Monday, April 24, 2006

Greetings, friends,

I made many wonderful new friends at the recent IIT in Santa Barbara. One of them sent me the following poem recently, which I liked and wanted to share with you!



A poem from Ishana

Hi there Folks,
Giraffe's my name,
My long neck is what gives me fame.
You know what else is special 'bout me?
I have the largest heart outside of the sea!
'Cause my heart is so big, my name has been given
to a language that speaks from the life within.
When we speak Giraffe,
We speak truth from the heart.
Listening for needs can be quite an art -
And feelings too - you know
Sometimes they hide,
But with my long neck,
I can see inside.
And then I can see what's Alive in you -
And that helps me see how much I'm like you!

by Ishana Ingerman - Santa Cruz, CA, USA
NVC Research Launches Vaestro Channel

Greetings friends,

I'm feeling excited to share with you a new resource for keeping track of developments in the field of NVC research. Tom Caruso, chair of the CNVC Research Project ( has opened a Vaestro channel to discuss NVC research projects. If you would like to listen, check out his channel:

Listening to Tom's brief explanations of the two projects currently underway met my needs for understanding, clarity and inspiration.

I'd like to hear how you feel after listening, if you'd enjoy sharing then,



Friday, April 21, 2006

5 Practices for Deepening NVC
part 2

1. Stopping
2. Observation
3. Emergence
4. Savoring
5. Cradle of Compassion


Recollecting the Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti, Marshall calls the capability of distinguishing observation mixed with evaluation from observation, "the highest form of human intelligence." A useful exercise for me in practicing observation skills consists of mindful walking.
First, setting an intention to connect with myself, I begin walking, preferably with no set direction in mind. Then I take turns opening to my senses, noticing what I see, hear, smell, taste and touch. I also notice thoughts and evaluations as they arise. The practice is to simply notice the difference between observing, which is a "thoughtless" reception of information from the world, and evaluating, which is the "play-by-play" commentary running in my mind.
I enjoy doing this for various periods of time.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

5 Practices for Deepening NVC
Part One
At the recent IIT in Santa Barbara, I offered a workshop in some practices to assist folks in integrating NVC Consciousness more deeply. Over the next few days, I intend to offer brief descriptions of the practices. I'd love to hear your responses and experiences.

1. Stopping
2. Observation
3. Emergence
4. Savoring
5. Cradle of Compassion

1. Stopping

In Marshall's suggestions for working with anger, his first step is to "Stop and Breathe". I have found it useful to practice this strategy when I'm feeling otherwise than angry. This has contributed to cultivating more choice when angry feelings and thoughts are stimulated.
To practice, find a comfortable sitting position with eyes open or closed. Set an intention to connect with yourself.
I like to enjoy a few deep, conscious breaths; then focus on my breath, noticing the rise and fall of my abdomen on the inhale and the exhale. Notice the feelings in the body.
If I become aware of a thought, I "label" it, then let it go, returning to my breath and the feelings in my body. By labeling, I simply mean to notice the thought, then say "thinking" to myself. If the thought persists or returns, I label it again. It is not unusual to completely forget that you are doing this process, especially when you are first learning. We habitually become entangled in our thoughts in an unconscious way. This practice is designed to add more choice to the thinking process.
I continue like this for 5-35 minutes.
At the conclusion of the practice, I enjoy connecting with any needs met and savoring them and attending to any unmet needs.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


I don't often remember dreams, but last night I was awakened during the darkest part of night before the dawn, feeling desperate and bereft. In my dream, Jori had "shut down" completely, and seemed to cast me into the role of enemy. Nothing I could do could crack her open again. I felt flummoxed because I did not know "what I had done" to stimulate this response. Nothing I said or did "worked" to re-connect us.

This reflects a deep core fear in me around helplessness to influence others in order to support my well-being. It reminds me that we come into the world alone, we will leave the world alone and that loneliness is one aspect at our core. I suppose at some absolute spiritual level we are all one, but that awareness seems distant when I touch my aloneness and the grief and the mourning I feel around that.

As I write that, I connect with the anniversary tomorrow of my brother's birth. He would have been 59.

We were never as close as I would have wished (he was eight years older than me). As I grew up, he was always my inspiration. He seemed to move through life like a super-hero to me, boldly confronting the mystery, showing me glimpses of my future as I watched him navigate. I motivated myself in many respects trying to "earn" his respect and approval. A part of me longed for acceptance from him and a quality of connection I craved. I don't remember ever revealing any of this to him. This stimulates profound sadness in me.

We touched depth occasionally, sweetly. Once, about a month before he died in 1993, he called to express his concern and condolences over the recent death of my best friend. Remembering that now I feel warm, tearful; touched by his willingness to reach out to comfort me in the face of his own overwhelming pain. I was not ware of the depth of his anguish in that moment, and I regret deeply not having more skill in being able to invite, connect with and listen mindfully to his suffering. I tell myself that if I had been proficient in NVC then, it might have made a huge difference. I feel sad connecting with that, a sweet sadness around contributions I wish I could have made, longing for his well-being and our connection.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Greetings friends,

I would like to share with you some celebrations of how CNVC has enriched my life and make a clear and present request for support.

As the coordinator for this year's IIT in Albuquerque, I am hungry to make the training available to the largest number of people. We have priced the training to be basically a break even proposition in order to make it as affordable as possible. It is the least expensive IIT, as far as I know, in North American history.

And still it is out of reach for many with a passion to use NVC for social transformation. I want to help others to be able to attend the IIT and am proposing that you send a donation to CNVC earmarked for the IIT Scholarship Fund for Albuquerque. Scholarship deadlines are April 17, and I pray to have enough funds to say yes to every request.

Would you be willing to look into your heart, right now, and connect with whether you can joyfully give some money for this purpose?

Then if it is yours to give, would you make the donation, right now?

I would enjoy gifts of any amount, and what would really make my heart sing is gifts of $100 or more from those who want to acknowledge how NVC, CNVC, and NM-NVC have enriched their lives. To donate, go online to or call 818-957-9393 or write CNVC, 2428 Foothill Blvd., La Crescenta, CA 91214.

You can also donate to NVC-NM at and specify it is for IIT Scholarships.

With Gratitude,


More than 50 ways CNVC has contributed to me:

1. Sponsored the training where I first met Marshall (a golden oldie!) (and a life transforming event!)
2. Organized the IIt I attended (another golden oldie)
3. Sent me Newsletters for free to distribute for the past several years, including last year
4. Provide a website with a listing of me and my training offerings, accessible by anyone anywhere with a computer
5. Give me a logo and a "brand" with ever increasing recognition
6. Give me a community wherever I go in the world
7. Open doors for me because of MBR's reputation
8. Answer the phone whenever I call for support
9. Answer an email whenever I need support
10. Act as a warehouse for my book and material sales
11. Ship me books and other materials whenever I want, at a discount that helps to support me
12. Certify me as a trainer, and thus open doors for me
13. Offer me the opportunity for a tax deductible donation to a cause I believe in
14. Make and keep agreements to protect the NVC service mark and copyrights
15. Make and keep agreement to provide me with an ever-increasing number of materials: books, cds, videos, cassettes, pamphlets, newsletters, puppets, ears, etc
16. Give me a list of skilled people in every part of the world to connect my friends and family with NVC
17. Give me a network of people to support me in growing myself, my practice, my training business
18. Give me a source for inspirational stories, testimonials, etc
19. Provide me with sound bytes of Marshall
20. Built a network and community of 200 Certified trainers of which I am a part
21. Built a network of hundreds of local NVC supporters around the world
22. Organize and implement Marshall's schedule which continues to be a primary way NVC is spread throughout the world
23. Offers scholarships to folks to assist them to attend training when they do not otherwise have the means to do so.
24. Act as a central clearinghouse for information and other resources.
25. Offers and provides supportive services to a Board of directors to direct the mission and vision of CNVC and NVC
26. Maintains tax exempt charity status in the USA
27. Offers free materials to those who have a need but not the ability to pay
28. Forges and maintains synergistic relationships with other organizations with missions and visions in harmony with my values
29. Offers access to webcasts
30. Offers resources for my students to access on the website
31. Fosters connection through e-groups
32. Helps to sponsor events like giraffe conventions, festivals, camps and conferences
33. Helps to publish QuickConnect e-newsletter 4 times per year
34. Struggles to create a life serving system within a domination structure
35. Offers a gateway for increasing awareness of NVC through media connections
36. Offers IIT's around the world
37. Offers to connect trainers with requests for training throughout the world
38. Offers a community of trainers connected through yearly reports
39. Does fundraising to continue to support the work
40. Updates a directory every month of contacts within the NVC Network
41. Protects the copyright and service mark for my use as a certified trainer
42. Provides resources that I can use to make my own materials in my training
43. Provides resources that I can use to continue to deepen my practice of NVC
44. Helps to fund research showing the efficacy of NVC in schools, prisons and other places
45. Provides inspiration and support to spiritual seekers in many traditions
46. Sponsors the gratitude project
47. sponsors projects in geographic locations
48. Sponsors projects related to themes, eg parenting
49. Sponsors projects related to language groups, eg lucesphone
50. Introduced me to open space, sociocracy and many other valuable tools and technologies
51. Created and fostered a training network that fulfilled my need to learn NVC by providing me with quality trainers (especially Jorge Rubio, Eva Rambala, Wes Taylor, Robert Gonzales, John Cunningham, Towe Wildstrand, Sura Hart, Sylvia Haskvitz, Lucy Leu and Susan Skye)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Report from the Santa Barbara IIT

I am enjoying the glow of living in NVC Community in Santa Barbara, CA at the International Intensive Training. We have folks here from all over the planet, including someone from war-torn and tsunami ravaged Sri Lanka.

We have virtually the same training staff here as will be in Albuquerque. I have particularly enjoyed connecting with John Kinyon from BayNVC, enjoying the focus he brings to self-emapthy and attention to the messages our bodies send us to alert us to the state of our needs.

I am thrilled seeing how community, intimacy and connection are rapidly building because of the power of NVC to cultivate a needs centered consciousness. The glow of empathy and the light of honesty are permeating the beautiful grounds of Casa de Santa Maria in the hills above Santa Barbara.

I hope you will all consider helping us to bring this experience to our community in New Mexico and attend our IIT in Albuquerque this June.

If you have any questions about the IIT experience, I'd love to hear them to assist you in deciding to join us!