has always strived to do so. I know the court will grant him credit for that.

"He makes no excuses at all and was determined to plead guilty at the first opportunity."

This clearly has had a profound affect on your own life

Judge Roderick Denyer to Howard Owen

Mr Roberts said the accident was caused by a "momentary lapse in concentration".

Judge Roderick Denyer said Owen still could not really understand why he did not see Miss Auchterlonie in the road.

There was also some evidence that the sun was making things difficult for motorists at the time, said the judge.

"It is clear and obvious from the references I have read and the pre-sentence report that you feel deep remorse and this clearly has had a profound affect on your own life," said Judge Denyer.

He referred to a statement by Miss Auchterlonie's family, asking the court to show the compassion and generosity that was characteristic of her life.

The court heard that Victim Support was trying to arrange a meeting between her family and Owen as part of a restorative justice programme.

The judge also praised both families for their dignified silence in court.

After the hearing, the family of Miss Auchterlonie released a statement which said: "No sentence can ever make up for what we feel at losing Kate.

"Regarding the restorative justice process, we will be working with Victim Support to see what is best for both parties. It is not something that we want to make a public statement about."

2009-08-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

Caring doctor is the best Rx

from: http://www.suburbanchicagonews.com/couriernews/lifestyles/1733793,4_5_JO26_COLDS_S1-090826.article

Study: Kindness better than drugs for treating colds

Comments

August 26, 2009

By DENISE M. BARAN-UNLAND For The Herald News

Purge your medicine cabinet of cold medication and find yourself a doctor who empathizes with you during times of illness. You may recover faster.

A new study conducted by the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health published in the July issue of Family Medicine found people recover faster from the common cold when their doctor is compassionate. The research focused on 350 patients from primary care clinics in southern Wisconsin.

Researchers found participants encountered three types of doctors: ones who did not interact with the patient, ones who provided the standard discussion of medical history and current illness, and ones where the doctor delved deeper into the nature of the illness and displayed concern for the patient.

The patients rated their doctors on a questionnaire using the following criteria: Did the doctor make them feel at ease, allow them to tell their side of the story and listen closely to the answer, understand what they said, act positive, provide clear explanations, and help them take control by creating an action plan?

The 84 patients who gave their doctors a perfect score in these areas recovered from their cold a full day before the other patients did, thus skipping the gastro-intestinal side effects some cold medicines may impart.

Also, when researchers measured the immune cells in the secretions from the nasal washes, these 84 patients built immunity to their cold within 48 hours after their first visit.

Results not surprising

Dr. David Rakel, director of integrative medicine and lead author of the study, concluded that being kind to people fought a cold better than zinc, vitamin C and anti-viral medications did.

The results of this study did not surprise Dr. Joan Covault, family practitioner with the Provena Medical Group in New Lenox or Lauren Diegel-Vacek, assistant professor at the College of Nursing and Health Professions at Lewis University in Romeoville.

Both Covault and Diegel-Vacek said that cultivating an empathetic attitude was part of their medical training and they've witnessed encouraging results by practicing it.

"If I take the time to actually listen to the patient's story and show not only empathy for them, but true compassion, I think that does a lot to speed the healing process," Covault said.

Covault said when patients feel no one listens to them, a negative attitude develops within them and they may be sick longer than if they believe someone cares about them.

"There is a lot to be said about the interaction between mind, body and spirit and positive support can make a difference," Covault said. "I don't mean that people need to wait on you hand and foot if you're sick. But if people are saying you look pale and worn out, you might not feel like you can keep going. However, if someone asks how you feel and that you look better, people tend to have a brighter outlook and get well sooner."

She believes that sympathetic concern for the patient combined with education on the correct use of antibiotics and alternative suggestions for symptom relief is all that most patients need to beat a cold.

"When a patient comes in with the mindset of, 'I'm really sick and I need this antibiotic,' when it's only an upper respiratory virus, that's the patient who's going to call back frequently," Covault said.

Treating more than body

Many doctors now employ a "mind, body and spirit," which has always been the manner in which nurse practitioners approached their patients, Diegel-Vacek said. She believes such an approach benefits patients.

"As nurse practitioners we put ourselves in the other person's shoes," she said. "We try to understand where they're coming from and how this acute illness is affecting their day to day life. I think that helps you to connect with them better and it encourages them to open up about and tell you other things that will guide you into helping them feel better."

When a health care provider can facilitate a compassionate discussion with the patient, the patient will often become a partner in his or her own healing process.

"The patients tend to be more compliant with the recommendations and also be much more satisfied with the visit in general," Diegel-Vacek said. "I think that can be a big key to promoting better outcomes for patients when they're ill."

2009-07-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

Language is a uniquely human gift, central to our experience of being human. Appreciating its role in constructing our mental lives brings us one step closer to understanding the very nature of humanity.

LERA BORODITSKY is an assistant professor of psychology, neuroscience, and symbolic systems at Stanford University, who looks at how the languages we speak shape the way we think.

http://edge.org/3rd_culture/boroditsky09/boroditsky09_index.html

2009-07-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

Fairy fatality in court

Samantha Turnbull http://www.goldcoast.com.au/article/2009/07/25/101451_gold-coast-news.html

July 25th, 2009

THE driver accused of killing Tyagarah woman Milli O'Nair has appeared in court just four days after what would have been the dead woman's 42nd birthday.

Mina Nashed, 18, of Hendra, appeared unrepresented in Byron Bay Local Court yesterday charged with dangerous driving occasioning death.

He did not enter a plea and will reappear in Lismore Local Court on September 9.

Police allege Mr Nashed killed Ms O'Nair on the Pacific Highway at Tyagarah on May 10.

He was driving a hire vehicle when he allegedly hit Ms O'Nair, who was riding a bicycle over a narrow, bridged section of the highway.

The impact sent her body hurtling over the bridge and into scrub next to the abandoned Casino to Murwillumbah rail line.

The accident scene was one kilometre from her home.

She was on her way to visit her mother for Mother's Day when she was killed.

A memorial service was held for Ms O'Nair on Monday, her birthday, and her ashes were scattered at Little Wategos Beach in Byron Bay.

Ms O'Nair was well known throughout the Byron Shire, particularly for wearing fairy wings which were often strapped to her back as she cycled around.

She performed as a fairy at children's parties and worked at a fairy-themed stall at the local markets.

Ms O'Nair also worked as a non-violent communication coach.

In an online business profile Ms O'Nair said: "This outer conflict and inner struggle ignited my passion to do it differently.

"There had to be a way to connect with compassion and I set out to expand on what I knew.

"For over 20 years I delved deep to heal and explored far, to have the tools to make a difference in the world."

A website has been set up in her memory where friends have posted comments including: "May the flowers you planted in this world continue to blossom and offer their sweet perfume of love truth and laughter so that you can sing and dance on our hearts with the fairies and angels forever after."

Another reads: "Away with the faeries at last, flying free. Thanks for all you gave to us here on the earth plane."

2009-07-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

Freedom From Our Inner Prisons

by Kathleen MacFerran

Kathleen (at) StrengthofConnection.com

Though I frequently walk in and out of WA State prisons, I find myself trapped in my internal prison much more often than I enjoy. It's one I carry around with me and enter easily, but find getting out quite an arduous process. The prison is my mind, specifically the part that spins stories about what other people are thinking, doing, intending or reacting to. I admit I'm crazy to think I have access to that information when I have not heard it directly from the other person or even bothered to check out my assumptions with him/her. I am amazed how frequently my brain can come up with a story and how often a story when checked out, can be way off base.

I find I am not alone. Conversations I hear daily are couched in language that implies wrongness or diagnosis of others. When our stories are about others, we usually feel anger. When our stories are about ourselves, the feelings of shame, guilt and depression arise. The last time I was in the womens prison I found myself on the receiving end of the stories. It was a very stressful weekend for the inmates. Mother's Day events were being held (imagine the stress of parenting from prison or the pain of not having contact with your children anymore), a higher number of fights than normal were breaking out, and most of the women who were trying to focus in the Freedom Project workshop I was co-leading were bundles of nerves. At one point on the second day, one of the women told me I was disrespectful, then another said I was being condescending, yet another one agreed and added I was just like one of "them" (the officers).

They were sure their stories about me were true. Their evaluations were clearly facts in their eyes. I listened with empathy and was trying to find out what they had seen or heard from me that they interpreted as disrespect or lack of caring. One thing was that I had asked two women out into the hall first thing in the morning to create safety when I thought a fight was about to break out. I mediated between them for 45 min. and the two women involved were thankful for the reconnection and learning. Some of the women who remained in the room, however, assumed I was somehow punishing the women I had asked out into the hall.

It took empathy from my colleague and individual empathy from me with the angry participants during the following break to finally have my intentions for support, caring and learning seen by the women. We ended in a place of connection. The remaining hours of the workshop were spent giving empathy to the women for their pain and talking about the self-empathy that allowed me to stay present to myself in a way that let me hear their pain and not take their judgments personally. Judgments are simply tragic expressions of needs.

I spent the next couple of weeks noticing when I didn't stop to pause between something that triggered me (what someone said or did) and my story about it. Some of my stories are well rehearsed as I've practiced them for years. My belief in my stories can be as strong as the inmates' belief in their stories about what they thought was going on in me. The freedom from the internal prison happens in that pause between observation and evaluation. It is finding a way to notice what I'm reacting to (the specific observation of what someone actually said or did), pausing long enough to look under my story (the evaluation) to my feelings and needs, then letting a request naturally arise in relation to the needs I'm aware of. That pause is a place of choice and power.

Separating observation from evaluation is a crucial first step to freedom. I find myself making that inner journey time and time again from my prison to liberation. It's starting to get easier the more I do it. It requires compassion for myself along the way and trust that continuing on that path will lead to greater joy, clarity and connection.

2009-07-01T10:49:00.000-07:00

REVEALING SIGNS

By Dietrich Fischer

(professor at European Peace University, Austria)

The following are actual signs seen in various places:

- In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

- At a Santa Fé gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

- In the window of a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

- In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

- In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

- In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."

- In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

- In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

- On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

- At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

- On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."

- In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

- In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan.”

Victoria News - Reining in the bullies

2009-07-01T10:38:00.001-07:00

Victoria News - Reining in the bullies

Shared via AddThis

2009-06-22T12:55:00.001-07:00

Restorative circles open dialogue and healing between Brazilian institutions and gangs

By Molly Slothower

12 June 2009 [MEDIAGLOBAL]: When Dominic Barter enters the favelas that are home to the gangs that control about 25 percent of Rio de Janeiro, he doesn’t do it wearing riot gear and a megaphone. He does it armed with questions.

Barter introduced restorative justice to the government and the gangs of Brazil in 2004, and the encounter has opened up possibilities for both that once seemed unthinkable.

Home to two of the most dangerous cities in the world, Brazil is infamous for its gangs. A crackdown on crime in the 1990s flooded prisons to almost three times of the capacity that the prison system could handle. And the prisons themselves have become the base of gang operations.

Gangs have always posed a particular problem for law enforcement. To counteract gangs’ advanced organization and constant streams of resources, policing gang activity often looks more like guerrilla warfare than police work.

Rampant poverty in countries such as Brazil makes turning to gang activity for protection and support seem like the only option for countless children. Today, most of the deaths of Brazilian adolescents are caused by murder, which is usually gang-related.

The work Barter has initiated with restorative circles brings victims, offenders, community members, and the justice system together to address crimes that occur. After intensive preparation ensuring all parties feel heard, a facilitated circle takes place. It is based on carefully designed, penetrating questions that recognize the needs of all participants, and results in agreements based on consensus.

“I recognize in [gang activity] a lot of initiative and leadership, and a real desire to do something in local communities that will make a difference for those communities,” Barter told MediaGlobal. “I make it very clear when I engage with someone who is involved in gangs that I’ve not come there to suggest that they change their behavior.”

“I’ve also not come there because I support their behavior. I’ve come there because, for some reason, there is something going on in that community that diminishes people’s well-being,” Barter explained.

Over 90 percent of the agreements made this way were successfully fulfilled last year. Courts and communities alike are finding the approach to be much more successful in opening up communication between one another. In many of the communities it impacts, reported incidents have increased, but actual court cases are reduced by about 50 percent due to use of the restorative justice track.

“The principle of establishing human connections between people…informs anything that I do in a gang context,” Barter said. “If I want to change something in that community so there is increased well-being, my ability to do that will be determined by the quality and strength of the human connection between me and those other people.”

True dialogue is the most important factor in building the relationships that Dominic facilitates. He quotes thinker Martin Buber, describing dialogue as “a conversation whose result is unknown, because it has not been predefined or imposed by a single source of power. Rather, in dialogue power is shared.”

This requires institutions to let go in a sense, not turning a blind eye on crime, but rather recognizing that they do not have solutions that will end it. Rather they must become partners with communities in looking for solutions that address the needs of both sides.

And now that governments like Brazil’s have so thoroughly lost control of gang problems, many are embracing this approach wholeheartedly and changing their views of gangs. Barter explained that the government realized they really had no channel of communication going with the gangs, and that a strictly adversarial power struggle was not going in the government’s favor.

“There is a level of willingness of people in institutional settings to consider things that when I brought them up ten or fifteen years ago, they just looked at me like I was from Mars,” said Barter. “There is a kind of openness that wasn’t there before.” The key, Barter explained, was to find ways to show institutions that thinking outside the box is in their own best interest.

“The first thing to do is to create concrete benefits for everybody that is involved. Once people have something invested in working that way, then they’re ability to think a little bit more laterally, a little bit more flexibly, about their institutional role. They come to the table with more willingness to dialogue and change,” Barter said.

This willingness to be flexible is changing lives and giving young people options they never knew they had.

In a recent essay, Barter described the life-changing impact of a restorative circle on a young repeat offender. After the boy had gone through the experience, he told Barter, “As well as everything else that happened I found out I have needs. I didn’t know that until I heard myself saying them. So, I didn’t know before why I did what I did.”

MEDIAGLOBAL is the global news agency, based in the United Nations Secretariat, creating awareness in the media for the countries of the global South, with a strong focus on South-South Cooperation. The media company is one of the leading providers of information on global development issues facing vulnerable countries. MediaGlobal's news stories are read by leaders of developed countries, the global media, policymakers in donor countries, non-governmental organizations and key personnel in the United Nations Secretariat, its agencies and managers in the field worldwide. Please contact us at: UNITED NATIONS, Room 301, UN Secretariat, New York, NY 10017. Telephone: 212.963.9878. Mobile: 609.529.6129. Email: media@mediaglobal.org. Website:www.mediaglobal.org

2009-05-29T10:41:00.001-07:00

Zoo Announces New Baby Giraffe

There's a new baby at the Rio Grande Zoo!

On May 21, a male giraffe was born to parents Kashka and Buchaneer. The calf, who has not yet been named, began walking within a half hour of his birth.

Both mother and baby are healthy and enjoying the summer sunshine. Check them out this weekend!

More information:

See more baby giraffe photos in the BioPark's baby animal photo album >>
Visit the Rio Grande Zoo this weekend >>

2009-05-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Help Stop the Bloodbath in Sri Lanka 50,000 innocent civilians are caught in the deadly crossfire of Sri Lanka's civil war. This raging battle is the last phase of a 26 year fight for Tamil independence on the small Asian island to the east of India. Over 1000 people were killed in just 48 hours last weekend. Sri Lanka's largest donor and major ally in the region, Japan, has the power to help put an end to this unfolding human catastrophe. That is why I've just written to Foreign Minister Nakasone urging Japan to insist that Sri Lanka's government and rebel groups ensure the safety of the civilians. Sending a message takes just a minute and can help to save lives. Please join me in clicking this link: http://www.avaaz.org/en/stop_the_bloodbath/98.php?CLICK_TF_TRACK

Jim ------------ Here's the original email from Avaaz: Dear friends, A modern day bloodbath is unfolding on the small island of Sri Lanka, where a thousand civilians were reported killed over the weekend and tens of thousands of innocent people are literally at risk of being killed this week as government and rebel forces battle it out over the last small patch of rebel held territory. Now that the US has begun to increase its pressure, the key to stopping this humanitarian disaster lies with Sri Lanka’s most significant donor and closest partner in the region -- Japan. It has powerful political and economic influence over the Sri Lankan government and a swing vote at the UN Security Council, which up until now has turned a blind eye to this mounting catastrophe. Click here to send a message to the Japanese Foreign Minister, who is deciding his government's next steps. Japan cares about its international reputation and a flood of messages from abroad would encourage them to act. If Japan moves then the Sri Lankan government will be forced to immediately respond to protect civilians: http://www.avaaz.org/en/stop_the_bloodbath/98.php?CLICK_TF_TRACK As last weekend´s carnage testifies, every minute counts for the estimated 50,000 civilians still trapped inside the shrinking conflict zone and for those 200,000 more who are barely surviving in overcrowded camps. The International Committee of the Red Cross, which rarely makes public comment, called this conflict between the Sri Lankan government and the Tamil rebels, 'nothing short of catastrophic'. Until now, the divided UN Security Council has abdicated their responsibility to protect Sri Lankans from war crimes and other atrocities. But in this conflict Japan cannot be ignored – its powerful voice could tip the balance and influence the conflict dynamics, saving lives in the short-term and promoting peace and development in the long run. Asia's longest-running civil war is entering its final stage – the only question is how many will die before it ends. Let´s send a powerful message urging Japan´s Foreign Minister to act responsibly and lead international efforts to push the Tamil rebels to release the remaining civilians, stop the government bombing and bring sustainable peace to Sri Lanka. Japan's political and economic weight means that they cannot be ignored: http://www.avaaz.org/en/stop_the_bloodbath/98.php?CLICK_TF_TRACK As other donor nations increase the pressure behind the scenes this week, a truly global citizens' outcry can further turn the heat on the Japanese government to use its leverage and push for a robust and concerted international action that stops the bloodshed and protect the Sri Lankan civilian population at risk. Thank you for sending your message today. With hope Luis, Brett, Alice, Graziela, Pascal, Ben, Ricken, Paula, Iain, Paul, Raj and the rest of the Avaaz Team

2009-05-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

Reactions to the Death of CNVC Trainer Milli O'Nair

Greetings, Friends,

I felt sad and shocked when I first read of Milli's death this morning online.

Although I did not have the chance to ever meet her in person, I enjoyed her contributions to our trainer forum. I feel touched recalling her light, playful attitude and what I sense was a deep longing to contribute to nonviolence and helping people get their needs met. I consider her a sister, a colleague, and a kindred spirit.

I feel both sympathy and empathy for Mill's family and friends, and yearn for them to receive the empathic support they need in this time of shock and grief.

I feel concern reading that a young man, only 18, crashed into Milli when he nodded off at the wheel of his vehicle. I worry for his well-being as he confronts the results of this accident. I long for a system that helps this young man in a restoration process, and I'm broken-hearted considering the ramifications of a punitive response by Authority to this tragedy.

I hope the Australian NVC community can somehow rally around the families and friends of both Milli and this young man and surround them with empathy and healing.

Warmly, Sadly,

Jim

For information on this tragedy, see:http://news.google.com/news/story?ncl=http://www.goldcoast.com.au/article/2009/05/12/77985_gold-coast-news.html&hl=en

2009-05-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

Milli O'Nair and the stretch of road where the accident happened.

Milli O'Nair's happy life cut horribly short in freak accident

Georgina Robinson

May 12, 2009 - 2:25PM

Milli O'Nair loved fairies, children and her bicycle.

The 41-year-old's horrific death at the hands of a tired young driver last Sunday has left a small northern NSW community mourning the loss of her whimsical charm and peaceful soul.

O'Nair, a non-violent communication coach and laughter yoga teacher, was killed instantly when a hired truck ploughed into the back of her bicycle on a narrow, bridged section of the Pacific Highway a few kilometres north of Byron Bay.

Police say the impact sent her body hurtling over the side of the bridge and into the heavy scrub and railway tracks below.

The driver, an 18-year-old man on his way back to Sydney from the Gold Coast, told investigators he nodded off for a moment and woke when the truck was scraping along the left hand guard rail.

He has not yet been charged.

O'Nair, who left behind a partner, died a kilometre from where she lived, in a residential community devoted to meditation, yoga and sustainable development.

Her neighbour and friend there, Gwen Gould, said the death had rocked the residents of Gondwana Sanctuary.

"You can't imagine it," Ms Gould said.

"We had a gathering last night with her friends and the beautiful stories that came out.

"She was just a person who really worked towards sorting through her life's problems and living it to the full.

"She laughed and kept people on their toes with her honesty."

Ms Gould said she last saw O'Nair with her partner on Friday night.

"I was just going out for the evening to look after my grandchildren and she and her (partner) came past the front my house and we just stood there and had a right happy chat," she said.

O'Nair spent years manning a fairy stall at the local markets before forging a new path as a nonviolent communication coach and teacher.

Friends said she was regularly seen cycling with a pair of fairy wings strapped to her back, flitting between children's parties, where she handed out wands, wings, and fairy crowns.

The 41-year-old refers, in an online business profile, to "childhood trauma" and "violent communication" at high school as formative life experiences.

"This outer conflict and inner struggle, ignited my passion to do it differently," she writes.

"There had to be a way to connect with compassion and I set out to expand on what I knew.

"For over 20 years I delved deep to heal and explored far, to have the tools to make a difference in the world."

www.brisbanetimes.com.au

2009-05-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

I recently received the letter below from one of the members of our Compassionate Leadership community. I feel so inspired reading this that I wanted to pass it on.

Ronnie, the author, recently had the opportunity to connect with the Commissioner of the newly forming Buenas Aires (Argentina) Police Force to introduce him to the idea of sharing NVC with the recruits as a part of their training. Before the meeting, Ronnie asked for and received support from many members of the NVC community.

I'd love to hear your response to this celebration!

Warmly,

Jim

Hello Group,

It's hard for me to write this update on my meeting because I'm having a hard time believing what happened. Manu and I spent several hours together preparing for the meeting this week. Additionally, we each listened to the tape of the hour-long Skype meeting that I had with Dominic Barter a number of times.

We were prepared to listen and not talk very much, to be present to the Commissioner's needs.

Neither of us expected the meeting that we ended up having. The man we met with started out by asking why we were there. We tried to engage him in a conversation about the needs of the new police force, but he said things like, 'Well, they don't even exist yet."

We shared with him that we want to support the success of the new police force and that we have something that we believe will enable them to relate to people better.

It was like we discovered a big black hole that needed to be filled. He asked us how many hours we needed to give the training. And he asked us if we can start next week!

It has taken me several hours to sit down and write this because it's so unbelievable. If I had been there alone, I would have said that it was a dream. But Manu confirms that this actually happened. The man we spoke with said that he would have a meeting with the man in charge of curriculum to determine where in the schedule they want to put our training.

He didn't ask for our credentials. He didn't ask what kind of
experience we had. He didn't ask for references. The truth is that he seemed to have been presented with something that appealed to him and he grabbed it.

We don't have a contract yet, but I don't think it's premature to say that I think we will be doing this training. There will be 1000 (one thousand) cadets and 20-25 instructors that will take the training. We will train instructors to facilitate the training.

So that's the update.

Here's the gratitude. Manu and I are grateful for all your support.
It was very helpful to know that there were a bunch of people from around the world that were sending blessings and good energy our way. You supported the intention to connect. You held a space for us. I read through your comments several times before our meeting. The last time I read all your words of support and encouragement was this morning, right before Manu came over for the final review. We talked about how supported we felt and how much of a difference that made.

I know that I didn't write back to each of you individually. I got
very involved in mentally and emotionally preparing myself and didn't take the time. I want you to know that each and every one of you made a difference in our ability to walk in there calmly, connected to our needs, with the intention of connecting to the needs of the Police Chief.

So thank you... for taking the time to write to us... for holding us
in your Consciousness... for being a part of this dream we have that the world can be a more compassionate place.

Thank you so very much.

With open hearts,
Ronnie and Manu

2009-04-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

Gossip Girls and Boys Learn to Be Nice
from the NY Times

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/05/education/05empathy.html?_r=2&hp=&pagewanted=all
By WINNIE HU
Published: April 4, 2009
SCARSDALE, N.Y. — The privileged teenagers at Scarsdale Middle School are learning to be nicer this year, whether they like it or not.

English classes discuss whether Friar Laurence was empathetic to Romeo and Juliet. Research projects involve interviews with octogenarians and a survey of local wheelchair ramps to help students identify with the elderly and the disabled. A new club invites students to share snacks and board games after school with four autistic classmates who are in separate classes during the day.

And to combat feelings of exclusion, the Parent Teacher Association is trying to curtail a longstanding tradition of seventh- and eighth-graders showing up en masse Monday morning wearing the personalized sweatshirts handed out to the popular crowd at the weekend’s bar or bat mitzvahs.

The emphasis on empathy here and in schools nationwide is the latest front in a decade-long campaign against bullying and violence. Many urban districts have found empathy workshops and curriculums help curb fighting and other misbehavior. In Scarsdale, a wealthy, high-performing district with few discipline problems to start with, educators see the lessons as grooming children to be better citizens and leaders by making them think twice before engaging in the name-calling, gossip and other forms of social humiliation that usually go unpunished.

“As a school, we’ve done a lot of work with human rights,” said Michael McDermott, the middle school principal. “But you can’t have kids saving Darfur and isolating a peer in the lunchroom. It all has to go together.”

Many Scarsdale parents praise the empathy focus, but some students complain that the school has no business dictating what they wear or how they act in their personal lives. Others say that no matter what is taught in the classroom, there is a different reality in the cafeteria and hallways, where the mean girls are no less mean and the boys will still be boys knocking books out of one another’s hands.

Bar mitzvah sweatshirts emblazoned with the name of the honoree, the date and occasionally even the guest list are still commonly worn, if not on the Monday after, then on a Tuesday or Wednesday a month later.

Otherwise, “what’s the point in getting them?” asked Jess Calamari, 13, an eighth grader who gave out blue hooded sweatshirts to more than 150 guests at her bat mitzvah last year. “I don’t want to offend people, but I like sweatshirts.”

Dana Reegen, a seventh grader who says that she has been talked about behind her back, gave her classmates a C in empathy. “I know a lot of people aren’t very nice to each other,” she said. “They don’t really think it’s the most important thing, they’re more focused on what they look like, what they’re wearing, and who’s going out with who.”

Nationally, some question whether such attempts at social engineering are appropriate for the classroom or should remain the purview of parents, churches and youth groups outside of school hours. “Who could be against teaching empathy?” said Michael Petrilli, a vice president for the Thomas B. Fordham Institute, an education policy group in Washington. “But there’s a laundry list of seemingly important activities that, when added together, crowd out the academic mission of our schools.”

But Deborah Kasak, executive director of the National Forum to Accelerate Middle-Grades Reform, said that teaching empathy can seem “artificial or hokey” to some students, but over time can foster a school culture that encourages learning over social distractions. “I don’t know if you can teach everybody to be empathetic,” she acknowledged, “but you can raise awareness.”

Empathy lessons are spreading everywhere amid concerns over the pressure on students from high-stakes tests and a race to college that starts in kindergarten. The Character Education Partnership, a nonprofit group in Washington, said 18 states — including New York, Florida, Illinois, Nebraska and California — require programs to foster core values such as empathy, respect, responsibility and integrity.

This year, Los Angeles is spending nearly $1 million on a nationally known program for its 147 middle schools, called Second Step: Student Success Through Prevention, which teaches empathy, impulse control, anger management and problem solving. In Seattle, seven public elementary schools are using a Canadian-based program, Roots of Empathy, in which a mother and her baby go into the classroom to explore questions like “What makes you cry?”

Within the charter network KIPP, which stands for Knowledge Is Power Program, some schools are focusing more on empathy, with lessons about the Holocaust, role-playing and a “values jingle” sung to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”

And on Long Island, Weber Middle School in Port Washington inducted 300 students — nearly one-quarter of the school — into the Weber Pride club this year as reward for gestures like sitting with a new girl at lunch or helping a panicked classmate on the rock climbing wall.

At Public School 114 in the South Bronx, where David A. Levine, author of “Teaching Empathy,” has been running workshops since 2006, the principal, Olivia Francis-Webber said that the number of fights had dropped to fewer than three a month — from one to three a week — and disciplinary referrals were down to about five a month from nearly 20.

Before, she said, teachers would “immediately admonish the child for bad behavior and send them to the office,” but since the empathy training began, they more often are “sitting down with students and finding out what’s wrong.”

Here in Scarsdale, the middle school has also seen an effect on behavior: Administrators have received three complaints about bullying or harassment on buses this year, compared with an average of two or three a month last year. Counselors have handed out fewer detentions for minor infractions such as chronic tardiness to class or running in the hallways.

The school and P.T.A. have spent $10,000 on empathy workshops with Mr. Levine, and tried to infuse the curriculum and culture with the theme. A photojournalism project showcases students’ work with the homeless, local charities and the environment. This month, the student council is planning a “Mix It Up Day” to break up cafeteria cliques.

Debbie Reegen, an insurance administrator and Dana’s mother, said she believes that empathy is lacking in many Scarsdale children and that the efforts should start in elementary school.

“They should make the parents come as well,” she said. “I think there’s a sense of elitism, and a bit of arrogance, among the parents here.”

At the middle school, there are signs that the lessons are starting to stick.

Sarah Frohman, 13, said that she catches herself when she is about to call someone who annoys her a “retard,” and that she has told her soccer coach in a youth league not to use the word.

Annie Gevertz, 12, said that she is more careful of what she says about other students. “Sometimes, I think about how it would feel if it were said about me, and I’ll keep it to myself instead of sharing,” she said, though she expects gossip will probably never be gone for good “because we’re teenage girls and that’s something we do.”

On the bar mitzvah circuit, students have started handing out alternatives like water bottles and pajama pants. Jason Thurm, 13, collected more than 200 of the personalized sweatshirts from his friends and donated them to a church; for his own party in November, Jason did not have favors, and planned to donate the money his parents would have spent on them to a charity.

In the cafeteria, Alex Primavera, 12, described empathy as putting himself in someone else’s shoes. He said he had been trying not to put down his classmates or call them “moron” and “idiot.” Then he yelled at another student to shut up.

“He tries but he doesn’t get very far,” said Alan Zhong, 12, adding that Alex had just kicked him in English class.

2009-03-16T21:44:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Marshall, Valentina, Margo, Board and LT members, CNVC Staff,
Trainers and Candidates,

Back in April, 2006, I felt on fire with inspiration and gratitude to be
involved with CNVC. Jori and I had moved to California a few months before
so she could become the interim director. Although I had great admiration
(and trepidation) for her willingness to take that on, I had more interest
in cooking her dinner than doing the work of an ED.

One way I did contribute was by helping out answering the phone during
office staff meetings. I especially enjoyed connecting with folks in our
network, even when they were unhappy. That experience really helped me to
sharpen my skills of presence.

Once, I listened to someone who reported feeling very angry about some
things that had transpired in the past between them and CNVC. It seemed
hard for this person to connect with any gratitude for anything that CNVC
had done. I remember feeling confused and sad about this.

Connecting to my need for acknowledgment and gratitude inspired me to write
a blog post entitled “More than 50 ways CNVC has contributed to me”. In
light of Glenda’s recent request to inquire about our Appreciation, I dug it
back out, dusted it off, revised it and offer it again in the Spirit of
Gratitude.

Thanks, Glenda, for making your request to connect to gratitude around my
relationship to CNVC. Although the past couple of years have offered me
challenges to keeping my heart open in my dealings with CNVC, number 1 on my
current list of gratitudes is the growth and liberation that those
interactions have inspired in me.

Right now, when I think of Marshall, The CNVC leadership and staff, and the
network of Certified Trainers, candidates, practitioners and Friends, I'm
savoring warmth and appreciation...

“More than 50 ways CNVC has contributed to me”

1. Co-sponsored the mediation training where I first met Marshall (a golden
oldie!) (and a life transforming event!)

2. Organized the first IIT I attended in Puerto Rico (another golden oldie)

3. Offered Special Sessions that included NVC practitioners from around the
world to work directly with Marshall, inspiring social transformation
projects

4. Provide a website with a listing of me and my training offerings,
accessible by anyone anywhere with a computer

5. Give me a logo and a "brand" with ever increasing recognition

6. Give me a community wherever I go in the world

7. Open doors for me because of Marshall's reputation and the inspiration
his work continues to engender

8. Answer the phone whenever I call for support

9. Answer an email whenever I need support

10. Act as a warehouse for my book and material sales

11. Ship me books and other materials whenever I want, at a discount that
helps to support me

12. Certify me as a trainer, and thus open doors for me

13. Offer me the opportunity for a tax deductible donation to a cause I
believe in

14. Make and keep agreements to protect the Nonviolent Communication service
mark and copyrights

15. Make and keep agreements to provide me with an ever-increasing number of
materials: books, cds, videos, cassettes, pamphlets, newsletters, puppets,
ears, etc

16. Give me a list of skilled people in every part of the world to help me
connect my friends and family with NVC

17. Give me a network of people to support me in growing myself, my
practice, my training offerings

18. Give me a source for inspirational stories, testimonials, etc

19. Provide me with sound bytes of Marshall wisdom

20. Built a network and community of 200+ Certified trainers of which I am a
part

21. Built a network of hundreds of local NVC supporters around the world

22. Organize and implement Marshall's schedule which continues to be a
primary way NVC is spread throughout the world

23. Offers scholarships to folks to assist them to attend training when they
do not otherwise have the means to do so

24. Act as a central clearinghouse for information and other resources.

25. Offers and provides supportive services to a Board of Directors to guide
the mission and vision of CNVC and NVC

26. Maintains tax exempt charity status in the USA

27. Offers free materials to those who have a need but not the ability to
pay

28. Offers open board and other meetings to contribute to transparency and
clarity.

29. Offers access to provide blogs on cnvc.org

30. Offers resources for my students to access on the website

31. Fosters connection through promoting e-groups

32. Offers a feedback mechanism through the CNVC website to collect
appreciations and mournings related to CNVC decisions

33. Fosters worldwide community through the Global Community Circle.

34. Struggles to create a life serving system within a domination structure

35. Offers ongoing training to CNVC staff

36. Offers IIT's in Europe and the USA

37. Offers a mechanism to connect trainers with requests for training
throughout the world

38. Offers a community of trainers connected through yearly reports and our
yahoo group

39. Does fund-raising to continue to support the work

40. Is beginning to live the dream of a multi-lingual organization

41. Protects the copyright and service mark for my use as a certified
trainer

42. Provides resources that I can use to make my own materials in my
training

43. Provides resources that I can use to continue to deepen my practice of
NVC

44. Re-opened the Certification path for folks near completion while
continuing to work on revamping the system

45. Provides inspiration and support to spiritual seekers in many
traditions, and those who are hungry for spirituality "outside" a tradition

46. Sponsors the gratitude project

47. Provided me the opportunity to volunteer in meaningful projects, like
the GCC, staff training and LT

48. Contributed to my financial sustainability and opportunities for
community by inviting me to organize several IITs and Special Sessions

49. Provided me with the opportunity to meet and make life-long friends
among the CNVC board and staff, especially Danielle, William, Dot, John
Buck, The Wileys, Stefan, Dee and Miguel

50. Introduced me to open space, sociocracy and many other valuable tools
and technologies

51. Created and fostered a training network that fulfilled my need to learn
NVC by providing me with quality trainers and collaborators (especially
Marshall Rosenberg, Christa Morf, Jorge Rubio, Eva Rambala, John Kinyon, Wes
Taylor, Robert Gonzales, John Cunningham, Towe Wildstrand, Sura Hart, Sylvia
Haskvitz, Lucy Leu, Rodger Sorrow, Anne Bouritt, Kirsten Kristensen,
Karsten, Schact-Petersen, Marianne Gothlin, Liv Larson, Andreas Basu,
Dominic Barter, Gary Baran, Miki and Inbal Kashtan, Gregg Kendrick, Mary
MacKenzie, Bridget Belgrave, Gina Lawrie, Catherine Cadden, Myra Walden,
Jeff Brown, Susan Skye, Liv Monroe, Barbara Larson, Jacob Gotwals, Jack
Lehman, Hawkeye Landis, Rita Herzog, and last but from least, Jori
Manske.*)

I’m guessing if I tried, I could come up with 50 more!

Would you be willing to say how you feel, right now, connecting to this with
me?

With Celebration,

Jim

*It was massively fun for me to make this list of my teachers. I'm sad that
it is likely that I inadvertently left someone off the list. This means
more about the state of my memory that the impact you all have had on me!

2009-03-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

Greetings, friends,

I recently received the online newsletter for Upaya, a Zen center in Santa Fe.

I felt touched reading the following Declaration. It also stimulated sadness in me, because I care about transforming systems in a more life-serving, life-enriching way. So, below is the response I wrote to the declaration...

DECLARATION OF THE PRECIOUSNESS OF LIFE: NO TO THE DEATH PENALTY
Text of a card that you can carry in your wallet to express your principles regarding the death penalty:

“I, the undersigned, being of sound mind and memory, do hereby in the presence of witnesses make this Declaration about the preciousness of life. Should I die as a result of a violent crime, I request that the person or persons found guilty of homicide for my killing not be subject to or put in jeopardy of the death penalty under any circumstances, no matter how heinous their crime or how much I may have suffered. The death penalty would only increase my suffering.    

I request that the Prosecutor or District Attorney having the jurisdiction of the person or persons alleged to have committed my homicide not file or prosecute an action for capital punishment as a result of my homicide.    

This Declaration is not meant to be, and should not be taken as, a statement that the person or persons who have committed my homicide should go unpunished.  

 I request that my family and friends take whatever actions are necessary to carry out the intent and purpose of this Declaration and request them to take no action contrary to this Declaration.

My response:

Dear Ones,

I'm touched by the Spirit of the wallet card you all offer in the latest newsletter, because the preciousness of Life is dear to me for it offers an opportunity to awaken.

Although no one can argue with the effectiveness of the death penalty (the offender is guaranteed never to offend again!), the cost of state-sponsored violence and retribution is too great for me to bear. Retribution and vengeance almost always stimulate fear and submission to external authority, and even 21st century forensic science cannot guarantee the elimination of the chance that an innocent person is killed by the state.

I am also deeply saddened reading the line, “This Declaration is not meant to be, and should not be taken as, a statement that the person or persons who have committed my homicide should go unpunished”, because I see that punishment of any kind reinforces the thinking of vengeful duality that perpetuates so much suffering. Until we heal from the thinking that any one of us deserves to be punished, none of us will be truly liberated!

Study after study consistently shows that punishment does not increase the likelihood of an "offender" refraining from taking actions that do not contribute to mutual well-being. In fact, punishment, from shaming to spanking to punitive imprisonment, all increase the likelihood that future offenses will occur. The death penalty is the only exception, at least in the current incarnation! If punishment works, why are our prisons and jails increasing their populations faster than we can build new cells?

For me, it calls into question what our reasons are for requesting the behavior we would like...Do we want submission out of fear of retributive punishment or would we prefer respect for authority because it is easy to connect with the good reasons (protection of life, clarity, safety, etc.) that motivate rules, laws and the like?

So, if I carry a card in my wallet, I intend to replace the text in the third paragraph with the following:

"This Declaration is not meant to be, and should not be taken as, a statement that the person or persons who have committed my homicide should go without an opportunity to restore their place in society. Likewise, it does not indicate that society should go unprotected from persons who behave violently or without regard to mutual well-being. I encourage both the protective use of force (including state custody) and the implementation of restorative justice strategies to bring society, my family and the offender back into wholeness."

I would enjoy receiving your responses to this letter.

Warmly,

Jim Manske

2009-01-21T15:20:00.000-08:00

Obama, Miracle on the Hudson and a Society of Collaborative Excellence

by James Melamed
from Mediate.com

What are the odds of Barack Obama becoming our President? His story is now our story. Obama’s election represents what is possible. Not what is normal nor what is expected, but what is possible.

And what are the odds of 155 passengers surviving a plane crash into the Hudson River? This is not everyday stuff. It is what is possible. It is what is best.

As the pilot saved so many lives, he also gifted so very much to the many thousands of husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends and colleagues who would have otherwise been so severely impacted. What a gift to thousands. This pilot deserves the highest medal we have. We should create a new medal for him, a medal for exceptional excellence.

As this pilot landed the plane without a life lost, especially just a few days before the Obama Inauguration, I can not help thinking of Obama as our pilot, the world’s pilot. While the future remains most challenging and highly uncertain, one just has a sense that, if anyone can land this plane, it will be Obama. How lucky we are to now not have ordinary leadership. How lucky we are that we have a fellow with so much competence and character. What are the odds? Whatever one’s party affiliation, I suggest that we as a nation are lucky to have a guy with the competence and cool that we now have “in the cockpit.”

And I see bigger things. I see a larger social commitment to collaborative excellence. Just as the passengers remarkably cooperated to exit the plane within 90 seconds, being courteous and effective under pressure, so I see our society evolving. While there will surely be mistakes and a good measure of pragmatism, one has a sense that Obama is leading a culture of collaborative excellence.

In Obama’s facilitative leadership, we see the best of the mediation and facilitation fields having made their way to the halls of power in our nation and the world. “We are all one” and our President is now on the network.

That Obama does not want to give up his Blackberry is so heartening. His rapid rise offers, among other things, a more recent understanding of the “real lives of real people.” Obama is addicted, like many of us, to being connected and to having access to as much information as possible. Our online connectedness is the daily manifestation of the world’s oneness.

And so, with the Obama Inauguration days away, and on the heels of the “Miracle on the Hudson,” I am surprisingly optimistic even in the pits of our economic collapse. Somehow, I have a sense that we are going to be able to put “this plane down” and recover, and even learn from our challenges and calamities.

Ours is a culture poised to recognize excellence in leadership and excellence in performance. “The Miracle on the Hudson” is our antidote to 9/11. It is us at our resourceful best rather than our victimized worst. If only out of necessity, we may now well be entering an era of collaborative excellence. Necessity breeds invention, often just in the nick of time. May it be so.

Biography

Jim Melamed co-founded Resourceful Internet Solutions (RIS) and Mediate.com in 1996. Before this, Jim founded The Mediation Center in Eugene, Oregon in 1983 and served as Executive Director of the national Academy of Family Mediators from 1987 to 1993.

Jim is past-Chair of the Oregon Dispute Resolution Commission and a member of the Oregon State Bar. Jim teaches Mediation at the Pepperdine University School of Law's Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution.

Jim was the first President and Executive Director of the Oregon Mediation Association (1985) and received the OMA's 2003 Award for Excellence.

Jim Received the Oregon State Bar Dispute Resolution Section's 2006 Sidney Lezak Award of Excellence and the 2007 John Haynes Distinguished Mediator Award from the Association for Conflict Resolution.

Jim's undergraduate degree is in in psychology, with honors, from Stanford University and his law degree is from the University of Oregon.

Email Author
Website: www.smartmediator.com

Additional articles by James Melamed

2009-01-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

A National Day of Renewal and Reconciliation

- - - - - - -

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

As I take the sacred oath of the highest office in the land, I am humbled by the responsibility placed upon my shoulders, renewed by the courage and decency of the American people, and fortified by my faith in an awesome God.

We are in the midst of a season of trial. Our Nation is being tested, and our people know great uncertainty. Yet the story of America is one of renewal in the face of adversity, reconciliation in a time of discord, and we know that there is a purpose for everything under heaven.

On this Inauguration Day, we are reminded that we are heirs to over two centuries of American democracy, and that this legacy is not simply a birthright -- it is a glorious burden. Now it falls to us to come together as a people to carry it forward once more.

So in the words of President Abraham Lincoln, let us remember that: "The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 20, 2009, a National Day of Renewal and Reconciliation, and call upon all of our citizens to serve one another and the common purpose of remaking this Nation for our new century.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

2009-01-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

President Obama’s Inaugural Address

Placing his hand on the Bible once used by Lincoln, Barack Obama took the Oath of Office at 12:05 p.m. on the steps of the U.S. Capitol. Immediately following, he delivered his Inaugural Address to a sea of Americans stretching down the National Mall to the Lincoln Memorial and beyond. The full text of his address is below.

My fellow citizens

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

“Let it be told to the future world…that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive…that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it].“

America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

2009-01-15T10:47:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Friends,

The last day of voting for the Ideas for Change in America competition is TODAY, Thursday January 15th! On Friday we will present the top 10 ideas to the Obama administration at the National Press Club in Washington, DC. We'll then connect the winning ideas to leading nonprofits and launch a series of national advocacy campaigns to turn each idea into federal policy.

I've voted for the following ideas:

Appoint Secretary of Peace in Department of Peace and Non-Violence (2nd Place)
Free Single Payer Health Care (3rd Place)
Make the grid green in 10 years (5th Place)
Pass the DREAM Act - Support Higher Education for All Students (7th Place)
Get FISA Right, repeal the PATRIOT Act, and restore our civil liberties (9th Place)
Develop & Implement a National Strategy for Sustainability (10th Place)
Bridging the Empathy Gap - Yes We Can! (12th Place)
Solve The Credit Crisis From The Bottom Up Through Social Lending (15th Place)
Restore Investments In Rail Service And Infrastructure (29th Place)

I'm feeling excited about the potential that citizen input can have during this time of transition. Would you be willing to vote your passion and your compassion?

Warmly,

Jim

2009-01-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

Our world is hungry for a compassionate style of leadership!

Greetings, Friends,

Happy New Year to you! May your coming year be abundantly full of the joy that comes from savoring many met needs!

2008 seems like my most challenging year ever. My heart broke as both my Mother and my Mother-in-law passed away and as Dad struggled with his grief over losing his partner of 60 + years. Additionally, the roles I had been playing within The Center for Nonviolent Communication changed dramatically. Jori and I also traveled extensively offering NVC in a variety of places, from Atlanta to Maui and Texas to Alberta. We also went through one of the most intense political seasons I have experienced. And the economy....

One thing that helped me to care for myself and to remember my own spiritual clarity during these transitions was my participation in our Compassionate Leadership community. I feel so grateful for the support, empathy and growth I receive there! Even as my mourning remains alive in me, I feel wide-open to abundant possibilities as I anticipate the coming months of 2009.

About a year ago, I wrote to many of you and asked you to consider joining us as Jori and I teamed with Rodger Sorrow and Kathi Aichner to offer a new 9-month NVC integration program. I felt full of anticipation and wonder, not knowing what would emerge. Now, I do not seem to be able to find the words to adequately express the connection and beauty I enjoyed in the community the 26 of us co-created.

Some of our participants have tried to put their experience to words, and their feedback is sprinkled throughout our website (http://compassionateleadershiptraining.com/), along with some brief videos. My hope is that hearing from them will inspire you to consider joining us for Compassionate Leadership 2009. We're expanding our offering this year to two 9-month retreats. We hope that by locating one retreat in the West (Albuquerque) and one in the East (Atlanta), we can contribute to accessibility and ease for more of you. Additionally, we have changed the format to 3 gatherings rather than 4 in order to support us all in preserving resources.

Speaking of resources, I know that some of you may be feeling anxious because of the transitions occurring in the global economy. You might be telling yourself that you cannot afford the luxury of an extended NVC training. You may be deeply connecting with your own needs for sustainability and protection.

We remain committed to making our program available regardless of any temporary lack of funds that may be present for you right now. I have a deep trust and faith in your ability to tap unbounded abundance through NVC consciousness. One of the most powerful components of our program is the Leadership Plan. This document, created by you with the support of the Trainers and other participants, can include strategies that can support you in contributing to the sustainability of our program and your own financial freedom. No matter what your current economic situation, we would like you to apply to participate in our program if you sense that joining with us would contribute to your well-being.

I'm guessing that many of you reading this are hungry to find ways to continue to integrate NVC into your life, and from that place of integration, find a meaningful and powerful way to contribute to creating the world you would like to live in while supporting your personal liberation and enhancing your relationships. I'd enjoy it immensely if you would join our Compassionate Leadership 2009 community in order to take your next step in generating that world!

Our Compassionate Leadership team and I would like to connect with you if you have any response to this letter, including specific questions about the program.

Warmly,

Jim Manske

PS If you are in our neck of the woods, we are offering a training on a donation basis next Sunday. For details, see:
http://radicalcompassion.squarespace.com/storage/ABQ%20NVC%20Jan%2009.pdf

2008-12-28T13:49:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Friends,

I remain excited and curious to see what will unfold this year with Compassionate Leadership Training, offered in both Atlanta and Albuquerque. I feel excited anticipating the growth, learning, and community we will all co-create, and curious to see who will be inspired to join us and how what we do together will contribute to the world I'd like to live in, a world characterized by compassion, wisdom and nonviolent social transformation.

Below is a letter from one of my training partners, Kathi Aichner, inviting your consideration of our offering...

Warmly,

Jim

I’ve asked myself over and over the last few days, “What could I possibly say to the readers of this email which might inspire them to take a look at Compassionate Leadership?” I’ve pondered this question, realizing I want to be effective as well as contribute to the well being of others.

I want to contribute to some clarity around this program too. This program is not only for those wanting to offer NVC to others via workshops and trainings. This program certainly supports those desiring to enhance their presenting skills, yet it also embraces those seeking personal growth and self-empowerment.

As one of the facilitators of this program, I was blown away by the response to the program from those who attended this year, 2008. The phrase “life-changing” was used often in the feedback we received. You can see what 2008 participants had to say on our website, http://www.compassionateleadershiptraining.com/. I totally believed we, the four of us, Jim and Jori Manske, Rodger Sorrow and me, had an inspiring concept for a program. My need for trust was met in abundance by the response of all who attended.

To hear brief videos from 2008 Participants click in the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/user/EnfinityMedia/

If you have attended an IIT or other trainings, you may remember the sense of community from that experience. Would you like to connect to that again on a long-term basis? Take a look at Compassionate Leadership, http://www.compassionateleadershiptraining.com/. The 2008 program ended over two months ago yet numerous ‘08 participants continue to connect by teleconference call and they are in the process of planning a reunion. I encourage you to click on the link "What others are saying" on the website if you want some inspiration and more clarity around this program.

Do you find you would like to attend yet tell yourself, “There’s no way, I can’t afford it?” Sounds like there may be a need for some empathy here. I encourage you to give one of us a call.

Jori Manske – Trainer, Phone +1.505.344.1 305; Email: jori@cnvc.org
Jim Manske – Trainer, Phone +1.505.344.1305; Email: nvctrainer@gmail.com
Kathi Aichner – Trainer, Phone +1.805.434.1704; Email: irishlassi@aol.com
Rodger Sorrow – Trainer, Phone +1.805.687.6961; Email: rodgersorrow@verizon.net
Anne Walton - Organizer for '09 West, Phone +1.805.687-6961; Email: annewalton@verizon.net
Sherri Boles-Rogers - Organizer for '09 East, Phone +1.678.362.3889 (Cell); Email: sherri@ganvc.org

Blessings in Love and Light, Kathi Aichner

2008-12-25T10:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Ones in Our Networks,

We are requesting support for a proposal to begin a movement to increase the empathic ability of those who serve in our government. Literally 4 minutes of your time with only 5 steps to bring an idea before the Obama team that could effect the kind of change we are all hoping to see!

President Elect Barack Obama said, "I will open the doors of government and ask you to be involved in your own democracy again." Change.org has created a forum that will submit the top ten voted for proposals to the Obama team for review. Ideas for Change in America is a citizen-driven effort to identify and create momentum around the best ideas for how the Obama
Administration and Congress can turn the broad call for "change" across the country into specific policies.

We have posted a proposal named "Bridging the Empathy Gap - Yes We Can" designed to make empathy central to government functioning, tying it to Obama's repeated highlighting of empathy as a crucially needed quality. The proposal is appended at the end of this message for your review.

To make it to the 2nd round of voting on this site, we probably need to have at least 1200 votes for this idea in the coming week. If you are moved to have NVC brought to the attention of the administration, please take the steps below as soon as possible. Ideas that get a lot of votes quickly are posted as "ideas on the rise" and then have more of a chance of getting more
votes.

1. Click on:
http://www.change.org/ideas/view/bridging_the_empathy_gap_-_yes_we_can
(or go to http://www.change.org/ideas and search for this proposal or for "empathy" if the link doesn't work)

2. Click on Vote! .that will give you a window to create an account tovote.asking for name, email, and a password. (Upper left corner of page)

3. Fill in window to create your account.

4. Return to your email to complete registration by clicking on the
link provided in the email from change.org

5. Click on Vote again and you are complete! The "Vote" button will
have changed from blue to red and the text will say "Voted"." It will only
let you vote once for each item.

Once you have an account you can invite friends and ask them to vote as well. The site provides information on how to do that, or you can forward this.

Our hope/goal/intention is to create an overwhelming response to our proposal so it can get the attention it needs to be brought to fruition.

Thank you for giving your time in this way.

If you have specific ideas you would like to discuss, we have set up a google group that you can
join if you want http://groups.google.com/group/bridging-the-empathy-gap.

In connection for building a world of peace and understanding,

Catherine Cadden, Jori Manske, Kathleen McFerran, Miki Kashtan, Sylvia
Haskvitz

HERE'S THE PROPOSAL:

Bridging the Empathy Gap - Yes we can!

President-Elect Barack Obama has spoken repeatedly about empathy, which he defines as "the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes; to see the world through those who are different from us." In his words, "And that strikes me as the most important quality that we need in America right now and around the world right now." Empathy is a value we can cultivate in our
government now.

We propose to create an inter-departmental office of empathy (or a divisionwithin a Department of Peace if one is established) that can support the closing of the empathy deficit by employing strategies such as the following:

1. Implementing specific processes and methods for making empathy central to government operations both within government and in every sector of society to support meaningful use of our resources.

2. Identifying specific offices, agencies, and individuals within government that would benefit from intensive training in empathy skills.

3. Utilizing advanced empathic facilitation as a foundation for decision-making to support efficient and productive processes in all branches of goverment.

4. Assessing the impact of government policies and decisions on the overall purpose of bridging the empathy gap.

5. Creating public forums for dialogue to create empathic connection between people across differences - political, religious, ideological, racial, class, etc. The purpose of such forums would be bridging divides in our nation.

6. Creating and proposing curriculum based on Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org) to all schools for teaching empathy skills.

7. Creating an Empathy Corps - volunteers trained in empathy skills to go into conflict zones domestically and internationally to support diffusion of conflict through empathic connection.

"Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world."
- President-Elect Barack Obama

2008-12-24T13:20:00.001-08:00

The Choice Is Ours Now

By Melissa Etheridge - The Huffington Post, Dec. 22, 2008

This is a message for my brothers and sisters who have fought so long and so hard for gay rights and liberty. We have spent a long time climbing up this mountain, looking at the impossible, changing a thousand year-old paradigm. We have asked for the right to love the human of our choice, and to be protected equally under the laws of this great country. The road at times has been so bloody, and so horrible, and so disheartening. From being blamed for 9/11 and Katrina, to hateful crimes committed against us, we are battle weary. We watched as our nation took a step in the right direction, against all odds and elected Barack Obama as our next leader. Then we were jerked back into the last century as we watched our rights taken away by prop 8 in California. Still sore and angry we felt another slap in the face as the man we helped get elected seemingly invited a gay-hater to address the world at his inauguration.

I hadn't heard of Pastor Rick Warren before all of this. When I heard the news, in its neat little sound bite form that we are so accustomed to, it painted the picture for me. This Pastor Rick must surely be one hate spouting, money grabbing, bad hair televangelist like all the others. He probably has his own gay little secret bathroom stall somewhere, you know. One more hater working up his congregation to hate the gays, comparing us to pedophiles and those who commit incest, blah blah blah. Same 'ole thing. Would I be boycotting the inauguration? Would we be marching again?

Well, I have to tell you my friends, the universe has a sense of humor and indeed works in mysterious ways. As I was winding down the promotion for my Christmas album I had one more stop last night. I'd agreed to play a song I'd written with my friend Salman Ahmed, a Sufi Muslim from Pakistan. The song is called "Ring The Bells," and it's a call for peace and unity in our world. We were going to perform our song for the Muslim Public Affairs Council, a group of Muslim Americans that tries to raise awareness in this country, and the world, about the majority of good, loving, Muslims. I was honored, considering some in the Muslim religion consider singing to be against God, while other Muslim countries have harsh penalties, even death for homosexuals. I felt it was a very brave gesture for them to make. I received a call the day before to inform me of the keynote speaker that night... Pastor Rick Warren. I was stunned. My fight or flight instinct took over, should I cancel? Then a calm voice inside me said, "Are you really about peace or not?"

I told my manager to reach out to Pastor Warren and say "In the spirit of unity I would like to talk to him." They gave him my phone number. On the day of the conference I received a call from Pastor Rick, and before I could say anything, he told me what a fan he was. He had most of my albums from the very first one. What? This didn't sound like a gay hater, much less a preacher. He explained in very thoughtful words that as a Christian he believed in equal rights for everyone. He believed every loving relationship should have equal protection. He struggled with proposition 8 because he didn't want to see marriage redefined as anything other than between a man and a woman. He said he regretted his choice of words in his video message to his congregation about proposition 8 when he mentioned pedophiles and those who commit incest. He said that in no way, is that how he thought about gays. He invited me to his church, I invited him to my home to meet my wife and kids. He told me of his wife's struggle with breast cancer just a year before mine.

When we met later that night, he entered the room with open arms and an open heart. We agreed to build bridges to the future.

Brothers and sisters the choice is ours now. We have the world's attention. We have the capability to create change, awesome change in this world, but before we change minds we must change hearts. Sure, there are plenty of hateful people who will always hold on to their bigotry like a child to a blanket. But there are also good people out there, Christian and otherwise that are beginning to listen. They don't hate us, they fear change. Maybe in our anger, as we consider marches and boycotts, perhaps we can consider stretching out our hands. Maybe instead of marching on his church, we can show up en mass and volunteer for one of the many organizations affiliated with his church that work for HIV/AIDS causes all around the world.

Maybe if they get to know us, they wont fear us.

I know, call me a dreamer, but I feel a new era is upon us.

I will be attending the inauguration with my family, and with hope in my heart. I know we are headed in the direction of marriage equality and equal protection for all families.

Happy Holidays my friends and a Happy New Year to you.

Peace on earth, goodwill toward all men and women... and everyone in-between.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melissa-etheridge/the-choice-is-ours-now_b_152947.html

2008-11-30T12:10:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Friends,

Today I received this inspiring email from Lorna Ritchie in Berlin...

Dear NVC friends,

Today I really do have something to celebrate and share!!

We had a premiere-event in Berlin yesterday - the very first local, regional NVC-Day in Germany (or even worldwide?) in which we presented the Practice of NVC in 18 different fields of work and everyday life.

(This included nvc in corporations, nvc in family, nvc in therapy, nvc and social change, nvc and yoga, nvc with children, nvc in Kindergarten - the project "The Giraffe dream", nvc in schools, nvc in mediation, nvc in social work, nvc and self-empathy, nvc and the media).

The participants came from all different fields, some NVC-beginners, some advanced, many experts in their field of work.

Not only was the preparation phase a process of living empathy, care and fun - those who were offering workshops also enjoyed a team of supporters, who helped with the organisation of everything in the days before the event (everything means helping organising catering, decoration, all the registration documents and even cleaning facilities before and after use). The organisation surrounding the event took place with enormous ease and precision.

The Feedback has been just overwhelming - we heard so much enthusiasm from people, words like "inspiring, grateful, fulfilled, excited, moved, informative" and very often there was a request for more, more, more...

Participants came not just from Berlin but from places as far away as Hamburg (about 3 hours drive). Some of them were also very motivated to start up a regional support group near their homes and we were able to offer them support from the DACH for that.

What I celebrate most was the connection within the Berlin-NVC-Circle and all involved in the event - I was very aware of the support and appreciation for each other and this was also very visible for all our "guests/participants". This is what makes my heart sing today as it so much meets my need for an awareness of credibility within the NVC-community. We really can walk the talk!! This is my very personal and subjective report of yesterdays events and i do hope you enjoy this positive piece of news in a world full of news of strife and pain.

Sending heartfelt greetings to all of you all over the world.

Lorna Ritchie in Berlin, Germany.

p.s please feel free to forward this to anyone you think would enjoy reading it.

2008-09-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

Its great to be home in Albuquerque! We've been busy planning some events and activities to share NVC here, as well as Orange County, CA, Durango, CO, and Atlanta.

I stumbled across this inspiring article today from Dallas about peer mediation. I hope you are inspired as well.

Warmly,

Jim

Nellsyn Elizabeth Hill of Lewisville: Resolving conflict
06:13 AM CDT on Thursday, September 18, 2008

Just before school let out in June, I was selected by the teachers and administrators at my high school to be one of the 20 participants in a summer workshop for Peer Mediation, a program dedicated to nonviolent conflict resolution. I had no idea what an important message this program had to offer not only to students, but also to teachers and families in our area.

Something we must all recognize first is that life is constantly changing. But with change comes conflict. A change in activities can lead to time-management conflicts. A change in location can lead to communication conflicts. A change in values can lead to relationship conflicts.

We cannot avoid change – or conflict.

However, Peer Mediation (or Mustang Mediation, M&Ms, at my high school) is the difference between poisonous, corrosive grudges that may breed from conflict, and healthy, productive peacemaking. It is based on the idea that "what we do not talk out, we act out." The focus is to have students help other students work out their dilemmas in a stress-free and completely confidential environment before problems become uncontrollable or hostile.

It starts by encouraging friends involved in conflict to turn in a form requesting mediation. Then they meet with two peer mediators during school to form some sort of agreement.

I believe this group is so important and beneficial because it can be applied to all areas of life: school, home, work, etc. Buddha said, "Mediation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back and choose the path that leads to wisdom."

Through mediation, we are able to grow as a group and as individuals by opening our minds and learning the truth about our peers' feelings and how others respond to their environment. Proverbs 18:2 says, "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions."

Another thing that Peer Mediation requires besides patience and willingness to listen is some shape of compromise. Let's face it, you can talk to someone who has hurt you about a problem you have and how you feel about it until you're blue in the face and never reach a resolution.

Lynn Johnston, author of the comic strip "For Better or For Worse," once said, "An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything." And the resolutions the disputants develop in Peer Mediation can be as simple as an apology and clearing up all misconceptions – or as serious as promising to restore lost or damaged valuables.

My hope – the hope of my fellow M&Ms and our sponsors – is to raise awareness about this type of on-campus problem-solving and to promote its growth in surrounding school districts. We are working to create a safer, more comfortable learning environment to help stop the fights and hurt feelings that cloud people's perception of high school.

And by spreading this program to other high schools and even middle schools, we can grow more patient, perceptive and emotionally stable members of society.

Nellsyn Elizabeth Hill of Lewisville is a senior at Carrollton Creekview High School and a Student Voices volunteer columnist. To respond to this column, send an e-mail to voices@dallasnews.com.

2008-09-06T22:55:00.000-07:00

Greetings, friends,

I've been busy focusing on fun and connection in Maui with a parade of friends and family. Now we are in our waning days, returning to Albuquerque on Tuesday.

I received this from a colleague today and publish it here to inspire you about what is possible to create in the equation, nonviolence + creativity = ?

Peace,

Jim

Dear Friends,

Sending you all my best thoughts from Palestine. I wanted to let you all know that Gunnar and I just spent 2 weeks visiting our dear friend Nafez in Hebron. We had decided, after our NVC Special Session training in February, to come here this summer and document Library On Wheels for Nonviolence and Peace, an organization that Nafez founded in 1986.
It has been a wonderful and moving experience to be here, to visit with Nafez and his beautiful family, to learn about Hebron and its' two cities, to observe and film the work of the LOWNP, its' staff and volunteers, to follow the children's summer program and to partake in different campaigns the organization is promoting:

-a "Chess campaign" in refugee camps and villages to raise awareness about the violence used by families and clans in sorting out their differences and to teach people alternative strategies as in a chess game.

-an "Eat and Drink Locally" campaign to raise the awareness of how Palestinians are fueling the economy of their occupier when they buy Israeli products rather than supporting the Palestinian economy .

- a "Reading at the Checkpoints" campaign to support regular people who are trying to get to their destinations and are often being stopped, searched and humiliated at the checkpoints. Books on topics such as nonviolence, science, history, religion, etc are provided by the taxi companies (courtesy of LOWNP) to travelers to empower them to use this time for their benefit and general culture, to help them cope with their own feelings of anger and violence towards their occupiers (soldiers and settlers at checkpoints).

My understanding of LOWNP's strategies is to inspire people here living in extremely violent conditions at times to empower themselves and to take control of their lives in nonviolent ways (these campaigns are seeds sown), to train young adults to be nonviolent leaders in their communities and to inspire, educate and train children about nonviolence and peace and how to be active members of their family and school environments.

I am very moved and inspired by the children, their interest and committment to understanding and learning nonviolence, by their sense of integrity and their desire to communicate with us and I loved the way they let us enter into their daily worlds.

I am now spending 1 month in Bethlehem teaching students English and studying Arabic myself. My approach to teaching English has been to focus on what communication is and to also share some of what I have learned in my NVC trainings and readings. Great fun!
After this I will return to Switzerland with all the footage taken in Hebron and create a short film, in sh'allah, as they say here.

Best regards,

Jacqueline

2008-08-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

I enjoyed the reminders provided by the following quote from Carl Rogers. As you may know, Marshall Rosenberg studied with Carl at the University of Wisconsin when he was working on his Ph.D. Rogerian ideas seem to me to be foundational to NVC.

I found this today on the the NVC Education Group, courtesy of (I)An-ok:

The Fundamentals of a Center for Person-Centered Learning

(taken from the article Beyond the Watershed: And Where Now? By Carl
Rogers from the book A Way of Being)

1. Precondition. The leaders, or persons who are perceived as
authority figures in the situation, are sufficiently secure within
themselves and in their relationship to others that they experience an
essential trust in the capacity of others to think for themselves, to
learn for themselves. If this precondition exists, then the following
aspects become possible and tend to be implemented.

2. The facilitative persons share with the others – students, and
possibly also parents or community members – the responsibility for
the learning process. Curricular planning, the mode of administration,
the funding, and the policy-making are all the responsibility of the
particular group involved.

3. The facilitators provide learning resources – from within
themselves and their own experience, from books or other materials, or
from community experiences. The learners are encouraged to add
resources of which they have knowledge or in which they have
experience. The facilitators open doors to resources outside the
experience of the group.

4. The students develop their own programs of learning, individually
or in cooperation with others. Exploring their own interests, facing
this wealth of resources, they each make choices as to their own
learning directions, and they carry the responsibility for the
consequences of those choices.

5. A facilitative learning climate is provided. In meetings of the
class or of the school as a whole, an atmosphere of realness, of
caring, and of understanding listening is evident. This climate may
spring initially from the person who is the perceived leader. As the
learning process continues, it is more and more often provided by the
learners for one another. Learning from one another becomes as
important as learning from books or films or community experiences.

6. The focus of the learning center is primarily on fostering the
continuing process of learning. The content of the learning, while
significant, falls into a secondary place. Thus, a course is
successfully ended not when the students have "learned all they need
to know," but when they have made significant progress in learning how
to learn what they want to know.

7. The discipline necessary to reach the students' goals is a
self-discipline, and is recognized and accepted by the learners as
being their individual responsibilities. Self-discipline replaces
external discipline.

8. The evaluation of the extent and significance of each student's
learning is made primarily by the learner himself or herself, although
the self-evaluations may be influenced and enriched by caring feedback
from other members of the group and from the facilitator.

9. In this growth-promoting climate, the learning tends to be deeper,
proceeds at a more rapid rate, and is more pervasive in the life and
behavior of the students than learning acquired in the traditional
classroom. This comes about because the directions is self-chosen, the
learning is self-initiated, and whole persons, with feelings and
passions as well as the intellect, are invested in the process.

2008-08-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

Later this fall, Jori and I will be offering an NVC mediation course on NVC Academy. Full details @
http://nvctraining.com/courses/telecourses/JJM/mediation.html

Since the class is limited to 24 folks, I urge you to sign up right away!

Here's a teaser:

"The Heart of Conflict:
Integrating NVC and Mediation"
A Telephone (Telecourse) Program with CNVC Certified Trainers Jori Manske and Jim Manske from Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA

Dates: 6 consecutive Tuesdays from 4:00 - 6:00 PM PDT/PST beginning October 14, 2008

Join Certified Mediators and Facilitators Jori and Jim Manske in an exploration of using Nonviolent Communication in the context of Mediation and Conflict Resolution. Opportunities for practice will be woven with lessons covering the essential elements needed in order to begin to use the NVC process during conflict situations. There will be extensive coaching and feedback offered. To maximize practice opportunities, each trainer will facilitate a smaller group during portions of the program and the class size will be limited to 24 participants.

Full details @
http://nvctraining.com/courses/telecourses/JJM/mediation.html

I encourage you to join the NVC Academy!

http://nvcacademy.com/17

For a complete flyer on NVC Academy in Adobe Acrobat, click here

2008-08-12T00:33:00.000-07:00

Reflection after a day of Facebook

This “social networking” is all new to me. I decided to try it because I'm "testing" a new browser called Flock that is a "social browser".

So far, I feel amazed at how much this is contributing to my needs for fun and connection. I've reached out to others and since joining yesterday, have managed to grow my friends list to almost 30, including a new NVC friend in Pakistan.

With Flock, you have the option of having a sidebar with all of your friends listed, including their photos. I have a sense of support and community having everyone "there" with me.

This is a lot more fun than high school! I remember so vividly the pain of comparing my “friend's list” with "popular" kids. Ouch. Now, I sense no desire to compare...instead a simple enjoyment of so many needs met with each of you in our shared history, and the ever-deepening inclination to continue these connections.

I wonder how this all lands with you?

Peace,

Jim

2008-08-11T12:10:00.000-07:00

I received this from a friend today. Watching it was a pleasure on many levels. I feel touched and inspired seeing a "homeless" person contributing so meaningfully. I feel happy seeing Santa Barbara, home to some of my favorite people on the planet. And I feel grateful that Lisa sent this to share with me.

Enjoy!

2008-08-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

I'm in beautiful Huelo, Hawaii, house-sitting for fellow CNVC trainer Christa Morf.

Compared to Albuquerque, it rains a lot here! Compared to most places on the planet, it rains a lot here! I'm guessing in the week we've been here, we have received at least 7 inches of rain.

It tends to come in short, heavy bursts. Then the sun comes out again. The flowers, trees, and shrubs love it! So do the mosquitoes.

I've decided to re-activate this blog since I'm trying out a new browser called Flock. Flock is alleged to be the latest, greatest because it is a "social browser", integrating blogs, facebook, picassa, etc.

So, I'm gonna try it out.

More later!

Aloha,

Jim

2007-02-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

Greetings, friends,

When I realize its been a month since my last post, I feel a sense of amazement, wondering, where does the time go?

I can answer that it proceeds one moment at a time. And my moments have been remarkably full.

After a Thanksgiving trip to Jacksonville to visit family, I took a sudden detour to Atlanta to support my parents during a health crisis. I ended up spending about a month there. I feel happy to report that the crisis has passed and that everyone is enjoying some well-being right now.

Just before Christmas, I returned to Albuquerque to enjoy the holidays with family and friends. I also worked there to prepare for Marshall Rosenberg's first Special Session in the United States. From January 9th through the 23rd, 33 people from 8 countries, 15 states and 3 Canadian provinces gathered at the Spiritual Renewal Center in Albuquerque to explore Social Change using Nonviolent Communication. I feel especially gratified about the work done to prepare for a project in the African country of Burundi.

We returned to LA in late January so that Jori could attend to her work at CNVC. In the background, I began preparing for our next Albuquerque training event, an International Intensive Training that begins on February 14. We also took a weekend trip last Friday to Oklahoma City where we were delighted to help a community of new NVC practitioners begin to integrate Nonviolent Communication. We greeted about sixty folks for a free Friday evening introduction and spent the rest of the weekend with about 40 people immersed in learning NVC. Remembering our time there now, I feel warm and hopeful about how the community there lived the process of NVC with us.

Now we are back in LA for a couple of more days before heading back to Albuquerque for the rest of the month. After the IIT there, the Leadership Team of CNVC will gather to consider strategies to continue the work of the Center for Nonviolent Communication.

In March, we are looking forward to training events in the LA area and in Salt Lake City.

Finally, I wanted you to be aware of this article about NVC from Columbia, Missiouri. It features an interview with NVC trainer Miki Kashtan: http://www.columbiatribune.com/2007/Feb/20070202Feat003.asp

2007-01-08T22:24:00.000-08:00

I recently stumbled upon this gem...

Empathy

Empathy, a value upon which is based all the educational methods on peace and non-violence is the key to comprehending what others experience. According to the Chinese philosopher Tchouang-Tseu, real empathy exists when one listens with one’s entire being. “To listen through hearing is one thing. To listen intellectually is another. But to listen with the mind is not limited to the sole faculties of hearing or intellectual comprehension. It requires a state of vacuity of all faculties. When this state is reached, the entire being can then listen attentively. One then succeeds to grasp directly what is essential to us, that which can never be heard with the ear or understood by the mind.”

From: http://portal.unesco.org/education/en/ev.php-URL_ID=4617&URL_DO=DO_TOPIC&URL_SECTION=201.html

2006-12-15T09:53:00.000-08:00

Celebrating the Light!

Celebration seems such a crucial element to living in NVC Consciousness. When I recognize the needs of mine that are satisfied in the moment, I generally feel open, alive and grateful. And the observation, for me from my perch of privilege, is that most of my needs are satisfied much of the time. I first learned this lesson a year and a half ago when I rushed from Albuquerque to Atlanta to support my parents during a severe and unexpected health crisis. My time at my parents' home stretched out to two months, and during those 60 days, most of them apart form Jori and the ground of my "normal" everyday experience, I learned a deep lesson about the power of acknowledging "ordinary" gratitude. Some moments, practically the only need I could acknowledge as satisfied was the need for air. I always had enough air! I was surviving!

Noticing this opened up the space to acknowledge other needs satisfied in that moment as well: safety, respect, community, autonomy, effectiveness, connection, love, interdependence... it ended up being a cornerstone of my NVC practice during that period, and since - the simple acknowledgment and savoring of a need satisfied.

And something about the space that opens up from gratitude transforms the experience of mourning, as well. Since our needs are in constant and dynamic flux, in any given moment, some needs are satisfied, some are emerging into awareness, and others may become downright urgent; and there may be the pain of acknowledging chronically unmet needs- the sweet pain of noticing that life does not always unfold to support every need being met in every moment. For some of us, we suffer deeply because some of our needs have gone unsatisfied for far longer than we would wish. When our needs are not satisfied, by design and by definition, we feel uncomfortable. The lack of comfort moves us in the service of our unsatisfied needs. If we did not feel the pain of hunger, we would not be motivated to eat!

So mourning and gratitude end up being two sides of the same coin of celebration. As we move into the darkest days of the year (in the Northern Hemisphere), my wish for you is to celebrate the inner Light of awareness of Life moving within you. May your attention on your feelings and needs motivate you towards creating and sustaining well-being for your self, for those you care about, and for those you do not even know.

Warmly,

Jim

2006-11-07T08:36:00.000-08:00

Deserve Thinking: A Root Cause of Violence

Greetings friends,

I received a letter from a friend recently. I enjoyed considering and answering his question and I thought it might contribute if I shared it here. His questions and comments are in italics; my answers are embedded in plain text.

Hi Jim,

Would you be willing to help me out if this mental box I am finding myself in?

Yep! I feel excited and pleased that you asked because I would love to contribute in this way.

I was discussing the concept of "deserve" with my girlfriend last night. At one point she said "My son deserves anything his heart could ever want, but I know that he won't get it because that's the way the world is". This is paraphrasing, but I am now able to connect with her need for her child's well-being, and also that she is mourning that life is not always full of ease.

I feel touched hearing your expression of empathy...

The difficulty for me is that we discussed my friends in Africa. She asked me if I thought they "deserved" the lot they've been dealt. I find it difficult to find my way out of this conundrum. On one hand I think that the deserve concept alienates us from our feelings and even can make the issue seem external-so it is harder to connect with our needs, but then I also say "no, they DON'T deserve that!"

How can I reconcile the concept of people deserving good things in their life and NVC?

I hear your eagerness to understand important distinctions around the deserve concept in NVC.

For me, deserve is the most pernicious and dangerous of all of life-alienated communication and is at the root of the structures that perpetuate violence. Deserve implies:
1. Belief in a single, absolute code delineating what is right and what is wrong.
2. A judge that can determine whether or not a behavior or belief is right or wrong within the code.
3. A judge with the institutional power to mete out punishment for "evil-doers", those whose behavior or beliefs are found lacking and therefore condemned by the code.
4. A system of institutionalized punishment and submission to enforce, through coercion, the dictates of the code and the judge.
5. A population willing to capitulate and submit to that power.

When I hear someone say, "My son deserves everything his heart could ever want," the first thing I want to do is translate that into feelings and needs, like I heard you do. Something like, "Sounds like you really value your son's well-being and you really want him to thrive, is that it?"

And when I hear, "do you think your African friends deserve the lot they've been dealt," I want to transform that as well: "Are you feeling curious about how I feel about the life conditions that my friends find themselves in? Are you feeling concerned about my well-being as I connect with what life is like for them? Are you concerned about their well-being and access to resources to fulfill their basic needs?"

Then, I want to divorce myself from the life-alienated concept of deserve; I want to de-link behaviors and beliefs from punitive or manipulative consequences. No one deserves to suffer because no one has ever done anything wrong. The existence of a singe, absolute code is an illusion perpetuated by "the domination system" as a tragic expression of the need for order. Fighting about which is the one right code has been the root cause of so many wars!

The observation, I think, is life conditions arise for people based on a wide and deep variety of factors. Being born in poverty just happens; sadly, every few seconds. This breaks my heart, because I have a need for universal well-being. There are structural causes for this and strategies can and will emerge to address this systemically. This is the heart of social change work. NVC can help us to manage our heartbreak and despair through empathy and life-affirming mourning, freeing the energy to creatively address the structural problems perpetuating suffering.

And I want some understanding that all humans have a birthright to the fulfillment of all human needs. A birthright is way beyond deserve; a birthrights is universal, like needs, and shared by all regardless of geography, behavior, capability, beliefs, values, or identity. Simply stated, by virtue of being human, we have a birthright to the fulfillment of our needs. I want to contribute to that fulfillment as compassionately and effectively as possible.

I wonder if this distinction, deserve vs birthright, adds to your clarity? I wonder how you feel hearing it and if you would be willing to share your reactions.

Warmly,

Jim

2006-10-31T10:51:00.001-08:00

Statement to the Network from Marshall and Valentina

My wife, Valentina, and I would like to share our celebrations with
you stimulated by the recent Center for Nonviolent Communication
board meeting near Atlanta, Georgia. The Center for Nonviolent
Communication now has NVC groups working in 65 countries on every
continent and about ¼ million people per year are receiving our
training. At the recent Board meeting we shared our vision that
within the next 10 years we would like to have NVC teams in every
country and NVC reaching millions through mainstream media outlets.

We want to share with you how touched and celebratory we are feeling
at the response of everyone present to this vision. To achieve these
two visions we are radically transforming our organization.

Valentina and I will be leading a Leading Team, {LT} formalizing what
has been our unofficial role.
We are encouraging all trainers to operate, not on their own, but in
association with local NVC circles so that they work together to
support the NVC mission. To support this organizing effort, Jim and
Jori Manske will focus on building the Global Coordinating Council
(GCC).
We are also taking steps to synergize with other organizations who
are also working for a transformation in consciousness.
We will expand the number of NVC trainers on the CNVC staff to better
meet the number of requests for training and ensure continuity of
CNVC’s services.
We are also creating means of making our training available through
the media.

With Love and Gratitude, Marshall and Valentina Rosenberg

2006-10-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

Free Hugs!

Every once in awhile, I receive a gem in my inbox. Today I received one passed on by one of my friends and students here in California, "The Sunshine Man." Its a link to a short (less than 4 minute video) and wordless documentary about the Free Hugs Campaign. Watching it touched me with the simple and profound power of love and connection. I'd like to share it with you. The link below will take you to the video on youtube.com. I'd love to hear your reactions!

-Jim

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

2006-10-13T09:02:00.000-07:00

Muhammad Yunus Wins Nobel Peace Prize!

One of my heroes, Muhammad Yunus, has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. His inspiring work to transform poverty in one of the poorest countries of the world, Bangladesh, has also spread throughout the world and even influences lending practices in the developed world.

For information on the Grammeen Bank model for micro-lending for the poorest of the poor, go to: Grameen-Banking for the poor

To celebrate by reading about this accomplishment: News results for Muhammad Yunus

2006-09-12T09:06:00.000-07:00

Greetings friends,

I'm heading off to Europe in a couple of days, looking forward to meeting some new CNVC friends.

Before I left I wanted to let you know that Marshall will be in Sannta Barbara this weekend offering two free workshops on Saturday and Sunday. Details below...

Secondly, I receive the following link from a friend in New Mexico and wanted to share it with you: http://www.positivepause.com/en/

Peace, even now,

Jim

Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. will present two workshops to be held in
Santa Barbara, Sept 16 and 17, 2006 at the Wake Center Auditorium,
300 N. Turnpike Road, Santa Barbara, California.

These are FREE events, open to the public, sponsored by Santa
Barbara City College. You do not need to pre-register. We have
space for all who want to attend. You are welcome to either or both
of the following events. CEU credits will be available for MFT/LCSW
& RN/LVN for Sat. ($24) and for Sun. ($16). CNA are free.

Saturday, Sept 16, 2006 - 9:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.
Wake Center Auditorium

Compassionate Communication: A Language of the Heart
The essence of communication happens at the heart level. Become a
more effective communicator, educator and negotiator by learning to
use specific tools and techniques of Nonviolent Communication.
Discover how to inspire others to change their behavior willingly.
Learn and practice how to offer and receive criticism without loss
of self-esteem and how to express your feelings and desires directly
and effectively.

Dr. Rosenberg, international peacemaker and founder of the Center
for Nonviolent Communication, has provided training and conflict
resolution in schools, mental health clinics, hospitals, prisons,
war-torn countries, and with individuals and families for 35 years.
His innovative work has created dramatic personal and social changes
toward a more compassionate world.

Sunday, Sept 17, 2006 - 12:30 p.m. – 4:30 p.m.
Wake Center Auditorium

Compassionate Communication: Advanced Applications
If you have attended any of Marshall Rosenberg's previous workshops,
here is a chance to advance your skills through practical
application of the tools and techniques of nonviolent compassionate
communication. Further develop your conflict resolution skills and
improve relationships with spouses, children, parents, bosses and co-
workers.

Dr. Rosenberg is author of the book Nonviolent Communication: A
Language of Life.

Continuing Education classes are for people eighteen (18) years of
age or older (High School students may attend with signed permission
from parents).

Location:
Place: Wake Center Auditorium
300 N. Turnpike Rd, Santa Barbara
Phone: 805) 687-0812

Food is available on the premises.

Accommodations: any place in Santa Barbara will be no more than 10
minutes to the Wake Center. The Santa Barbara Visitor Center may be
helpful to you in suggesting accommodations for you. Their telephone
number is (805) 965-3021.

Directions:

The Wake Center is located about 6 minutes north of downtown Santa
Barbara and 6 minutes south of the airport.

Driving north on 101, the last Santa Barbara exit is Turnpike. Turn
Right on Turnpike (toward mountains). It's one and a half blocks to
the entrance of the Wake Center, on the right side of the street.
Just come in to the gated parking lot.

Driving south on 101, exit at Turnpike. Turn Left, over the
freeway. It's one and a half blocks to the entrance of the Wake
Center, on the right side of the street. Just come in to the gated
parking lot.

If you should have any further questions please feel free to call
Becky Saffold at (805) 687-0812.

2006-09-08T11:17:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

Recently a thread has begun on the CNVC Certified Trainer listserve concerning NVC and NLP. One trainer asked for feedback about any common ground or connection between the two models. I decided to reply and wanted to share my thoughts with a wider audience, so I'm publishing it here.

I've been studying NLP since 1979, became a certified Practitioner in 1991 with Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein, studied at the Master's level in 1996, and participated in 3 NLP Comprehensive Trainer Trainings in 1997-99. I met Marshall in November 2000, so I already had "NLP ears" when I first learned about giraffe ears.

I'm guessing a book could be written comparing and contrasting NVC and NLP, but since we giraffes love brevity, I'll try to keep this to less than 1000 words.

NLP emerged from the efforts of Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the mid 70's. Their early work was built on modeling Virginia Satir and Fritz Perls, as well as Carl Rogers and Milton Erickson. Before the term NLP was coined, they created the "Meta-Model", within which can be found the distinctions between "Life-alienated communication" and "Nonviolent Communication" at the linguistic level. (See the Structure of Magic Vol 1 and 2, as well as Patterns Vol 1 and 2)

NLP is much, much more than eye movements and representational systems (visual, auditory and kinesthetic).

There are 2 main presuppositions to NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). A presupposition is an underlying "belief" or axiom upon which the rest of a system (or epistemology) is built.

1. The Map is Not the Territory. (I have heard Marshall say this on at least a half dozen occasions.) This idea seems to have originated from the mind of the early 20th century linguist Alfred Korzybski. Another way of looking at is, the menu is not the meal. We all see the world as we are, not as the world is. In other words, we all use language to create internal "representations" in order to make meaning of the much bigger world "out there". By there very nature, the representations are inaccurate, partially true images of "Reality". The only complete and accurate map would have to be as big as Reality itself! One goal of NLP is to make the richest map possible.

For me, this is also a foundation of NVC. When I remember that my view of the world is of my own making (emerging from the state of my needs and my conditioning) and remember that that is also so for you, it helps me to move from a right-wrong paradigm and into a "yes-and", needs-focused view where connection can be made in spite of disagreement or conflict about strategy or belief.

2. Biological Interactions are Systemic (Cybernetic) as opposed to linear.
One aspect of this idea is that if you exert change on one part of a system, the entire system will be affected. This seems to me to be the heart of empathy, healing, reconciliation and social change. If I approach myself or another with giraffe ears (the intention to connect and a focus on ofnr) it changes the dynamic between us and creates a context for connection and deepening of connection to occur.

A corollary of this presupposition in NLP is that "all behavior is motivated by a positive intention". In NVC we simply clarify that the positive intention is to get a need met.

I tell myself that NLP (and NVC) are both powerful skill sets. In NVC, with the deep and important focus on the intention to connect, abuse of the tools is less likely. This is what I think Marshall means when he speaks of "Spiritual Clarity"- Do I want to live compassionately? Do I want to connect? Are your needs and my needs both important? This is the lynchpin of NVC consciousness.

In NLP, intentions can be much different, and that gives rise to my concern. I may intend to get my needs met without regard to your needs, and NLP offers a powerful array of linguistic strategies that could be used in this way. I have seen NLP-based "pick-up guides" and have personally experienced the power of NLP-based sales techniques. Anthony Robbin's book Unlimited Power gives a flavor of this range of intentions. If all NLP trainers taught with the care and attention to "ecology" and spiritual clarity as Robert Dilts, I would not have as much concern. (Ecology means an awareness that the choices I make affect the rest of the system and that there is a need to protect the integrity and well-being of the system and all of its component parts. I think the words we use to describe this concept in NVC are mutuality, well-being and interdependence.)

For now, I have decided that NVC is "enough". The four components of NVC, the three modes of self-connection, empathy and honesty, the focus of intention on connection and attention on the present moment, define a simple yet profound model to facilitate human development, healthier relationships and life-affirming social change. I like that the basic skills of NVC can be understood (and experienced) by almost anyone in as little as an hour or two, yet the integration of the skills and consciousness is a lifetime's work. I appreciate that NVC can be practiced alone or in groups, that peer led groups can be as life-enriching as groups led by "Certified" trainers. NLP, to be really understood, takes a minimum of 3 weeks intensive training with a Master Trainer like Dilts, Bandler, Grinder, or a few others. The expense of such training makes it virtually impossible for all but the affluent to get the training. And I feel scared that the outcomes may not all be life-affirming.

NLP continues to inform my understanding and integration of NVC, although I am not attracted to the idea of trying to teach it to anyone. When I become clear that connection is what I need, I want a set of easy to learn skills to enhance the possibility that connection is what I will get. NVC offers me these skills. Now its up to me to do the work to integrate the consciousness with ever-increasing ability and awareness.

I'd like to hear from folks any reactions they have to what I have shared here.

Warmly,

Jim

PS A treasure trove of NLP information is available free of charge at Robert Dilt's nlpuniversitypress.com For a complete list of NLP presuppositions go to: http://www.nlpuniversitypress.com/html2/PrPu24.html

2006-08-29T23:53:00.001-07:00

Greetings, all,

I've just returned from a wonderous trip to Hawaii and have posted the first batch of photos from a "hike" I took. This was unlike any hike (or other outdoor adventure for that matter!) I've ever been on before. As the trek progressed, the "path" became more treacherous and slippery, my future more and more uncertain. I felt so many feelings arise-from wonder to fear to exhilaration to relief to boredom to exhaustion to peace. Many needs were met, including connection, mutual support, beauty, "stretch", transcendence...

If you would like to see the pictures from this adventure, go to: share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AcOGrZs4bM2LjA

I'd love to hear your responses!

Warmly,

Jim

2006-08-11T10:04:00.001-07:00

A Ramble on Personal Transportation and Emissions

I'm feeling better today after suffering my first migraine attack since moving to California. Another fantasy shattered. Another nail in the coffin of impermanence.

So, I started responding to emails and got involved again with a thread about the best option for a personal vehicle. I've been in a friendly debate with friends about bio-diesel vs a new Prius (Al Gore's advice) vs keeping my own car 'til the wheels fall off.

It seems clear to me that people driving in cars (or using other modes of transportation utilizing internal combustion) contribute to emissions. I see that when I buy a Prius or Insight or whatever, my personal contribution will go down. This is true when I decide to ride my bike or walk to do errands as well and my car sits idly in the driveway. The "emissions life" of my car remains the same no matter which particular person drives it. The optimal strategy seems to be to sell the car to a reckless driver who will crash the car beyond repair within the first mile of driving it while not injuring himself/herself or someone else in the process, and the gas tank is almost empty when I sell it. Then he/she realizes that they don't want a dangerous personal emitter either and pledge to use public transportation for the rest of their life. This would seem to meet the most needs for the most people. (except the insurance company!) 1994 Nissan Quest for sale. 140,000 miles. Gently falling apart. $3000 or best offer. Terrible drivers only need apply. No gasoline included.

I was impressed recently when my car had to be inspected under the CA emissions standards, which are much stricter than NM. My car, although it is almost 14 years old, emits a fraction of the allowed standard. This stimulates slightly less guilt.

Recently I saw "Who Killed the Electric Car". A sad and poignant tale of how the Powers that Be seem locked in an egocentric struggle to focus the most wealth on the least folks at the greatest cost to the most folks. Fun fact to know and tell: The average person drives an average of only 29 miles each day. I reckon this about the range of a golf cart. I also heard that the average speed for a car in New York City is about 3 miles an hour, although I can't remember where I read that. In spite of that, we continue to build and buy cars capable of 400 mile trips at 100 miles per hour. That's abundance?
http://www.sonyclassics.com/whokilledtheelectriccar/

There are kits available to convert many cars to Lithium Ion batteries now. The guy who developed the Li battery is quite a character. He's one of the stars of the movie. Amazing he hasn't been disappeared. One of his early breakthrough batteries was bought lock, stock, and barrel by GM and was never seen from again, allegedly for use in the Electric Car of the movie title, R. I. P.

If the rest of my van was not so completely falling apart, piece by piece, I would consider that option. Apparently the ideal vehicle for conversion is a Chevy S-10 pickup.

Meanwhile, my personal goal is 15 gallons a month or less. At almost $3.30 a gallon, it still a significant dent in the wallet. And gas remains cheaper in the US than most markets. In Holland, gas is about $7/gallon. The biggest exception, our friends to the south in Venezuela who enjoy gas for less than 15 cents a gallon, as of March 2005. (http://money.cnn.com/pf/features/lists/global_gasprices/)

I recently "ran the numbers" on my personal car ownership costs, including gas, maintenance, insurance, et. al. Sometimes I wonder if I could save money by renting a car once a week, or even taking a taxi any place I didn't want to walk. This would not decrease my personal emissions, however, except I might become more efficient. I was astonished to see that I have spent $65,000 in auto related expenses since I started keeping records about 10 years ago. This does not include gas expenses for 7 of the years. Adding an average of $1000/year makes for $72000. The van has 140000 miles on it. I'm guessing the other cars I've owned (driven by my kids) contributed another 50,000 miles. Round it up to 200000 miles. Makes the cost per mile about .36/mi.

Still works out cheaper to own a car. Economies of scale, I reckon. And global warming is one apparent cost of the relatively cheap convenience we enjoy. A curse on our grandchildren, and ourselves if the Buddhists are right about reincarnation.

In Singapore, a "license" to own a car is about $100,000. Public transportation works quite well there.

GloballyWarmly,

Jim

2006-08-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

A Ramble on Personal Transportation and Emissions

I'm feeling better today after suffering my first migraine attack since moving to California. Another fantasy shattered. Another nail in the coffin of impermanence.

So, I started responding to emails and got involved again with a thread about the best option for a personal vehicle. I've been in a friendly debate with friends about bio-diesel vs a new Prius (Al Gore's advice) vs keeping my own car 'til the wheels fall off.

It seems clear to me that people driving in cars (or using other modes of transportation utilizing internal combustion) contribute to emissions. I see that when I buy a Prius or Insight or whatever, my personal contribution will go down. This is true when I decide to ride my bike or walk to do errands as well and my car sits idly in the driveway. The "emissions life" of my car remains the same no matter which particular person drives it. The optimal strategy seems to be to sell the car to a reckless driver who will crash the car beyond repair within the first mile of driving it while not injuring himself/herself or someone else in the process, and the gas tank is almost empty when I sell it. Then he/she realizes that they don't want a dangerous personal emitter either and pledge to use public transportation for the rest of their life. This would seem to meet the most needs for the most people. (except the insurance company!) 1994 Nissan Quest for sale. 140,000 miles. Gently falling apart. $3000 or best offer. Terrible drivers only need apply. No gasoline included.

I was impressed recently when my car had to be inspected under the CA emissions standards, which are much stricter than NM. My car, although it is almost 14 years old, emits a fraction of the allowed standard. This stimulates slightly less guilt.

Recently I saw "Who Killed the Electric Car". A sad and poignant tale of how the Powers that Be seem locked in an egocentric struggle to focus the most wealth on the least folks at the greatest cost to the most folks. Fun fact to know and tell: The average person drives an average of only 29 miles each day. I reckon this about the range of a golf cart. http://www.sonyclassics.com/whokilledtheelectriccar/

There are kits available to convert many cars to Lithium Ion batteries now. The guy who developed the Li battery is quite a character. He's one of the stars of the movie. Amazing he hasn't been disappeared. One of his early breakthrough batteries was bought lock, stock, and barrel by GM and was never seen from again, allegedly for use in the Electric Car of the movie title, R. I. P.

If the rest of my van was not so completely falling apart, piece by piece, I would consider that option. Apparently the ideal vehicle for conversion is a Chevy S-10 pickup.

Meanwhile, my personal goal is 15 gallons a month or less. At almost $3.30 a gallon, it still a significant dent in the wallet. And gas remains cheaper in the US than most markets. In Holland, gas is about $7/gallon. The biggest exception, our friends to the south in Venezuela who enjoy gas for less than 15 cents a gallon, as of March 2005. (http://money.cnn.com/pf/features/lists/global_gasprices/)

I recently "ran the numbers" on my personal car ownership costs, including gas, maintenance, insurance, et. al. Sometimes I wonder if I could save money by renting a car once a week, or even taking a taxi any place I didn't want to walk. This would not decrease my personal emissions, however, except I might become more efficient. I was astonished to see that I have spent $65,000 in auto related expenses since I started keeping records about 10 years ago. This does not include gas expenses for 7 of the years. Adding an average of $1000/year makes for $72000. The van has 140000 miles on it. I'm guessing the other cars I've owned (driven by my kids) contributed another 50,000 miles. Round it up to 200000 miles. Makes the cost per mile about .36/mi.

Still works out cheaper to own a car. Economies of scale, I reckon. And global warming is one apparent cost of the relatively cheap convenience we enjoy. A curse on our grandchildren, and ourselves if the Buddhists are right about reincarnation.

In Singapore, a "license" to own a car is about $100,000. Public transportation works quite well there.

GloballyWarmly,

Jim

2006-08-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

Online Practice Group
Live, Interactive Component Now Scheduled

Greetings, Friends,

Well, I've finally settled on a strategy to try for the live and interactive component of our online NVC practice group. I feel a mixture of excitement and apprehension as we enter a new world together! My hopes for the group are to foster a community based on honesty and empathy, grounded in self-connection. We will decide together how to use our time with one another.

We will start with a 90 minute call on Thursday, August 31 at 4 pm, Pacific Daylight Time (-8 GMT). If you would enjoy participating, please follow the following instructions at about 3:55 pm on August 31.

(Note, this is a TOLL call, and you will be billed for the duration of the call by your long distance provider. The number is in IOWA, USA.)

If you are using Skype or other VOIP providers, you may or may not be able to access the call. I have had mixed success with this, apparently because of the delay sometimes encountered sending touch tone signals over the internet.

There is no charge for the Practice Group, although you can send a contribution if doing so would meet your needs.

To Participate:

1. Dial (319) 632-1100
2. Enter your participant access code: 137631#
3. Please take a moment to listen in, and when you sense an "opening" announce yourself.
4. At 4 pm, I will mute all of you in order to say a few things about the structure of the group and my present feelings, needs, and requests, and then I will open the channel to encourage an optional check-in about what needs your are hoping to meet through participating.

Note: Although I cannot imagine more than a dozen of us connecting this way, there is the potential for 96 folks to join the conference call. We will have the option of recording some or all of the class, and folks can access it at their leisure. This will be one of our first agenda items for consent.

If you have any questions, please write to me at nvctrainer@gmail.com

Another final note. The requests for times and days that would work for folks to participate varied widely, from 5 am - 9pm PDT and every day of the week! I finally chose a time that seemed to work for the most people. If this seems like a strategy that meets folks needs, we can schedule other time periods as well.

Warmly,

Jim

2006-07-31T15:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

I'm happy that our son Jiva is "home" with us this summer, working with International Projects at CNVC. This summer break for him from his Master's degree studies at the European University for Peace Studies seems like a win-win strategy for both Jiva and CNVC.

Today CNVC received a letter from someone asking about NVC and the current crisis in Israel and Lebanon. The task of responding ended up on Jiva's desk, and he shared it with me. Here's an excerpt of the letter and Jiva's response:

I would really like to know what people in the NVC world are thinking and
feeling about the current situation in Lebanon. Mostly what we hear in the
news is condemnation of Israel for its disproportionate use of force, which
is justifiable. I cannot help judging the Israeli government as taking
action which is unlikely to meet anyone's needs, not even their own.
Hizbollah also is being judged, because they are prepared to threaten the
security and peace of Israeli citizens to advance their cause, as well as
risking the peace and lives of Lebanese. I want to see justice for
Palestinian people, who have had to live in the most terrible conditions. I
want to see Israelis able to live in peace and not pawns in the power games
of those with various interests in the region. I want to see people able to
transcend history and tribe in order to advance the interests and needs of
all people living in the region. Demonstrating against Israel or anyone else
for that matter, does not address any of this, and is counterproductive. How
can we grow a new kind of demonstration, that is positive in intent, that
seeks to unite all who love peace and value the common humanity of all - and
which is at the same time not naive, but cognisant of the strong feelings
and complex issues involved and able to acknowledge and work with that. Who
is doing anything to advance such a cause?

-Concerned

Dear Concerned,

It sounds like you are really mourning what is going on in Israel and Lebanon right now. Sounds like some of the responses that you've heard in the news have stimulated some frustration, anger, and sadness, because your needs for harmony, mutuality, and peace are not being met through current strategies of diplomats and peaceworkers on all sides. I'm also hearing a deep sense of caring and compassion, and it sounds like you are really needing to contribute in ways that will be meaningful to you and to all of those affected by the current violence. Is that right? Is there anything else alive in you around this?

I also feel deep sadness as I hear stories of the escalating violence and suffering each day in the region. At times, I feel hopeless, helpless, and alone, really wishing for a world in which people were more willing to meet needs in mutually life-enriching and peaceful ways. Personally I have many friends, mainly Palestinian and Israeli, who are now surrounded by more violence than ever, and I feel very afraid and helpless as I reflect on what they are going through. I am also wanting to see new approaches to nonviolent resolution that go beyond the norms of protest, which as you said, seem counterproductive, at best, most of the time. But I feel a surge of excitement reading your email, knowing that there are others out there who are wanting to approach and develop creative, life-serving strategies for building unity, peace, and love. I want to let you know that I hear about new developments around this every day, and feel very hopeful that if we all coordinate our actions and work together, we can contribute to creating a world to which we all want to belong.

As far as I know, there is no presence of NVC in Lebanon at this time. In Israel, we have many supporters and independent trainers working to bring the skills of NVC to the region (you can find their contact information on the CNVC website). We also have many other supporters in the region, including in Palestine, Iran, and the United Arab Emirates. CNVC is also working to build relationships with other organizations committed to nonviolence and conflict resolution, and so I am very open to hearing any information about what you know is going on there. Similarly, CNVC is reaching out to people in areas that are highly affected by violence, including the Middle East, and organizing support for special sessions with Marshall devoted to social change. For example, CNVC has recently supported a small group from Iraq to come to Switzerland for NVC training. Of course, many of the people that CNVC would like to reach in these areas are not able, financially, to make the trip and participate in the trainings, so one way to contribute to those efforts is to help them cover the costs through an earmarked contribution to CNVC.

The second major project that CNVC is involved in is the global campaign for Departments of Peace. The National Director of the US campaign, Lynn McMullen, is also the head of development for CNVC, and she has been incorporating NVC by working to train everyone involved in the campaign in basic NVC skills as well as deeper NVC consciousness. This entire campaign is very exciting to me, as it presents an opportunity to address issues around the causes and roots of violence throughout the world. You can find more info on that at www.thepeacealliance.org

You may also look on the CNVC website at the Social Change project, which includes a listserve of people interested in connecting NVC to social change. Here's the link: http://www.cnvc.org/psocchng.htm

Finally, on a more personal note, I am also a student in a MA program at the European University Centre for Peace Studies in Stadtschlaining, Austria. Many of my classmates are deeply involved in transforming the conflict in Israel and Lebanon, and we have all been in dialogue about what directions we would like to take our own work. I have been very vocal in pushing creative approaches to thinking about our contributions, as I share your hopelessness that protest will make any positive difference. I am happy to send you more information about organizations and groups that are working in the region, though many of them are based in Europe, Northern Africa, and the Middle East (and not N. America). Would that kind of information be helpful to you?

Finally, I encourage you to act in ways that are life-serving for you right now. If you don't see the strategies that you want to support in the world, I encourage you to create them! Talk to the people that you know, and don't know, start dialogue groups and spread awareness, bring up ideas at your own NVC practice group--I think we would all be surprised to find out just how much support there is out there.

One strategy that works for me when I'm feeling helpless or hopeless, or really any time I want to be creative, is to think about what needs are alive in me, and just hold those needs in my heart. Sometimes it helps to find a quiet place and just relax deeply for a few minutes, letting those needs settle in my heart and mind, and allowing myself the space and resources to cultivate creative strategies for meeting those needs. I've found that in my own practice, answers just tend to materialize in front of me, and new strategies seem to miraculously appear!

Would you be willing to hit reply and let me know what is alive in you as you read this? I would enjoy hearing any feelings or needs that have been stimulated. I am also very open to and interested in pursuing dialogue about how we can all contribute to this situation. Please feel free to request any more support or information.

With gratitude, respect, and peace,
Jiva

2006-07-23T12:53:00.000-07:00

Dreaming in Giraffe

I recently received an email from someone sharing their NVC dreams, hopes and goals. She asked, "what are some of the NVC leadership dreams that some other people have?" This stimulated in me the following response:

When I let myself dream really big, I see hundreds of thousands of practice
groups in the world. Like AA, you can arrive in any city of the world, consult a guide and find a place to practice NVC in a community of support.

I see a million certified trainers (or trainers with that skill and
consciousness, regardless of affiliation with CNVC)

I also see NVC TV, movies, music, media.

I see a Criminal and Civil Justice system based on a restorative model, not a punitive model.

I see a world where ALL people's basic needs are met with relative certainty. Meeting needs is the sure path to a peaceful model of conflict revolution.

I see the opportunity to live an immersion experience, a Global NVC Training
Center where people can come and learn to integrate NVC more deeply into their lives.

I see a network of NVC Communities around the planet.

I see a network of NVC based Senior Citizen centers, tapping the consciousness
and social change potential of Baby boomers done with accumulation and ready for
contribution.

I see a network of schools at all levels teaching and living NVC.

I see a vibrant and acive online community of learning, support, contribution and integration.

I see what is happening in Germany, happening everywhere! Germany leads the world in trainers per capita and getting NVC into the consciousness of Everyman. I've heard that bookshops throughout Germany prominently display the German translation of Marshall's book.

I see a network of synergy between CNVC and other like-hearted groups contributing to meeting needs.

I see us going past the tipping point of awareness of and focus on Needs.

And I see a more active presence of the NVC community in world affairs. Where is the NVC voice concerning Lebanon, Syria, and the other hot spots? Where is the NVC consciousness in the White House, the UN, in politics in general? Where is the NVC consciousness in the "Anti-War" movement?

I see Marshall receiving the Nobel Peace prize. I see Marshall or another "senior Giraffe" as the Secretary of the new US Department of Peace. I see Department of Peace as common as Miistries of War or Defense.

I see Marshall on Oprah, and Leno, and Letterman, on PBS.

And I see what is happening now continuing to grow and blossom. I'm celebrating over 200 Certified Trainers, many registered cert-candidates, and a quarter million folks touched by NVC in the past few years.

And I dream of undreamed of possibilities emerging from our connection to Needs and Request energy!

I'm looking forward to hearing other's dreams!

Warmly,

Jim

2006-07-19T11:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

I'm feeling excited and pleased that my Radical Compassion: The Essence of Nonviolent Communication has "sold out." This meets my needs for contribution and support!

I will continue to accept registrations with the intent of offering another series as soon as possible.

I received a touching note from one participant today who expressed both excitement and apprehension about the class. I responded with some empathy, then some advice, which I will pass on to you. I'd like to hear if using this simple self-emapthy process meets any of your needs!

Warmly,
Jim
________

I'm guessing your apprehension is around your needs for acceptance and/or competence, is that accurate?

You can get a head start on the class by "connecting with the life" within that apprehension. If you want, take about 5 minutes and write down everything you're telling yourself about attending the class. Uncensored. You will not have to share it with anyone! This is just for you and your growth...

Then, go back and mindfully read what you have written with empathic ears, offering yourself the gift of presence, focusing on the life within the "jackal". See if you can guess what feelings and needs are "under the surface" of what you have written. For example, if I wrote, "Everybody thinks this class is going to suck, especially after they hear me talk for about 30 seconds!", I might guess that I'm feeling anxious, scared, and needing a sense of acceptance and self-acceptance. I suggest you write the feelings and needs down next to each thought. For me, connecting with feelings and needs in this way is a life-serving strategy that meets needs for self-connection, learning, emotional liberation, and growth.

When I was a baby, baby giraffe (I've just graduated to baby giraffe!), I found this a valuable tool for learning and integrating a needs-based consciousness and developing presence with myself and others. I still use it when I get so stuck that nothing else seems to help me connect with life.

I'm hopeful you find this advice useful.

2006-07-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

Celebrating baby "giraffe-ness!".

May your needs be met with perfection!

Photo from http://www.flickr.com/photos/amberlion/190125425/
Photo of 4 month old Nigel by amberlion http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.5/

2006-07-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

I feel happy that a couple of folks have recently joined my yahoo group, NVCLeadership! Seeing that meets my
needs for growth and connection.

When I first started an NVCLeadership yahoo group just after moving to California, it was with an intention to create an online community
focused on the practice of Nonviolent Communication. Since then, I have begun
actualizing that potential with some other strategies, including this blog (http://
connectionnow.blogspot.com) my training site (http://
radicalcompassion.squarespace.com) and my vaestro channel (http://vaestro.com/
viewforum-84). I've also recently begun a collaboration with the NVC Academy. With all
of these "Channels" opening, I'm feeling at once exhilirated and overwhelmed.

I'd like to hear from folks connected to this blog what needs you have related to
learning, practicing and integrating NVC and what specific requests you have about how to get your needs met. Hearing
this will support me in crafting some strategies that will hopefully meet your needs (perhaps for learning, community, exploration, and connection) while meeting those needs for me along with contribution, clarity and ease. Would you be willing to respond with what you would like?

I look forward to collaborating together to find ways to make our online community a valuable
resource for all of us.

Warmly,

Jim

2006-07-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

"If you have a teenager, or if you invest in the stock market, you know very well that a complex system cannot be controlled, it can only be managed. Because responses cannot be predicted, the system can only be observed and responded to. The system may resist attempts to change its state. It may show resiliency. Or fragility. Or both.

An important feature of complex systems is that we don’t know how they work. We don’t understand them except in a general way; we simply interact with them. Whenever we think we understand them, we learn we don’t. Sometimes spectacularly."

You can read the complete speech by Michael Crichton @ http://www.michaelcrichton.com/speeches/complexity/complexity.html

I'd like to hear your response if you have one that you would enjoy sharing...

After reading the sppeech, I sense an opening within myself to more deeply question my assumptions; to endeavor to uncover the hidden ones; to forgive myself for mistakes I've made in trying to manage the complex systems in my life; and to have compassion for all of us that we share the same boat. I have an even deeper respect for our planetary system and more understanding of my relationship to it. It stimulates within me a yearning to increase my focus on human needs, as well as community and global needs. I feel safer, and paradoxically accept the risk posed just by being human on a chaotic planet.

2006-07-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

Greetings friends,

I'm feeling excited about an upcoming opportunity to share Nonviolent Communication in the LA area. If you know anyone who may be interested in attending this workshop, would you be willing to let them know about it?

Warmly,

Jim

Radical Compassion: an experiential workshop in Nonviolent Communication

Sunday, July 9, 2006, Workshop
10:00 am – 4:00 pm
1420 N. Claremont Bvd Suite 204C
Claremont, CA 91711
AIKO INSTITUTE

Open to all skill levels, including those curious about NVC, beginning, intermediate, and advanced practitioners.

We will begin with an introductory practice session @ 10 am. Followed by a potluck around noon. After enjoying a meal, we will continue to learn about and practice the Nonviolent Communication process together until 4 pm.

Learn to use the Nonviolent Communication process :
- to deeply connect with your own feelings and needs;
- to honestly express your values to others in a way likely to inspire a compassionate response;
- to empathically receive the feelings and needs of others, no matter how the message may be delivered!
- to use the life-affirming power of gratitude as a fuel source for effective personal transformation, more connected relationships and life-affirming social change.

No previous experience required.

Please pre-register by calling 909-624-7770

For more information on the content of the workshop,
call Jim Manske @ 818-541-9695 or email nvctrainer@gmail.com

2006-06-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

Greetings, friends,

The whirlwind of the IIT has subsided, and I continue to bask in the afterglow of a remarkable event. I intend to share some of my feelings, needs and thoughts about the IIT later, but right now I'm back in scurry mode, preparing for a weekend junket to Oakland to participate with the BayNVC US Project meeting. In the meantime, I wanted to share with you some writing from my friend Steve Tumulo who attended the recent IIT. He asked me to give folks the opportunity to share some of his experience of integrating NVC. If you would enjoy connecting with Stephen about what comes alive in you as read it, feel free to make a comment or send him an email @ worldwidetumolo@earthlink.net

Warmly,

Jim

Dwelling in the Energy

At a recent Nonviolent Communication intensive training in Albuquerque, Robert Gonzales led a session called “the Living Energy of Needs.” In this session, I began to make a number of connections between the spirit, intention, and process of Nonviolent Communication and the message carried in Christian scripture.

“Meet the Need”
In his presentation, Robert led participants through an exercise in which he invited us to “meet the need.” The invitation was not to “meet” the need in the sense of acting to fulfill it immediately, but to encounter, or meet it. This was an invitation to bring into my consciousness and dwell in the energy in this beautiful desire within me. Through this exercise I encountered the need for self-respect not out of my sense of its lack, but of its presence.

“Fully Human and Fully Divine”
Meeting a need, encountering a need, for which I am deeply hungering and simultaneously connecting to its fullness reminds me of the Christian understanding of the mingling of humanity and divinity in Christ. Christ is the divine energy incarnate, embracing the limitations and unmet longings of human life, while losing none of the consciousness of who he is and where he comes from and his intention on this planet.

“Dwelling in the Energy of the Need”
As longing and eternal presence are embodied in the person of Jesus, Robert Gonzales invited participants to bring together the pain of a deeply felt unfulfilled need an awareness of that need in its presence and life. Through dwelling in the energy of the need, the energy begins to activate inside that person, not changing their circumstance, but simply adding an awareness of the preciousness of how I am made as human, with this beautiful heart’s desire. This is abiding or dwelling in the Quality, in the presence, behind the need.

“Abide in Me”
Jesus invited his disciples to remain in conscious connection with him regardless of their circumstance. “I am the vine and you are the branches,” he told them. “Whoever abides in me will have life within them. They will bear much fruit. Without me you can do nothing.”

“Don’t prepare what to say”
Jesus encouraged disciples to not prepare long speeches in their defense, but to simply abide in his presence and energy and let life flow. This is what I heard Robert inviting us to in focusing on meeting the need as encounter ahead of attempts to go out and get all our needs fulfilled.

“Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”
Out of the awareness of the preciousness of how we are made as human, all with the same powerful desires in each of our hearts, it’s natural to value others needs and my own needs on the same level. Living out of this mutual honoring is living out the great law, to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

“Christ on the Cross”
God is Love. And when Love is crucified, Love responds in a particular way. This is the response of Christ on the cross, experiencing the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual pain in unmet desires for love, friendship, life, understanding, intimacy, and much more with no condemnation. Christ on the cross experiences the raw pain of so many unmet desires for love and connection with his people and does not add to it condemnation. Never in the four gospels do we hear Jesus blaming himself or second-guessing his own choices. Likewise, Jesus does not condemn his persecutors: “Father, forgive them. They know not what they are doing.” He recognizes the tragedy in their choice of strategy and leaves them with forgiveness.

In doing so, Jesus leads humanity in the way out of the cycle of violence. Love incarnate bears the cross, the pain of not being met, and, choosing neither condemnation of self nor other, abides.

Stephen Michael Tumolo, Nonviolent Communication International Intensive Training, Albuquerque, New Mexico, June, 2006

2006-06-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Friends,

In the moment I'm feeling some overwhelm as I juggle all of the balls in my life. Organizing the IIT has become the number one focus for me, and I'm choosing to put some other projects on the shelf until July. I hope to continue to periodically update the two websites and make occasional contributions to the Vaestro channel. However, I do not currently have enough time, energy or other resources to continue building the technology and content of the Online Practice Group.

In the meantime, please continue your online exploration of the various NVC and CNVC resources available. Some are listed under the links on this page.

I'm appreciating your support and interest in learning more about NVC. If you have any feelings and needs that you would like to communicate, I feel open to receiving them.

Warmly,
Jim

2006-05-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

Marshall training at Findhorn!

Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of the Heart and several other books, arrived in Findhorn in Scotland recently to offer NVC training to a group of about 150 folks from 23 countries. Findhorn is offering extensive daily reports on the training. If you would enjoy learning more, click on http://www.findhorn.org/content/nonvio/archives/000662.php

2006-05-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

UPDATE ON ONLINE PRACTICE GROUP

Greetings, Friends,

I feel excited to report that the Radical Compassion online practice group is taking form as I work out the details of a variety of strategies. Read on for some ways you can choose to participate! I'm hopeful this group will meet needs for connection, learning and community.

INTERACTIVE POSSIBILITIES

One way to begin is to read my two websites: http://connectionnow.blogspot.com/
and http://radicalcompassion.squarespace.com/ (or whatever parts of those that you enjoy reading!)

I would enjoy it if you would respond with comments to any portions of those offerings that move you.

Also, you can listen to my first offerings on the Vaestro Audio Forum if you have computer speakers/headphones.

If you have a microphone, you can respond and interact with one another as well. Its kind of like audio email. Very cool!

First step there is to sign up (free) online at Vaestro.com http://vaestro.com/mail
The Radical Compassion forum is http://vaestro.com/viewforum-84

Please let me know if you have any problems with any of these pieces!

LIVE PRACTICE GROUP COMPONENT

I'd like you to consider signing up for a skype.com account (also free). This will allow us to talk together in real time in a free conference call.

Skype is a way to talk to others using your computer. You need a computer, an internet connection and a microphone and speakers/headphones. Most computers come with them built in. Once the software is installed, using Skype is as easy as making a phone call.

To get connected via Skype, first download the software for your PC. Follow this link and choose the software written for your computer:
http://skype.com/download/

There is a "how to guide" to help you with the next steps @ http://skype.com/help/guides/howtoskype/

Secondly, when you have done this, I'd like it if you send me your send me your Skype id. This will enable us to communicate in real time via Skype.

(As an added bonus, all Skype users can make free long distance calls using Skype throughout the US and Canada until the end of 2006. Skype to Skype calls are always free anywhere in the world!)

The third step is to let me know your preference for our first meeting. Please send three possible "windows" of time. (For example, Wednesday evening, 6-8 pm PDT)

I'm envisioning a 2 hour "call" via skype where we can begin to connect "in person" and "live". If possible, please translate your request into Pacific Daylight Time (UTC -7).

In a few days I intend to announce our first meeting after receiving your requests.

REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK

As this is an experimental group, your feedback is vital to me. Throughout your participation, I would enjoy hearing about what works about the online practice group and any problems that arise (either technical issues or any other needs of your that are unmet.)

I am hopeful that together we can all refine this idea into an effective strategy to make NVC available easily to anyone with an internet connection!

I am offering this group as a gift, although I remain open to receiving your support. If you would like to donate to the online practice group, you can do so via paypal @ http://radicalcompassion.squarespace.com Simply click the "make a donation button" and follow the instructions. I'm grateful for your support of my sustainability!

Warmly,
Jim

2006-05-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

NVC in Chinese Prisons!

I received the following from my colleague, Liz Gay in Singapore:

Dear Friends

I am delighted to share the content of an email sent to me by a
contact in China.

Yinhua writes:

"Tony Trepasso and his wife in Yunnan have presented NVC inside
prison. The first event a few weeks ago was for 1800 inmates and
staff at a prison in Yunnan.

It was filmed by CCTV and when I asked when it will be broadcast, I
just got the following from Tony

The CCTV1 program will be aired on May 22nd. I'm not sure of the time
but will let you know when I find out. We did another presentation at
the Kunming womens prison. There were over 4000 prisoners this time
and it went very well, tears and laughter from everyone, quite
amazing!"

I have already written back to Yinhua to ask if he can put me in touch
Tony Trepasso, whose name is unfamiliar to me.

Meanwhile, if any member of this list knows anything more about these
activities, I will be delighted to make an enormous song and dance
about them in front of people I know who make decisions about training
activities in Singaporean prisons!

Warmest regards meanwhile

Liz Gay
Singapore

PS. Yinhua, who is working on a translation of Marshall's book,
NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION: A LANGUAGE OF LIFE into Mandarin, considers
it unlikely he will be granted a travel visa that would allow him to
join our Leader-full Gathering in Queensland, Australia this coming
September. Anyone with information that might help us to get around
this is most welcome to contact me via liz@nvcinbusiness.com.

2006-05-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

By the end of the IIT will NVC be "second nature" to me in my daily connections with other humans?

Question: Dear Jim, I'm still thinking about attending the upcoming IIT in Albuquerque. Here's my problem. I'm still unsure that I'll walk away from this training with any higher level of skill than I have now. Can you, or anyone you know, give me an assurance that by the end of the training NVC will be "second nature" to me in my daily connections with other humans?

Signed:
Unsure

Dear Unsure,

I hear your hesitation and need for reassurance that somehow the IIT will really give you the tools, skills and consciousness to make the kind of difference you would enjoy making in the world. I'm guessing that by "second nature" you're wanting NVC to become more of a "default" or automatic response, is that right?

Can I guarantee that? No. Because the responsibility for integrating NVC remains yours. We can only offer the context within which you can experience NVC consciousness. The IIT is designed to support others in living in a consciousness of needs. For me, integration is a life-time project characterized by remembering and forgetting, then forgiving myself for forgetting-and that's remembering!

I can say that the IIT is the best laboratory I currently know for learning to live in NVC Consciousness. I'm guessing that over the course of the 9 days, you will go through a roller coaster ride of feelings and needs ranging from exhilaration to despair. Some moments you will think, "NVC is IT! I'm so glad I decided to do this. I really feel that I'm getting it." Other moments will be characterized by depressing thoughts like, "I'll never get this. I just don't seem to have the capacity." Or perhaps you may feel angry, telling yourself, "Marshall and the trainers are just bull shit artists making up stuff as they go. They don't understand what its like in the real world." And a million variations on these themes. Of course, all of these things you tell yourself are clues about the state of your needs on a moment-to-moment basis.

And that's the (potential) "magic" of the IIT and NVC in general: to become focused, more and more, on Life, on feelings and needs, on the joy of contribution and the power of stimulating that joy in others. On dismantling the domination structures inside our own heads that paint an untrue picture of us as PPPPPPT (piss poor protoplasm poorly put together).
The IIT is also an opportunity to move from the first level of integration of NVC, intellectual understanding, and move into a conscious experience of the choice we have in each moment to create the world we want to live in, characterized by self-connection, relationships built upon a foundation of empathy and honesty, and the hard work of reorganizing social systems to reflect a connection to Life and meeting basic human needs.

I wonder if this helps?

Warmly

Jim

2006-05-11T16:47:00.000-07:00

05/11/2006

Press release from: Alliance for Sustainability

Press release from: Alliance for Sustainability

Request for Nominations for Second Annual Sustainability Awards

(CSRwire) MINNEAPOLIS – The Alliance for Sustainability is requesting nominations for the Second Annual Sustainability Awards to be given at a Gala Celebration at the Historic Fitzgerald Theatre, home of Garrison Keillor’s Prairie Home Companion, in St. Paul, Minnesota on Monday evening, September 25, 2006.

“The Second Annual Sustainability Awards and Symposium provide the opportunity to recognize individuals, organizations and communities that have been exemplary leaders and made significant contributions to sustainability—creating a world that is ecologically sound, economically viable, socially just and humane,” said Alliance for Sustainability President and Event Co-Chair Terry Gips.

A distinguished Awards Advisory Board will review the nominations and make recommendations to the Alliance Board which will announce the recipients on World Environment Day, June 5.

“Our previous recipients demonstrate the impressive diversity of sustainability,” said event Co-Chair Dawn Erlandson. “We hope people will consider nominating their favorite heroes and sheroes.”

Previous recipients inspiring author Frances Moore Lappé, artist Peter Max, Aveda Corporation Founder Horst Rechelbacher, Native-American activist Winona LaDuke, Seventh Generation Corporation, musician Larry Long, Minnesota Sustainable Community Network, University of Texas Medical Branch Galveston, the Green Institute and The Intervale.

Nominations may be submitted by Friday, May 19 by any individual, organization or community (including self-nominations) at www.afors.org. Nominees can address any aspect(s) of sustainability, including Food, Agriculture, Business, Labor, Government, Nonprofit, Community, Media, Arts, Culture, Philanthropy, Education, Academia, Faith/Spirituality, Health, Design, Planning, Architecture, Environmental Justice and Law.

Recipients will be expected to attend the award ceremonies and the half-day Sustainability Symposium held the next morning. All costs for travel, food and lodging will be covered.

Sponsors of the Awards and the Sustainability Symposium the following morning include Utne Magazine, Aveda Corporation, Seventh Generation, Piper Jaffray, CSRwire, E – The Environmental Magazine, Gift Works by Mission Research, Mal Warwick Associates, Ayurceutics, Eureka Recycling, Portfolio 21, Indigenous Designs, Jedlicka Design, Baltix Furniture, Rancho La Puerta Spa, Dolphin Blue, Progressive Asset Management, Gegax Family Foundation, University Bank, and Sustainability Associates. Additional sponsors are welcome.

The Alliance for Sustainability was founded in 1983 and has been one of the original proponents of sustainability, developing a widely used four-part definition. Its mission is to bring about personal, organizational and planetary sustainability. It has partnered with diverse business, government and non-profit groups to create the CERES Principles, Living Green Expo, and Congregations Caring for Creation, as well as numerous public policies. It offers trainings on Sustainability and the Natural Step Framework and has an e-newsletter Manna, website www.afors.org, numerous publications, a Sustainability Resource Center, and an excellent internship program.

For more information or a free membership, contact Event Coordinator Karen Engelsen at the Alliance for Sustainability, In the Hillel Center at the University of Minnesota, 1521 University Ave. SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414; 612-331-1099, karen@afors.org, www.afors.org

In the Hillel Center, University of Minnesota, 1521 University Ave SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414

612-331-1099

2006-05-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

Launching Radical Compassion: Online Practice Group

Greetings Friends,

I am entering a new chapter in my life. In a few days, I'm heading to Atlanta for a wedding and a workshop. Then, soon thereafter, I head back to Albuquerque to organize and train at the Albuquerque IIT. Right now I intend to return to LA until early July. When I return, we will continue our series on Radical Compassion and I will also contribute to others wishing to form practice groups in the LA area.

In the meantime, I am launching 2 new web-based projects to support folks in integrating NVC. I am experimenting with an "online practice group" composed of three elements:

1. A new website: Radical Compassion http://radicalcompassion.squarespace.com/welcome/
2. An interactive Podcast, also called Radical Compassion http://vaestro.com/viewforum-84
3. My ongoing blog, Connecting With Compassion http://connectionnow.blogspot.com/

I hope you participate! And I'd love to hear your feedback!

Warmly,

Jim

2006-05-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

Well-Being as a Predictor of Health
A new public health initiative in Scotland

I subscribe to a google service that snatches headlines from keywords and sends me links to stories. One of the keywords I enjoy watching is "well-being". I discovered this article today and send it along to inspire you to move toward creating the world you want to live in. http://www.theherald.co.uk/news/61521.html

If you enjoy connecting through stories like this, would you be willing to subscribe to my blog? I'd love to create community and connection there. Simply enter your email address here on the lefthand side of the page. I have no intention of sharing your email with anyone else.

Stay tuned for the launching of a new online practice group via my Vaestro channel, http://vaestro.com/viewforum-84

2006-05-03T14:19:00.000-07:00

Greetings, friends,

What is alive in you, right now, as you receive this blog? What feelings are stimulated? What are those feelings telling you about the state of your needs?

And, having connected with yourself, right now, what would make your life more wonderful? What needs would you enjoy meeting?

If you're continuing to read, I'm hopeful that you will meet needs for information, learning and connection!

INFORMATION: The best source for updated NVC information continues to be cnvc.org

LEARNING: I received the following in my inbox from (I)An-ok and I wanted to make the list of resources available to you:

An NVC video that BayNVC put out: http://baynvc.org/video.php

Marshall Rosenberg interview video: http://www.big-picture.tv/index.php?id=17&cat=&a=24

Marshall Rosenberg mp3s: http://www.cnvc.org/sbytes.htm

Miki Kashtan radio show archives: http://baynvc.org/new_announcement_details.php?announcement_id=14

Free NVC telephone class first Thursday of every month: http://www.growingcompassion.org/moreinfoclass.php?classid=152

Free NVC telephone weekly practice group every Wednesday: http://www.growingcompassion.org/moreinfoclass.php?classid=142

And a couple of additions that I enjoy: Peace Talks with Marshall: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL36.html

Changing Your World Through What You Say with Marshall Rosenberg: http://www.newdimensions.org/dimensions/MBRosenberg032806.ram

Preview Marshall's new CD based course: http://store.yahoo.com/soundstruestore/hh01022d.html

CONNECTION: In order to integrate NVC Consciousness, we need a supportive community. How would you like to get involved? Would you like to start your own practice group? If so, please write to me and I will help you get one going in your community!

Warmly,

Jim Manske
nvctrainer@gmail.com

2006-04-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Greetings, friends,

I made many wonderful new friends at the recent IIT in Santa Barbara. One of them sent me the following poem recently, which I liked and wanted to share with you!

Warmly,

Jim

A poem from Ishana

Hi there Folks,
Giraffe's my name,
My long neck is what gives me fame.
You know what else is special 'bout me?
I have the largest heart outside of the sea!
'Cause my heart is so big, my name has been given
to a language that speaks from the life within.
When we speak Giraffe,
We speak truth from the heart.
Listening for needs can be quite an art -
And feelings too - you know
Sometimes they hide,
But with my long neck,
I can see inside.
And then I can see what's Alive in you -
And that helps me see how much I'm like you!

by Ishana Ingerman - Santa Cruz, CA, USA

2006-04-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

NVC Research Launches Vaestro Channel

Greetings friends,

I'm feeling excited to share with you a new resource for keeping track of developments in the field of NVC research. Tom Caruso, chair of the CNVC Research Project (tcaruso@vt.edu) has opened a Vaestro channel to discuss NVC research projects. If you would like to listen, check out his channel: http://vaestro.com/viewforum-87

Listening to Tom's brief explanations of the two projects currently underway met my needs for understanding, clarity and inspiration.

I'd like to hear how you feel after listening, if you'd enjoy sharing then,

Warmly,

Jim

2006-04-21T16:46:00.000-07:00

5 Practices for Deepening NVC
part 2

1. Stopping
2. Observation
3. Emergence
4. Savoring
5. Cradle of Compassion

Observation

Recollecting the Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti, Marshall calls the capability of distinguishing observation mixed with evaluation from observation, "the highest form of human intelligence." A useful exercise for me in practicing observation skills consists of mindful walking.
First, setting an intention to connect with myself, I begin walking, preferably with no set direction in mind. Then I take turns opening to my senses, noticing what I see, hear, smell, taste and touch. I also notice thoughts and evaluations as they arise. The practice is to simply notice the difference between observing, which is a "thoughtless" reception of information from the world, and evaluating, which is the "play-by-play" commentary running in my mind.
I enjoy doing this for various periods of time.

2006-04-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

5 Practices for Deepening NVC
Part One
At the recent IIT in Santa Barbara, I offered a workshop in some practices to assist folks in integrating NVC Consciousness more deeply. Over the next few days, I intend to offer brief descriptions of the practices. I'd love to hear your responses and experiences.

1. Stopping
2. Observation
3. Emergence
4. Savoring
5. Cradle of Compassion

1. Stopping

In Marshall's suggestions for working with anger, his first step is to "Stop and Breathe". I have found it useful to practice this strategy when I'm feeling otherwise than angry. This has contributed to cultivating more choice when angry feelings and thoughts are stimulated.
To practice, find a comfortable sitting position with eyes open or closed. Set an intention to connect with yourself.
I like to enjoy a few deep, conscious breaths; then focus on my breath, noticing the rise and fall of my abdomen on the inhale and the exhale. Notice the feelings in the body.
If I become aware of a thought, I "label" it, then let it go, returning to my breath and the feelings in my body. By labeling, I simply mean to notice the thought, then say "thinking" to myself. If the thought persists or returns, I label it again. It is not unusual to completely forget that you are doing this process, especially when you are first learning. We habitually become entangled in our thoughts in an unconscious way. This practice is designed to add more choice to the thinking process.
I continue like this for 5-35 minutes.
At the conclusion of the practice, I enjoy connecting with any needs met and savoring them and attending to any unmet needs.

2006-04-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

Remembering

I don't often remember dreams, but last night I was awakened during the darkest part of night before the dawn, feeling desperate and bereft. In my dream, Jori had "shut down" completely, and seemed to cast me into the role of enemy. Nothing I could do could crack her open again. I felt flummoxed because I did not know "what I had done" to stimulate this response. Nothing I said or did "worked" to re-connect us.

This reflects a deep core fear in me around helplessness to influence others in order to support my well-being. It reminds me that we come into the world alone, we will leave the world alone and that loneliness is one aspect at our core. I suppose at some absolute spiritual level we are all one, but that awareness seems distant when I touch my aloneness and the grief and the mourning I feel around that.

As I write that, I connect with the anniversary tomorrow of my brother's birth. He would have been 59.

We were never as close as I would have wished (he was eight years older than me). As I grew up, he was always my inspiration. He seemed to move through life like a super-hero to me, boldly confronting the mystery, showing me glimpses of my future as I watched him navigate. I motivated myself in many respects trying to "earn" his respect and approval. A part of me longed for acceptance from him and a quality of connection I craved. I don't remember ever revealing any of this to him. This stimulates profound sadness in me.

We touched depth occasionally, sweetly. Once, about a month before he died in 1993, he called to express his concern and condolences over the recent death of my best friend. Remembering that now I feel warm, tearful; touched by his willingness to reach out to comfort me in the face of his own overwhelming pain. I was not ware of the depth of his anguish in that moment, and I regret deeply not having more skill in being able to invite, connect with and listen mindfully to his suffering. I tell myself that if I had been proficient in NVC then, it might have made a huge difference. I feel sad connecting with that, a sweet sadness around contributions I wish I could have made, longing for his well-being and our connection.

2006-04-07T13:11:00.000-07:00

Greetings friends,

I would like to share with you some celebrations of how CNVC has enriched my life and make a clear and present request for support.

As the coordinator for this year's IIT in Albuquerque, I am hungry to make the training available to the largest number of people. We have priced the training to be basically a break even proposition in order to make it as affordable as possible. It is the least expensive IIT, as far as I know, in North American history.

And still it is out of reach for many with a passion to use NVC for social transformation. I want to help others to be able to attend the IIT and am proposing that you send a donation to CNVC earmarked for the IIT Scholarship Fund for Albuquerque. Scholarship deadlines are April 17, and I pray to have enough funds to say yes to every request.

Would you be willing to look into your heart, right now, and connect with whether you can joyfully give some money for this purpose?

Then if it is yours to give, would you make the donation, right now?

I would enjoy gifts of any amount, and what would really make my heart sing is gifts of $100 or more from those who want to acknowledge how NVC, CNVC, and NM-NVC have enriched their lives. To donate, go online to http://cnvc.org/donation.htm or call 818-957-9393 or write CNVC, 2428 Foothill Blvd., La Crescenta, CA 91214.

You can also donate to NVC-NM at http://nvc-nm.org/donations.htm and specify it is for IIT Scholarships.

With Gratitude,

Jim

More than 50 ways CNVC has contributed to me:

1. Sponsored the training where I first met Marshall (a golden oldie!) (and a life transforming event!)
2. Organized the IIt I attended (another golden oldie)
3. Sent me Newsletters for free to distribute for the past several years, including last year
4. Provide a website with a listing of me and my training offerings, accessible by anyone anywhere with a computer
5. Give me a logo and a "brand" with ever increasing recognition
6. Give me a community wherever I go in the world
7. Open doors for me because of MBR's reputation
8. Answer the phone whenever I call for support
9. Answer an email whenever I need support
10. Act as a warehouse for my book and material sales
11. Ship me books and other materials whenever I want, at a discount that helps to support me
12. Certify me as a trainer, and thus open doors for me
13. Offer me the opportunity for a tax deductible donation to a cause I believe in
14. Make and keep agreements to protect the NVC service mark and copyrights
15. Make and keep agreement to provide me with an ever-increasing number of materials: books, cds, videos, cassettes, pamphlets, newsletters, puppets, ears, etc
16. Give me a list of skilled people in every part of the world to connect my friends and family with NVC
17. Give me a network of people to support me in growing myself, my practice, my training business
18. Give me a source for inspirational stories, testimonials, etc
19. Provide me with sound bytes of Marshall
20. Built a network and community of 200 Certified trainers of which I am a part
21. Built a network of hundreds of local NVC supporters around the world
22. Organize and implement Marshall's schedule which continues to be a primary way NVC is spread throughout the world
23. Offers scholarships to folks to assist them to attend training when they do not otherwise have the means to do so.
24. Act as a central clearinghouse for information and other resources.
25. Offers and provides supportive services to a Board of directors to direct the mission and vision of CNVC and NVC
26. Maintains tax exempt charity status in the USA
27. Offers free materials to those who have a need but not the ability to pay
28. Forges and maintains synergistic relationships with other organizations with missions and visions in harmony with my values
29. Offers access to webcasts
30. Offers resources for my students to access on the website
31. Fosters connection through e-groups
32. Helps to sponsor events like giraffe conventions, festivals, camps and conferences
33. Helps to publish QuickConnect e-newsletter 4 times per year
34. Struggles to create a life serving system within a domination structure
35. Offers a gateway for increasing awareness of NVC through media connections
36. Offers IIT's around the world
37. Offers to connect trainers with requests for training throughout the world
38. Offers a community of trainers connected through yearly reports
39. Does fundraising to continue to support the work
40. Updates a directory every month of contacts within the NVC Network
41. Protects the copyright and service mark for my use as a certified trainer
42. Provides resources that I can use to make my own materials in my training
43. Provides resources that I can use to continue to deepen my practice of NVC
44. Helps to fund research showing the efficacy of NVC in schools, prisons and other places
45. Provides inspiration and support to spiritual seekers in many traditions
46. Sponsors the gratitude project
47. sponsors projects in geographic locations
48. Sponsors projects related to themes, eg parenting
49. Sponsors projects related to language groups, eg lucesphone
50. Introduced me to open space, sociocracy and many other valuable tools and technologies
51. Created and fostered a training network that fulfilled my need to learn NVC by providing me with quality trainers (especially Jorge Rubio, Eva Rambala, Wes Taylor, Robert Gonzales, John Cunningham, Towe Wildstrand, Sura Hart, Sylvia Haskvitz, Lucy Leu and Susan Skye)

2006-04-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

Report from the Santa Barbara IIT

I am enjoying the glow of living in NVC Community in Santa Barbara, CA at the International Intensive Training. We have folks here from all over the planet, including someone from war-torn and tsunami ravaged Sri Lanka.

We have virtually the same training staff here as will be in Albuquerque. I have particularly enjoyed connecting with John Kinyon from BayNVC, enjoying the focus he brings to self-emapthy and attention to the messages our bodies send us to alert us to the state of our needs.

I am thrilled seeing how community, intimacy and connection are rapidly building because of the power of NVC to cultivate a needs centered consciousness. The glow of empathy and the light of honesty are permeating the beautiful grounds of Casa de Santa Maria in the hills above Santa Barbara.

I hope you will all consider helping us to bring this experience to our community in New Mexico and attend our IIT in Albuquerque this June.

If you have any questions about the IIT experience, I'd love to hear them to assist you in deciding to join us!

Warmly,
Jim

2006-03-29T08:53:00.000-08:00

Support for the Gratitude Binge

This morning I received a wonderful gift in my email from my dear friend Juli... poem by Rumi:

the net of gratitude

giving thanks for abundance
is sweeter than the abundance itself
should one who is absorbed with the Generous One
be distracted by the gift?
thankfulness is the soul of beneficence;
abundance is but the husk,
for thankfulness brings you to the place where
the Beloved lives.
abundance yields heedlessness;
thankfulness brings alertness:
hunt for bounty with the net of gratitude.

2006-03-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

From E-mail to "G"-mail...

My new morning ritual in my spiritual practice is to read my e-mail, working to receive the feelings and needs of the sender and then responding to them from the heart. Framing it as a spiritual practice has moved email, the chore, to "G"-mail! That's "Gratitude mail" or "Generative mail". After all, email at the root level is a strategy for connection, right?

I begin with my intention: what are my hopes and dreams as I open my laptop and log on? What needs am I fulfilling? I want to pay attention to the presence of any demand energy within me that says I "have to" do anything related to this practice. If I notice that, I want to train myself to pause in self-empathy, connecting with the deeper feelings needs under the surface of the "have to" thoughts. I want to savor the life behind that demand energy, than choose once again, opening my self to the vast possibilities of how I might want to move forward in this moment.

If "G"-mail is alive in me, I want to move there with an openness to connect. Scanning through the inbox, who calls to me?

Reading the first mail, imagining what this person looks like as they wrote it, reaching out with empathy across cyberspace and time to connect with another human being who has chosen to send me a "love note", an offering of connection or gratitude, all with the potential to contribute to someone's well being. I have seen and felt the power of words delivered to my inbox. Some "G"-mail moves me to laughter, others, to tears, a few to despair. I want to savor the feelings and needs that come alive in me as I connect.

If the "G"-mail I'm reading ends on a clear and present request, I am likely to respond immediately. Otherwise, I choose to either "let it go", silently thanking the person for considering to include me, or I "flag" it for later response. I usually tuck all received "G"-mails into folders in case I want to re-connect later.

When responding to "G"-mails, I am working to begin with whole-hearted, sincere gratitude, wondering and connecting with what need or needs of mine have been met in relation to this email, either right now in the present moment, or echoing from the past into the present. I start by expressing this gratitude, imagining in my minds eye the person on the receiving end of the "G"-mail savoring with me how they have contributed to my well-being. I tell them specifically what they have done that contributed to me, what need of mine they helped me to meet, and how I feel about it right now. I move from this resourceful space into the body of my g-mail, expressing with honesty what is alive in me, perhaps related to my unmet needs, ending on a clear and present request.

Then, I want to train myself to stop, if even for a moment, to savor. My intention was to meet my need for contribution when I pressed "SEND". I want to feel that feeling that comes with intending to contribute to another's well being. From this space of generative empathy for myself and others, I scan my needs, and choose once again...

And, in this moment, I am imagining you reading this, hoping that it has contributed to your well-being. Would you be willing to let me know by making a "Comment" or writing to me at nvctrainer@gmail.com?

2006-03-22T07:50:00.000-08:00

INTL PEACEMAKER Receives Major Award, Leads Local Workshops
by Bay Area Nonviolent Communication

International Peacemaker Marshall Rosenberg is receiving a Bridge of Peace Award from the Global Village Foundation in Los Angeles just before he arrives in the Bay Area next week.
Presenting the award to Dr. Rosenberg will be Michael Nagler, founder of the Peace and Conflict Studies Center at UC Berkeley.
Following the award ceremony, Marshall Rosenberg will make a rare visit to the San Francisco Bay Area to present workshops open to the general public, March 28th through April 2nd.

International Peacemaker Marshall Rosenberg is receiving a Bridge of Peace Award from the Global Village Foundation in Los Angeles just before he arrives in the Bay Area next week.

Presenting the award to Dr. Rosenberg will be Michael Nagler, founder of the Peace and Conflict Studies Center at the University of California, Berkeley, and author of Is There No Other Way? The Search for a Nonviolent Future.

Following the award ceremony, Marshall Rosenberg will make a rare visit to the San Francisco Bay Area to present workshops open to the general public, March 28th through April 2nd.

"No army is able to prevent terrorists from poisoning our streams or fouling the air. We are getting to a point where our best protection is to communicate with the people we're most afraid of."
- Marshall Rosenberg

Dr. Rosenberg will be leading workshops on overcoming prejudice, healing emotional pain, and improving relationships.

These workshops will take place March 28-31 in Oakland at the Lake Merritt United Methodist Church, 1330 Lakeshore Avenue, and April 1-2 in San Francisco at the Women's Building, 3543 18th Street.

Through Dr. Rosenberg's work, thousands around the world have found new avenues to peace--within their families and communities, in schools, prisons, and between warring factions in some of the most violent places on earth.

Rwanda, Nigeria, Burundi, Croatia, Serbia, Russia, Ireland, Thailand, Sri Lanka, India, Pakistan, Israel, and Palestine are examples of countries where Dr. Rosenberg's nonviolent communication (NVC) is taught.

"We have lived traumatic moments over and over again--moments of fear and panic, incomprehension, frustrations, disappointment, and injustice of all sorts, with no hope of escape--which made it even worse. The NVC process offers us a peaceful alternative for ending this interminable Rwandan conflict."
- Theodore Nyilidandi, Rwandan Dept. of Foreign Affairs; Kigali, Rwanda

This event is sponsored by Bay Area Nonviolent Communication (BayNVC) a nonprofit organization in Oakland which offers ongoing classes in Dr. Rosenberg's nonviolent communication process throughout the Bay Area.

BayNVC also facilitates programs such as the Restorative Justice Project at San Quentin and other area prisons and jails, and the global Peaceful Families, Peaceful World Project, supporting families in living with compassion and connection.

All contributions go toward furthering Dr. Rosenberg's work. Online registration is available at http://www.baynvc.org

SOURCE OF MARSHALL ROSENBERG QUOTE IN THIS NEWS RELEASE
http://www.cnvc.org/diankillian.htm (article discussing Restorative Justice; gives a good introduction to Marshall Rosenberg)

LINK TO THE BRIDGE OF PEACE AWARD ANNOUNCEMENT: http://www.globalvillagefoundation.org/news.html

MORE ABOUT BAY AREA NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION
http://www.baynvc.org/mission.php

MORE ABOUT MARSHALL ROSENBERG'S UPCOMING BAY AREA WORKSHOPS http://www.baynvc.org/marshall_rosenberg_visit_spring_2006.php

"Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent communication connects soul to soul . . . It is the missing element in what we do."
- Deepak Chopra, author, Ageless Body and Timeless Mind

To read more about what Deepak Chopra has said about Marshall Rosenberg: http://www.wilddivine.com/DeepakNovemberLetter/

Article republished from http://www.indybay.org/

2006-03-20T14:11:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Friends,
As you may have heard, CNVC is moving toward adopting a sociocratic governance model, which relies on sociocratic circles to make many decisions. If you would like to help create the New Mexico circle, would you be willing to reply with the best dates for you for a 4 hour meeting in April or May?
I am predicting that creating a circle will meet needs of inclusion, community, connection, and be a powerful impetus for creating social change in New Mexico.
I would like to host and facilitate a meeting at my house in Albuquerque with the aim of creating a circle and electing a representative to CNVC, although we can make provisions to include folks on a conference call or internet connection as well. I will inform readers of the various yahoo groups and my blog about the time and date of the initial meeting. In order to meet a need for inclusion, If you know of other NVC leaders who are not connected to any of the lists noted below, would you be willing to inform them of my requests?
Warmly,
Jim

PS the Albuquerque IIT continues to fill quickly. If you intend to come, I suggest you apply soon. http://iitabq.squarespace.com/
PPS for more information on sociocracy, see: http://www.cnvc.org/sociocracy.htm

Lists:
nvc-nm-open@yahoogroups.com,
nvcleadership@yahoogroups.com,
nvccertificationcandidates@yahoogroups.com,
NVC-NM-Espanola@yahoogroups.com

2006-03-15T13:39:00.000-08:00

It's Official!

According to the Tico Times, Oscar Arias has been declared the winner in Costa Rica's recent Presidential election. President Arias is a friend of the Peace Army of Costa Rica and familiar with NVC. His presidency offers an extraordinary window of opportunity to bring peace to the forefront of discussion among the people of the planet. I'd like you to consider how you can use Arias' election to further the cause of peace and social justice in your neighborhood, as well as support the Peace Army and the Center for Nonviolent Communication in our continuing efforts to promote the values of peaceful resolution of conflict and attention to basic human needs as a strategy to contribute to peace.

Oscar Arias Declared Costa Rica's New President