Dear Jim and Jori,

I read your article with great interest and the impact of introducing NVC into your mediation.
(http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/press/article_PDF/JJMankse/NVC_Mediation_JJManske.pdf)

I’m originally from London but recently emigrated to Toronto, Canada and in the process of re-defining my career to reflect my passion for bringing about change in human behaviour. Self-improvement and accelerated learning techniques and tools fill me with excitement.

This past summer I obtained my NLP Practitioner Certification and this weekend I will take a foundation course in NVC.

I have a question regarding NLP/NVC... how, specifically, have you integrated both in your mediation? Did you complete NLP certification prior to mediation work? What were your thoughts on how NLP would assist you/business? Without NVC would your relationships (personal/business) be as rewarding? What tips would you give for successful use of NLP/NVC? (in business context)

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,
Claudia-Maria

Hi, Claudia-Mara,

Your question about integration is complicated. I had been studying NLP for more than a decade before becoming a mediator, so I came to mediation with NLP in my bones. I would say that at first, I integrated mediation into NLP, mostly by understanding modeling, "the map is not the territory", "Systemic thinking", and "positive intention", as well as the importance of being capable of moving through "position", ie first position, second position, etc. Robert Dilts was my main teacher.
NVC, clarified the positive intention piece like a bright light bulb illuminating my heart and mind. The "aha" that our needs motivate every behavior. NVC also creates a structure and focus that supports the mediation process by cultivating connection between me and the participants, me and my co-mediator and between the participants. NVC also supports me in remaining open to outcome and clear on the power of needs to inform strategies of resolution.

As for the rewarding question, I do not know how to answer that one. Sounds like you are hungry to create more meaning and connection?

As for tips, I would recommend the daily practice of NVC, bringing the process and the consciousness to every activity. Keep returning to the fundamental question of NVC...what is the need that is present in this moment? For you? For the other? For the system? As we connect with the need and its inherent beauty through a process of celebration (gratitude and mourning), our consciousness will naturally be guided to requests/strategies in the service of those needs.

I wonder how you feel reading this?

Peace,
Jim

Note: Permission was obtained from the letter writer before including it here in this blog!