By the end of the IIT will NVC be "second nature" to me in my daily connections with other humans?
Question: Dear Jim, I'm still thinking about attending the upcoming IIT in Albuquerque. Here's my problem. I'm still unsure that I'll walk away from this training with any higher level of skill than I have now. Can you, or anyone you know, give me an assurance that by the end of the training NVC will be "second nature" to me in my daily connections with other humans?
I hear your hesitation and need for reassurance that somehow the IIT will really give you the tools, skills and consciousness to make the kind of difference you would enjoy making in the world. I'm guessing that by "second nature" you're wanting NVC to become more of a "default" or automatic response, is that right?
Can I guarantee that? No. Because the responsibility for integrating NVC remains yours. We can only offer the context within which you can experience NVC consciousness. The IIT is designed to support others in living in a consciousness of needs. For me, integration is a life-time project characterized by remembering and forgetting, then forgiving myself for forgetting-and that's remembering!
I can say that the IIT is the best laboratory I currently know for learning to live in NVC Consciousness. I'm guessing that over the course of the 9 days, you will go through a roller coaster ride of feelings and needs ranging from exhilaration to despair. Some moments you will think, "NVC is IT! I'm so glad I decided to do this. I really feel that I'm getting it." Other moments will be characterized by depressing thoughts like, "I'll never get this. I just don't seem to have the capacity." Or perhaps you may feel angry, telling yourself, "Marshall and the trainers are just bull shit artists making up stuff as they go. They don't understand what its like in the real world." And a million variations on these themes. Of course, all of these things you tell yourself are clues about the state of your needs on a moment-to-moment basis.
And that's the (potential) "magic" of the IIT and NVC in general: to become focused, more and more, on Life, on feelings and needs, on the joy of contribution and the power of stimulating that joy in others. On dismantling the domination structures inside our own heads that paint an untrue picture of us as PPPPPPT (piss poor protoplasm poorly put together).
The IIT is also an opportunity to move from the first level of integration of NVC, intellectual understanding, and move into a conscious experience of the choice we have in each moment to create the world we want to live in, characterized by self-connection, relationships built upon a foundation of empathy and honesty, and the hard work of reorganizing social systems to reflect a connection to Life and meeting basic human needs.
I wonder if this helps?